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I did all the wrong things last night and ignored everything I know. My trip to India is 4 days away and I have all sorts of anxiety about whether or not I'll actually be able to get on the plane this time. I'm anxious about getting all my work done before I leave right as things are starting to get busy. I'm anxious about the impending move out date of my ex and how much I'm going to miss him and "us" when he's gone.
So I ate my feelings last night. I ordered cheesy bread and buffalo chicken bites and chocolate lava cake from Domino's and ate almost the entire order in one sitting. I feel heavy and angry at myself. I know better than that! As punishment, I'm not eating anything today.
And yes, I know that all of this is ridiculously unhealthy and I need to be gentle with myself and blah blah, but I am so close to my stress breaking point and I've been working so hard on so many things and been so strong...and I just don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to be present and grow through the pain. I want to hit fast forward and be done with this pergatory. I want to hit my goal weight NOW. I don't want to be strong all by myself anymore. That's the benefit of having a partner, right? Sharing the load together. But I don't have that right now and, to be honest, I haven't had that for awhile even when we were together. I have to keep reminding myself that this is the right thing to do, and this to shall pass, and it's ok not to be perfect all the time.
This is the last push. I'm so close to the finish line, but so incredibly exhausted. I can do this....right?
Diet Calendar Entry for 01 March 2019:
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1058 kcal
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Fat: 43.06g | Prot: 40.92g | Carb: 133.26g.
Breakfast: Domino's Pizza Spinach & Feta Stuffed Cheesy Bread, Domino's Pizza Chocolate Lava Crunch Cake. Dinner: Cooked Mushrooms (Fat Added in Cooking), Cooked Kale (from Fresh), Harvestland Chicken Sausage with Feta Cheese & Spinach, Brown Rice. more...
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 Comments
Be kind to yourself lady!
01 Mar 19 by member: dhatura
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Stop it with those thoughts, u can’t change ur past...whatever happen is not relevant u are working for a better you
01 Mar 19 by member: rosio19
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01 Mar 19 by member: rosio19
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You are working on yourself for a better future and the past is irrelevant
01 Mar 19 by member: rosio19
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Sorry to hear of your stress and struggles as of late, however Better Days are just ahead! Maintain the course.....your doing great. We all slip here or there, believe me, I know...I've not been to good to myself lately either. But try your best to put it behind you,the past has come and gone, now move forward with the direction and life you want to have....You owe it to yourself! Cheering for ya....
01 Mar 19 by member: wright2018
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Life can get real hard. I understand. I don’t journal on fs, but I feel so much of your feelings today. Not food related but life in general. I’ll pray for you. ❤️
01 Mar 19 by member: wifey9707
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Of course you can this! One bad day doesn't ruin a plan, it simply delays it, for only a day. Just make a commitment to ensure it's only a day and don't worry about the things you can't control. Life gets in the way of life for all of us...keep your chin up!
01 Mar 19 by member: TattooedKitchenNinja
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Your trip sounds wonderful. I hope you have a really good time. And yes you can do it!!!!
01 Mar 19 by member: liv001
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I like the saying take heart the best days of your life may be ahead of you.
01 Mar 19 by member: Little Red Fox
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Thank you all for your support and words of encouragement ♥️
05 Mar 19 by member: christina_bologna
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