Ms Elizabeth's Journal, 17 June 2013

I finally did it. I traded my dumpy old wagon that kept kicking me off for a shiny new super charged wagon. What did it? Well for starters. I feel gross. Just worn down, bloated, icky, dumpy, gross. That stops now. I will eat right. I will eat with control. I will not let food rule my world.

The other thing that really motivated me is something that is going to sound completely childish, irrational, mean spirited, and just plain wrong. Over the weekend I first ran into the hubby's bowling partner that accused me of losing too much weight when I hit 155. I hated that I had gained since I last saw her. I know she doesn't want me to lose weight for her own reasons but it pisses me off a little that she tells me not to lose weight. It's my weight and I will lose it if I want to. Next the 9 yr old reminded me about a million times that we have 3 weeks to go before we go see my family. I haven't seen my family in a year. I want to shock them. I want to be 150 or lower. It's vain yes.. but I want to be the skinny one in the family. And finally... There are certain people in hubbies life that have self esteme in mass quantities. They think they are all that and a bag of chips. Why? I'm not really sure. They can't keep a job, their personalities are horrible, they're mean, they think everyone should drop everything at a snap of their fingers, everything should be free for them.. the only thing they have that the rest of us don't is they're gorgous. I want to be gorgous. I want to have the looks, the job, be a good person, be a great mother, and for once look down on them instead of feeling like something they are about to squish under their foot. Will they always look at me that way? Yes. Will I feel like I deserve to be looked at like that? No.

Victories.. Today I walked a mile over my lunch hour instead of picking things up at the store. I put myself first. It was a nice day and a walk will do me more good than vanilla icing for the cake I was suppose to make. I packed my lunch. I stayed at 1 cup of coffee for the day. I've tracked everything I've eaten so far. I have made a plan and I will stick with it. I have asked hubby to help me bring the eliptical downstairs. I tried.. I couldn't do it on my own.

I will feel better about myself. I will lose weight. I will kick some serious butt.

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1529 kcal

Fat: 38.89g | Prot: 119.17g | Carb: 180.49g.   Breakfast: Water, Women's Multivitamin, Instant Oatmeal - Lower Sugar Maple and Brown Sugar, Diet Coke (Can), Coffee (Brewed From Grounds), Fat Free French Vanilla Creamer. Lunch: Water (Bottled), Water (Bottled), Ken's Steak House Lite Honey Mustard Dressing, Organic Girl Baby Spring Mix, Tyson Foods Fully Cooked Crispy Chicken Strips. Dinner: Yellow Cake (with Vanilla Frosting), Hanover Whole New Potatoes, Kroger Diced Grilled Chicken Breast, Jack Link's Premium Cuts Original Beef Jerky. Snacks/Other: Grapes (Red or Green, European Type Varieties Such As Thompson Seedless), Spangler Dum Dum Pops. more...