kingkeld's Journal, 08 March 2012

May I recommend that you go get a cup of coffee and a cushion before you read? This is a LONG one! LOL!

I gotta say I'm AMAZED that I'm still in the 77's today. Just barely, but still there. There are several reasons for this:

1. Yesterday, I am SURE I was dehydrated, and thus dropped a LOT in weight from one day to the next. I woke up crazy thirsty, and I literally felt "drained". Very uncomfortable. Also, I had a huge drop in weight - something like 1.7 kgs(!), and that is very unusual. Must be mostly water.

2. The food choices yesterday. I did bad. BAD. Sure, I am now in a place where I don't NEED to lose weight, but I still NEED to do wise choices. I didn't. Not proud of it, but it's something to learn from. I think, no matter how far you get in this game, you're still learning. I know I am.

So, what happened yesterday?

Well, we had our "Theme" day at work. My buddy ZippyDani suggested that the word I might be looking for was Team Building Day, and she was absolutely right.

I had arranged with a coworker to ride with him - the resort, which was a real nice little place, is about an hour's drive from here. I booked the front passenger seat in his car, and my "pay" for it was to bring a nice cup of coffee for the ride. Good deal! :) I get to get my morning coffee, and good company for the ride. He's one of my favorite co-workers, one of the few guys in the office, AND he is going to be my coach when I get to the point where I can start putting on some muscles. He's a trained professional in this and has agreed to make me his "pet project". Nice!

So, anyways, we get there, and there is of course breakfast ready, as there always is at a resort like this. I have planned ahead, and only eaten my eggs, expecting this. I have two slices of bread and a little cheese, and I end up spending calories as I would pretty much do any morning.

I snatch up a couple of fruits to take with me to class, and they basically just sit there all morning. I don't eat them - I don't want to waste calories since I don't know what lunch is gonna be, and I'm not really hungry for anything. No need for me to eat if I'm not hungry.

Then noon comes. We do NOT break for lunch "on time". "On time" is pretty important for me, as I am so used to this, and I set my mental clock after this - it makes it easier for me to deal with a little hunger, if I know that I'll be eating at a specific time.

Lunch is about 45 minutes late, and at this point I feel that I am STARVING. I probably wasn't, but being a habitual creature, my mind is screaming FOOD FOOD FOOD! BRING ME FOOD! NOW! :)

So, we go to the restaurant to eat, and I gotta say, this is by far - BY FAR - the nicest restaurant food I have seen in years. Compare it to all those restaurants that you never go to because you can't in ANY way afford them. Easily. There is SO much heavenly (devishly?) goodness, you'd have to see it to believe it.

I went in there with a plan to just have a little here and here and I did okay on the food.

Then stupid Kingkeld decided to try a little of the desserts.

Oh. My. God.

The carb monster was sitting under the table and TOTALLY reeled me in. There was so much good stuff, and I just basically went for it. I tried to register, but I am sure it's very inaccurate what I did. I justified it with my huge weigh loss same morning, which is of course stupid. I know it was only an excuse, and that this was wrong. I just couldn't control it.

Well, lunch ended and we went back to class/meetings. I brought coffee, nothing else.

The carb monster was still calling me all the way through class - so much that I ate the orange from the morning. I didn't need it, but I wanted to eat - eat - eat.

Then came the afternoon break. Now, if I thought the desserts were good, then it was NOTHING compared to the chocolate pie they brought out. Damn them. Damn them ALL! Who was the jerk that invented chocolate pie! Can we get that guy fired, please?

I'm telling you, it was divine! It was like the gods had all gotten together to make the perfect cake, and then the devil snuck in an loaded it with calories! It was THAT good.

You guys know how I can't control chocolate. Well, yesterday, I proved that I really can't. All theories confirmed on that one. Sigh.

So the day is over, and I come home. Wife is kinda down, feeling home sick. She's a long way from home, from a couple of her kids and her family. We live in Denmark, and she is from the US.

One of the things that always helps is to make some food from home. I'm sure MANY of you guys can related to this.

Guess what she made... Mississippi Mud Pie. Not the low calorie one. Chocolate. Sigh. Yup.

I had hoped that the carb monster was left behind, but it wasn't. It was right there with me. I had cake. Then I had more. I felt so bad doing it, but I just couldn't stop.

I felt sick from all the sugar yesterday. I really didn't feel well. I was mentally down because I gave in like this. I was sad because I felt that I had ruined a great weigh-in by giving in. I was sad because I lost control. I need that control. I need to know what I'm doing. I need to be in charge.

And I need to report here. I have to do this. And trust me, it's a lot more fun telling you guys how great I did, and how much I lost, than it is to tell you how I screwed up and how much I gained.

I gained 400 grams. Question is whether it's calories or water. It's probably calories, a good chunk of it.

Of course, I am determined to be back on track today. I have logged my food for the entire day. I will stick to my plan, and not give in for ANYTHING. This is my "punishment" if there is such a think. I don't believe in beating myself over the head, I believe in getting back in the groove.

I'd simply skip Indulgence Day on Saturday, but we're doing a little more festivities for Daughter's birthday, so that's gonna be kinda hard. I will try to limit myself though.


One of the things that I did realize from all this is that I definitely have trigger foods. I never really have given it too much thought, other than knowing that they're there.

Mine is chocolate. I know this. You know this. But yesterday I realized how strong it is. I had ALL intentions to do good. My actual food choices were great. No problem at all. Enter Chocolate. It all went to hell.

This is something I need to work on. I need - NEED - to learn to handle this better. I need - NEED - to learn to either NOT have any chocolate at all, or to be able to have just a little bit. I know this, when I buy a bar of chocolate for my Indulgence Days, it's hard to not eat it all in one sitting, and afterwards I often am disappointed that I didn't get two. I need to control this.

When I was twice my size, chocolates were a big passion. I could easily go buy 300 grams, and have them gone in 10 minutes. Not good. That's calorie allowance for an entire day.

Did I mention that I love chocolate? LOL!

I will try to take a little while to really focus on this. I'm not sure if it helps me more to refuse myself chocolate (like a detox) or if it helps me to force myself to simply have a little. You'd never tell a crack addict that you should just learn to do a little, would you? Then again, I really don't want to be without chocolate. But of course, the drug addict don't want to be without his drugs either.

What do you guys think? What's better? Total abstinence, or cutting down. What's easier to handle? The carb monster is really a scary creature.


My buddy ramman999 asked me why I weigh in daily, so I though I'd share my thoughts on this. This is gonna be a long journal anyways, and I'm good on time today, so I might as well put some words on this too.

It seems that there are two "schools" on this in general, and here on fatsecret. Some people preach weekly weigh-ins, some preach daily weigh-ins. I'm kinda in the middle, as I have full understanding for both.

There is no right or wrong. I think it depends on your personality.

For some, if they see a weight gain, they are tempted to give up. For some, it's demotivational. For some, it's a stress factor. All these things make us do WORSE than our potential. If you feel like this, then I would recommend that you do weekly weigh-ins.

Now, I'm not saying that these people are less or weaker than others. I'm simply saying it's a matter of how we react, how we deal with the gains that we WILL have now and then. There's no way around them. We have water fluctuation, TOM for the ladies and so much more.

This is what I see of benefits of weekly weigh-ins. Many might disagree with me, and have other reasons. If you do, please share in the comments, so others can learn. Also, there is of course a HUGE thread in the forum about this. More than 1,000 posts in there. :)

Then there are the people like me who weigh in daily.

I can't tell you why others weigh in daily, but I can tell you why I do.

I do it to remain in control. I do it to understand what happens to my body when I make different decisions.

For me, weighing in daily gives me a fix point. I know that I will weigh in tomorrow morning, so it's ESSENTIAL that I do good today. For me, if I don't weigh in for a week, I will easily think that I can cheat today and compensate over the next few days. I will think this tomorrow too, and eventually only cheat and never compensate.

Weighing in takes this opportunity to cheat away from me. I get a slap on the wrist pretty much immediately.

It also ensures that I go on Fatsecret daily. It makes me HAVE to go here and journal, as weighing in and journaling are the same thing for me.

When I see the drops and gains, they help me to see how my choices affect my weigh-in. I wake up thirsty, I lose weight. Am I drained of water?

I eat a HEAVY dinner (even if it's low calorie) and I gain weight. Was it the calories of the day, or simply that an extra pound of food is passing through me?

To me, it's essential to see these things and learn from them. They help me understand the whole weight thing, and they help me see how my body reacts to different things.

It's also motivational for me. Yesterday is a great example. I lost a LOT of weight on yesterday's weigh-in. I think that it makes me safe, and I pig out. Today, I gained a full pound. THIS will make me 120% focused on my food choices today, and I will probably end up going much lower than RDI today - simply because it focuses me on the job there is to be done.

To me, a weight gain pushes me back into the right mindset. It motivates me, and drives me to where I need to be. It opens my eyes to the fact that I can't just say "Done!" and eat what I want. It reminds me that there is still a surgery mission and a maintenance mission here.

So I weigh in daily. I will do this for the rest of my life - even when I eventually stop counting calories.

Phew - this was a LONG journal. I gotta say, that I admire those of you who makes it all the way to the end. Maybe I should test how many of you actually get here, and read it all. ;)


I almost forgot! I want to share something with you. My daughter drew another amazing piece of art yesterday. We were watching The Walking Dead, our favorite show these days, and there was a very upsetting ending (not gonna give it away). She was so upset, and had to get it out somehow. So she drew, and did another masterpiece. I wanted to share it with you guys.

This is the scene that she painted. Let me just point out that she is NOT just painting on top of the picture. She uses it as a layout to compare with. The entire piece of art is built from scratch. I am so impressed that she can do one of these in a few hours. How's that even possible?!?

Here is the image that she has used for her picture:

Today I am thankful for:
- The drive to be back on track. FULLY back on track. No excuses.
- Coffee and a good night's sleep. I feel rested.
- Hopefully a good day at work.
- You guys!
- Sugar/fat free jell-o for a snack tonight. I love these things. It sucks that I'm almost running out. I gotta find a way to get more - they're not available in Denmark, sadly.
- Kitty Cat snuggling in my lap. Again. :)
171.7 lb Lost so far: 170.0 lb.    Still to go: 0 lb.    Diet followed 100%.

Diet Calendar Entries for 08 March 2012:
1059 kcal Fat: 31.84g | Prot: 67.64g | Carb: 118.71g.   Breakfast: Egg, Rye Bread (Reduced Calorie), Sliced Ham (Extra Lean). Lunch: Meat Loaf, White Potatoes (Flesh and Skin), Carrots. Dinner: Pacific Cod, White Potatoes (Flesh and Skin), White Gravy. Snacks/Other: Kakaois. more...
2902 kcal Activities & Exercise: Desk Work - 1 hour and 30 minutes, Sitting - 5 hours and 40 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 20 minutes, Standing - 8 hours and 30 minutes. more...
on diet kingkeld's own diet   gaining 6.2 lb a week


1 to 20 of 24
hi keld, thanks for that great journal. i didn't have a coffee though, but a cup of green tea. here are my thoughts about your questions and thoughts: is it easier to cut down chocolate or stop it? i don't know. i have the same problem. but as i started to STOP it entirely i recognized, that i'm totally longing for chocolate after a few days, weeks...and then: i usually eat TOO MUCH of it. so i decided to cut it down. i started with a chocolate bar on monday. and i took a bite every day (okay, on monday i took two bites) and i still have some of this chocolate bar that i will be able to have the last bite today. for me the best way is to have chocolate every day: but only a bite or just a little bit (or one of those great ovo sport bar with only 56cal per bar i once mentioned in my journal). the last weeks (months?) it worked for me that way pretty well. and i hope it will work in the next months and years, too. to the weigh ins: i weigh in myself daily, too. the reason is the same as yours. i want to get to know my body and how he reacts when i do something. i know that there are fluctuations whhich show off on the weight. but now i know that. i used to weigh in weekly when i was on weight watchers a few years ago. and i had that same problem you mentioned: i used to eat more over weekend (my weight watcher date was always on thursday evening) and then, the last 3 - 4 days i started to cut down food, and sometimes didn't even eat anything on thursday, just to get a good weigh in. and that was BAD. because i have to learn to eat the right way, every day. and not cheat to myself just because i don't weigh myself for a week. it's a shame, but i can't see the picture of your daughter. i have to come back tonight at home to have a look at it. i'm pretty sure it is awesome :) thanks again for that journal, keld! wish you a wonderful day with no chocolate ;) 
08 Mar 12 by member: joelae
Keld..... I want to talk about your chocolate craving - have you about hypnosis? The reason I say this is, I have seen and listened to stuff from "Paul McKenna" on cravings (he also does stuff on phobias and weight loss). He basically takes people through a self hypnosis session that goes something like this. Think of something you love to eat ie chocolate..... Feel the texture often your mouth, the silky feel of it over your Tongue .... He goes on about the feeling and taste. The next stage is... Now think of something you dislike with a passion - feel and taste what it is like in your mouth - again he goes on and on about it, until you feel sick. Third stage.... Now introduce a tiny piece of chocolate and mix it in with that horrid food... think about how that feels and tastes. The idea is, you then associate chocolate with the food you dislike - so therefore don't crave it. You have to go through the process every day and eventually it sticks. He is very well known in the UK.... It may be worth investigating this form of self hypnosis, to see if you can overcome your chocolate craving........ I will leave you with this thought... The question is do you REALLY want to give up this guilty pleasure? 
08 Mar 12 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
Joelae - Thanks for your input. :) A lot of good pointers.  
08 Mar 12 by member: kingkeld
SkInny - I know of Paul McKenna - I've seen some of his shows on TV years back. Of course, that was more entertainment related. I think I might look into finding some audio files of this - it's not a bad idea. I know that self-suggestion works. But... associate chocolate with something bad... are you sure that's even legal? :) 
08 Mar 12 by member: kingkeld
LOL KingKeld..... He is still into "entertaining", but more for getting the message across and getting himself known. Think about the question I posed ... Do you REALLY want to give this guilty pleasure up? I wonder if you are hanging on to it, and have not got the "mindset" to give it up. If the answer is - you don't want to give it up - the next question is why? Has it got a "comfort" association for you? I think we all 'immediately' think we want to give something up.... BUT if you really think further - is this true? 
08 Mar 12 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
Hey Keld - sure am glad you are willing to honestly face your stuff. And this process, while a very long journey, and a very successful one for you as leaving you a bit insecure in some of the 'choices' dept w/ this chocolate. But let's backup a minute. When you chose the fruit in the morning, to take as a prep for a possible snack... oh, that was a great decision!!! In my opinion, it would have been an even better decision to have picked a protein... hardboiled egg, cheese, or small handful of nuts. Then with or without concern of your calories... I would have eaten them about 30-45min's before lunch. This stacks the 'controlled eating' in your favor. Because as you know, proteins will help make you feel more full. This doesn't mean you wouldn't want to eat lunch. But you wouldn't have been in the mindset of 'starving'. Now, I do hear you on the whole point of not eating if you're not hungry. But in this particular instance, I do believe you could have completely changed what got started at the lunch table - had you given up those calories for some kind of a protein/healthy fat snack. - The whole point to me is not whether you give up chocolate. It's whether you learn to live with your planned or splurged indulgences. You're gonna go in for surgery. That's a very big deal. And you have some time right now to practice how to control your daily/weekly life habits around eating. You're eventually going to start weight training w/ your co-worker, and that is awesome! And as long as you continue - you will build muscle, tighten, firm things up, look great, feel great... but a year from now, 3, 5, etc.. will you still be working out regularly? You really need to think about that, because when the day comes that you stop...your body will no longer need the calories it once did... and many people gain when they slow down or stop their exercise component all together. You can rev up your metabolism to where you can consume quite a few more calories because of exercise and weight training... but if you are not careful, you will consume them in chocolate. And you will feel justified that it's ok, because it's not doing a darn thing to your overall weight. (at the moment - that might be true.) But the habits that stay the same, the out of control behaviors...are what got you to the 350 lb mark - and if you're not particular about which habits to change, and which ones to break... you could find yourself a few years down the road with a big problem on your hands. Could you commit to only one treat per week? And could you live with that commitment? Put yourself back in that restaurant yesterday... could you honestly is not my indulgence day, so I am not going to 'indulge', and just walk past the desserts, or the chocolate pie? or the Miss Mud Pie? If you cannot honestly honor your commitment to a 'set' amount, or day, or time - and in the moment you cave and justify and overindulge - then you have 'disordered eating habits'. (in my opinion.) And that lack of control is very much biological - and I think would be helped by the preplanned late morning snack of protein/fat to ward off the hormonal responses of the hungry guts carb monster that made you feel like you were starving! Keep working thru will come to some really good, healthy decisions...of that I am sure! 
08 Mar 12 by member: jsfantome
I agree with Jsfantome - in that - this could cause problems in the future. But I do think that this behaviour pattern is caused by psychological issues - the WHY this happens - what is causing you to sabotage your efforts? Is it a "comfort" thing. if you were a woman, I would wonder if it was to do with, the association of slim being sexual, and being scared of being thought of in that way. How much do you want to be "sexy" Keld LOL - sorry, I shouldn't joke, because this is serious :-) x 
08 Mar 12 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
that artwork is impressive! She's got some talent! :) 
08 Mar 12 by member: Lindsay6384
Wow. My first thought about this was not about your lack of control but more about life. There are times when we do go overboard and eat what we know deep down that we shouldn't. It happens and once it is done we can't undo it. To me, you moved on in the right direction. You're weighing in everyday is your way to say I did this yesterday but today I'm not. As for giving up chocolate completely???? That one is hard to decide. To think of never having it again would only seem to make the craving harder to resist. I love my summer time fruit but on a low carb diet it isn't something that I can indulge in daily. I deal with not having it by telling myself, "I can eat what ever I want, I just choose not to." and that seems to take that I can't have thing away. I have control over the food and not the other way around. But there are times that it doesn't work for me. I hope that you are able to come to terms with chocolate. You have to find a balance that you are able to live with. I'm still learning myself. BTW, your daughter is very talented.  
08 Mar 12 by member: davidsmom
jsfantome...what a great comment! Made me think a bit too! Maybe I will keep a 100 calorie pack of nuts in my purse just for those "oh when is dinner coming" worst and weakest moments. Thanks! 
08 Mar 12 by member: JenKatja
Hey Keld! First of all.... I am so proud of you. (((((((Big Hugs! )))) When you had the goal of being accepted for the surgery, you had a lot more control. You created a way to indulge in food but still stay in control all the other days. Here's the thing. You made your goal. So... the indulgence days are starting to ooze into your other "controlled" days... cause you have relaxed your control. I am agreeing with jsfantome and Sk1nny. I really believe it's time to revamp your strategies on how to eat every day. It's too easy to eat "Empty Calories" when you want to have sugary foods. It's not about chocolate. It's about sugar and all it's forms. I believe you are a carb addict. LOL! That carb monster only comes out when you eat sugary things and fruit is one of them. I am not the best one to take advice from .... but I don't want to see you keep losing your grip on eating. Stay away from anything sugar for two weeks. It won't kill you... I promise. This will stash that carb monster back under the bed. Good luck, Keld. I know you will sort this out. 
08 Mar 12 by member: Mom2Boxers
Oh, I don't feel that I am long term losing grip - at all! I just hate the fact of how strong that carb monster is. To me it seems that, on a day-to-day basis, once I get started it's really hard to stop, if there are limitless supplies. If I buy one small choc bar, I will eat one small choc bar. If I buy 300g I will buy 300g. If there is a chocolate cake buffet, better call an ambulance! LOL. Just kidding about that last one. I do have limits. Trouble is, once the sugar kicks in, I can tell that it's REALLY hard to say no. I have thought about SkInny's hypnosis suggestion, and I don't think I want to completely rid myself of the urge for chocolate. If I was to use hypnosis in any way, it would be to aid me in resisting MORE chocolate. And regarding js' comment - the snack before the meal idea is great. I just might use that one. When it comes to eating more because of muscle building workouts, I really don't count on doing intense, über-calorie-burning heavy duty workouts. That's not my style at all. I will never look like a beef cake, or anything like that. I just want to be more fit and have a little more meat in the right places. So I don't see myself starting to eat a LOT simply because of weight training. This I don't see as an issue at all. Oh, and of course... about whether I am ready to be sexy, SkInny. I already AM sexy. I thought you knew that. :) 
08 Mar 12 by member: kingkeld
LOL KingKeld..... Apologies - of course you are already sexy :-) 
08 Mar 12 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
Wow - your daughter has some serious skills there!!! What a gift! I want to lay a beating on the chocolate pie inventor as well. I'm with you on the daily weigh in's for all the same reasons, i guess its the scientist in me, needing to see test results and analyzing the data, haha. Love the art work! 
08 Mar 12 by member: Nehiyaw
keld- the only reason I mentioned the weight training - is because everything I read about improving your metabolism and increasing the amount of calories your body burns all day/every day - is thru 'weight training'. Even limited resistance training - or just beefing up those you develop muscle - your muscles then burn more calories every day naturally than the previously stored fat did. So, people naturally begin to see that to stop the weight loss - and maintain their overall size/weight in maintenance, they then have to eat an extra 2, 3 or even 500 calories once they have started to build up a little muscle development. SO - you can easily con't to eat your once a week indulgence - if you can limit it to that. But the out of control feelings you experience once you jump into the deep end of the carb pool - has to be evaluated on how you will handle that on a day to day basis. You either keep up the exercise, lower the calories, a combo of both...or you're headed back in the wrong direction again. :) And nobody wants to see that happen!!  
08 Mar 12 by member: jsfantome
I weigh myself daily. I am accepting of the daily fluctuations. It keeps me honest. If I am not weighing daily, I tend to avoid the scale for longer periods of time or play the catch up game from indulging right after weigh-in day. I can also see a new low weight at any time during the week. If you weigh in only weekly, you could miss that and not have a clear picture of what is going on. But, if people can't handle the daily flux, then they should absolutely not weigh in daily.  
08 Mar 12 by member: tglenna
Oh, and the artwork is AMAZING!!! 
08 Mar 12 by member: tglenna
Jsfantome - thanks for narrowing it down. I do see your point. It one to consider. For me, it is mostly fixed by not buying the 12 pack snickers, buy buying as "needed" instead. Trouble mostly comes when I am out and there is an abundance of the baddies and Noone to say stop. I need to work on this, but I'm sure I can do it when I really put my mind to it. I got lazy on my weight loss/maintenance on Wednesday, that was probably just as much the culprit. I need to NOT fully lose focus, and treat it a little more as an addiction and be a little more aware of the things lurking in the dark.  
08 Mar 12 by member: kingkeld
Thank you everyone for your comments, both on my journey but also on the art.  
08 Mar 12 by member: kingkeld
Oh man.. First I just thought the journal was great and then I got to the 'sexy' comments and they just about sent the whole thing over the edge in awesomeness.. :) The drawing is incredible and I really don't know what to tell you about the chocolate.. I'm not a big fan of it myself.. ?? 
08 Mar 12 by member: erika2633


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