kingkeld's Journal, 15 March 2012

I slept better last night, though not great, and I'm kinda stressed over work today. I have a lot to do, it's a long day and I have rockin' with the kids tonight. This might be fun time, but it is still gonna make it a SUPER long day, and I am not mentally in the right place for that.

Several nights with lack of sleep, and sort of an uneasy night last night makes me tired from the get-go. This sucks, but at least the weekend is just around the corner. Wife and I are agreeing that this weekend will have NO plans whatsoever, and nothing except for what we feel like doing in the moment.

We might go out, we might not. This is what I need, I think.

Today I have several meetings, and papers that need to be finished. Trouble is, I can't start on them until in the afternoon, as I simply don't have the information that I need for me to do them. There is no way of preparing until it's almost too late. :(

It'll be done, one way or the other - and that's gonna have to be what it is. Nothing more I can do about it.

Man, I hate stressing over work.

I have re-organized my calender for next week. I have ONE interview that I really don't want to move through the first three days. Then one day with a few things, and then Friday off. Nice. I think I need a long weekend.

I can really tell how stress is affecting me these days. Work is getting harder, it's harder to focus on both work and weight loss, and it's even harder when I can't sleep at night.

My buddy davidsmom actually came with a good idea. She mentioned in a comment that she sings "99 bottles of beer on the wall" in her head when she can't sleep. This is a brilliant idea, and it actually works. I tried it last night, and it helped me go back to sleep. For once I did NOT get up and get on my bike, but managed to get another 30 minutes of sleep before it was time to get up.

What davidsmom does is a kind of mindfulness. While it might not be staying in the moment as such - like it is when you 100% focus on your breathing and your body - it is still a way to occupy your mind in the moment with things that are not related to past or future, which is where most of our worries lie. By humming the song, you do something mundane, but since you do the beer countdown in the lyrics, you can't just wing it. You have to focus on what you're doing. In the beginning I had trouble remembering the numbers, maybe simply because I was dozing off. I'd just start over, and it seemed to work. Thanks, davidsmom!

Like I said, I did NOT get on the bike today. I won't, at all, do exercise. I feel that I am so low on energy today that I need all I have. I'm not sure if I am low because of stress, lack of sleep, too much exercise (I doubt it) or low calorie intake compared to calorie burn. However, fact is that I feel drained.

My weight is pretty much stable, though I'm higher than my lowest weigh-in last Saturday. I won't make it down there again this week, but that's okay. I don't need to. I just find it interesting that I keep climbing up. It's not fat gains, I know that, but more the heavy foods we've had for dinner. I've dug a little too much into the desserts, though they are home made and much better on the calories. I don't really want to dig in like that, but they are a comfort when I stress. When things go crazy I crave chocolate at work, and I'm glad I can't go get any. Suits me fine. :) If I could, I'd probably be buying all the time.

The ice cream I did last night was not as good as the last portion. We were low on low fat cream, so I put more milk than cream this time. It came out more "crystallized" and less creamy. Not too good. The flavor is great though. Essentially, it's milk, cream, cocoa powder and artificial sweetener. Not too bad. Cream is 4% fat, by the way, not the crazy 38%. It works fine. Yesterday I added a couple of scoops of instant coffee (decaf!), and it gave it a nice choco-mocha flavor. I like it, except for the consistency. I'll try again one of these days, when I feel like it.

I do wanna take a little break from it a few days. Maybe for Indulgence Day. Today's dessert, if I want it, is gonna be sugar free jell-o. The whole thing is 20 calories, I think I can spare that. :)

So, busy day today. I'll survive. It's not first time, and most likely not last.

Today I am thankful for:
- The best wife in the world. She's so supportive, and handles me well when I stress.
- Spending morning time with said Wife.
- Beth Hart Live on DVD.
- Morning coffee.

Have a great day, friends. I hope you find peace and quiet through your day. I hope I do also. Life is good!

173.9 lb Lost so far: 167.8 lb.    Still to go: 0 lb.    Diet followed 100%.

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1816 kcal

Fat: 52.19g | Prot: 96.58g | Carb: 248.21g.   Breakfast: Gouda Cheese, Egg, Rye Bread, Sliced Ham (Extra Lean). Lunch: gronlangkaal, White Potatoes (Flesh and Skin), hamburgerryg, Carrots. Dinner: Rye Bread, hamburgerryg. Snacks/Other: Free Laekkerbar, Milk Chocolate Candies, Oranges, Bananas, Jell-o gelatin. more...

2918 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Music playing - 2 hours, Desk Work - 7 hours and 30 minutes, Sitting - 1 hour and 50 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 40 minutes, Standing - 4 hours. more...