suthrngirl's Journal

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09 July 2014

Weigh-in: 264.4 lb

lost so far: 0 lb

still to go: 114.4 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

add comment gaining 0.5 lb a week

07 July 2014

Bless me Fat Secret for I have sinned and sinned and sinned...
I lost my job of 31 years. Now I'm fat, broke and lonely.

I have worked since I was 13. I have never not had a job. I always pay my bills. This is killing me.

Have you ever been tired of being yourself? I want to wake up thin with a terrific career and bo. Notice I didn't say beautiful. I already know I'm cute!! I'm fun too. I'm just tired of being fluffy and poor. I don't need a man to validate me either but daaaamn it would be nice to have a cuddle now and then.

Please forgive me if this journal seems like I'm whining. I'm not really. It seems to be good therapy for me. It's drawing my energy away from sitting in the middle of my bed crying. You know, the UGLY cry. I'm always happy and strong but this all caved in on me. My poor cat won't leave my side. I think she thinks shes on suicide watch. roflmao. Love life too much for that!!!

Had an amazeball weekend on IOP. Friends, food (omg), music and fireworks. Guess that's why coming home to reality hit hard. That, and I think I screwed up an interview for a job I really, really want.

I've stopped crying and I'm putting my big girl panties on. I have a diet and a budget planned out. Tomorrow morning I'll start over. This is a chance to have a new life. Elaine 2.5 One good thing about me, I never give up.

Thanks for letting me get the negative out of my system.

(3 comments)

17 May 2014

If you have a weak stomach don't read this because I have a feeling it's gonna be the equivalent of a large, grown woman laying on the floor kicking and screaming.

Yes, I'm about to have a pity party. I'm realizing that I am a food addict. Food to me is like a needle to a junkie and I can't get this monkey off my back. I can't recall being depressed ever. Sad once in awhile but never depressed. I don't know that I am now. I think lack of sleep and loneliness are what keep breaking me down. I'm still trying but damn I just want to scream at times.

I had a friend that would text me late at night when I couldn't sleep but he's gone back to bar-tending and we don't talk as much. I need that one on one sharing and brain picking to keep me sane. I really want friendship instead of a relationship. All my close friends have family and live in different cities. Music is about the only thing that keeps me motivated.

I find myself having to recommit to eating healthy every week. I have to do this! I want to do this! I had a trainer before and found it easier but can't afford one or a weight loss program. There are good free ones like this but I don't have the accountability. Maybe if I had someone to call and talk to instead of eat, it would help. I have to do this myself. Kinda like if a tree falls and no one is there does it make a sound. When E goes home after work does she really eat what she should when no ones looking.

This is hard. I read success stories on here and I'm inspired but not enough to make it happen in my life. If others can do this surely I can. I don't crave carrots though. I crave carrot cake. How do you switch the unhealthy cravings off? Where is Harry Potter with his wand and a clever spell when you need him?

I'll go to bed tonight and try and put this pity party to sleep. I will weigh in the morning, put my big girl panties on and keep on trying. I turn 50 at the end of this year. I don't have a big weight loss number for my goal. I just hope for a few pounds lost and a healthier lifestyle.

Oh, and can some one please come and get their damn monkey!?!?!?!

(3 comments)

11 May 2014

Life always seems to send me curve balls. I allowed health and family issues waylay my life. I gave up the diet. I drank loads of alcohol. I think my neighbors are quite tired of me drunk and playing guitar on the back porch. At least I sing on key....they should throw me some tips over the fence. Ha!!

This past week I ran to the coast to regroup and get life in order. The marshland, ocean and slow pace of Charleston and the islands always calm my soul. Another plus, visiting and staying with family.

I walked the beach and pier so much my feet are refusing to talk to me. I watched what I ate during the day but at night....my friends and family took me for seafood and drinks...amazeballs!!!!!!

Mother earth and my fam bolstered my spirits and gave me the strength I'm going to need to face the doc this weds. Not whining or wanting sympathy but I may have to decide whether or not to have surgery on my noggin. I'm afraid they'll open up my skull and find out it's empty.

I'm puttin on my big, girl panties and will weigh tomorrow and begin my life journey on a healthier path. Eat better and continue the walking. (Not as fun to walk my neighborhood as it is to walk with nature on Sullivan's but my Ipod will help.) I have to force myself to walk at home.

Thank you for all the encouraging comments and especially for the wine spritzer idea!!

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16 April 2014

Forgive me Fat Secret for I have sinned!
OMG!!! I can do perfect for a week straight and then someone runs Krispy Kreme under my nose and I fold like an evangelist at a hooker convention! All I can do is restart. I also have to find out where liquor fits into the scheme of things. Bass player wants to buy me a drink I'm not turning it down. Have to figure what is a less harmful.
I have to find willpower when it comes to treats I love. I also need to make better choices when I go out to dinner. High fat burger with Gorgonzola cheese may not have been the best choice but damn was it good!

(10 comments)

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