morganstuart's Journal, 09 June 2021

I had decided not to weigh in til maybe I can get down all the pounds I think I gained. I hope I can get past the 320lb Mark soon. I had ate a lot of calories last weekend considering the type of foods I ate. Even though I did quite a lot of walking I still think I gained. I am gonna have to work off all that I gained and then some after that. However p, At the end of the month I plan on getting a spin bike for my bedroom. I love the spin bikes since I can give myself more of a challenge. I like interval trainings What I like to do is go easy for the first five minutes and I will increase the intensity as I go. Some days I will spend 25 minutes on it. Although I do have to take breaks in between. Where my legs are so fat I have to get breaks cause it's so hard on my joints. But I have a hard time pushing through any of my workouts. When you weigh as much as me its rough. I would love to be healthy and be able to do things I couldn't before. Lol certain tasks I have a hard time with, like reaching to wash certain areas or putting lotion on my feet. I can't even tie my shoes without issues cause my hangy down belly is in the way or when I bend My joints ache. It really sucks being over weight. That why I had been at least trying to do better. Although I wish it would go away overnight and I know that it didn't happen overnight it happened with poor habits and bad food choices. I am kinda stuck in the past when it comes to my food addiction. Although sometimes I feel woe is me but I know I have to make the changes that I want to make to get surgery. I know that I have to eat right and conquer my poor side of myself and say "No" to a lot of things. Like I love milkshakes and ice cream as an example. They would make me gain the unwanted weight I don't need. Or I want fried foods instead of a grilled chicken salad. Just so many. But I also realize that I have to focus on what is more important vs what I want now. That gastric bypass surgery is more important to me vs eating the bad stuff. I don't need to even think about it Although it's very tempting. Its every where! It doesn't matter where I am at. Its all over. The tv in my room, the kitchen or even when I am out in town. It's tough being a foodie on a diet. I love food a lot even though it doesn't have feelings to love me back. If anything I always said whatever bad foods I eat will always stick to my celluite and my thighs. Everything I eat tends to settle there. those are my major problem areas. I am a pear shape. I am not sure of what size I need to be. Although my guess is any where between 125-130lbs. I am a 5 foot 4 frame so I think I can reach somewhere in there. I hope that using the weight loss surgery would help me get there and Mao gain the weight loss. I know that I am struggling to do it on my own. Hopefully whenever I get down to 240 I should be okay.