sjcoray's Journal

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21 August 2015

Weigh-in: 321.0 lb

lost so far: 0 lb

still to go: 100.0 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

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27 March 2013

Another kind of rough workout last night, feeling a bit tired. And walking the stairs up to the office this morning my legs felt tight. I'm enjoying working out a lot, it feels good, like I'm doing the right thing, but I'm wondering if I'm starting to beat on my body a little too much. So now trying to figure out how to adjust every 4 weeks or so to give me a lighter workout schedule (while still not losing momentum) to let my body recover some.

Yesterday though, general, was a great day. The scale finally moved in the right directioni (who cares if it was only one pound). I signed the offer letter from my company to go from contract employee to permanent. And I heard from Motivation (seriously, if he is the main driver that keeps me going in the right direction, I'm okay with that - eventually I'll become more self sustaining).

Today is busy. Almost forgot to finish writing this :P

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26 March 2013

The run last night wasn't awesome - but as Aaliyah sang for me, "If at first you don't succeed, brush yourself off and try again". I don't mind that it wasn't great, I still worked out, still got in some good abs. It's all building up, right?

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25 March 2013

My workout Thursday night was harsh. It was supposed to be my hard run of the week and it didn't work out well. Rather than give up early this time, I continued to do what I could to finish the run/treadmill part of it before I did my lifting - which was also harsh and the hardest lift of the set (20 reps of the weight). I wanted to give up, but I didn't - so that felt good.

Friday was my forced day of rest, but I didn't mind as much this week, clearly I needed it.

Saturday I repeated the run (at this rate I will not be in ready for a 10k for the Bolder Boulder, but that's okay. I'm trying to not make the running about one event, because then when the event is over, I take a break (a loooong break) and lose it again. Maybe it would be better for me to not do any races until I have several months of running under my belt... Will have to consider that. I switched things up a bit, and instead of lifting when I run, I'm trying to do abs when I run. I figure this will work out better for when I start to run outside. Abs will be easier to do at the end than lifting.

Sunday's workout also went well. I didn't repeat the 20 sets, though I considered it. I am repeating the weight for the lat pulls and the tricept extensions, as those seemed to be the toughest. I added weight to the bench press and to the bicep curls and I've added rows. No lunges yet, though I know I need to and should I just...ugh...don't really want to. Since I feel like I still have a tenuous grasp on the consistent working out, I figure right now it's still about what I want to do instead of what I think I should do.

Saturday was also my little sister's baby shower. It was nice. I tend to feel inadequate at these "life event" things (baby showers, bridal showers, weddings - stuff like that) because I always fear the "what's happening in your life" question. Because really, it's not much? I work, a lot - but there's not much variation in that. I work out, some - but I'm not really into telling people (except for you guys for obvious reasons) what my workout schedule is). And I have an imaginary something (not a relationship) with a British guy who I've seen but never met. What about all that is not worth wanting to share?

I think every summer I tell myself that I'm going to go out more, make my life more interesting (I do love a cold beer at a sun-filled, warm rooftop bar). But gosh that takes so much effort - the largest part of that effort, is finding people to go out with me, because after all the baby showers and weddings and such I've been to, it's clear that most the people in my life are at a different stage now. And because I'm so legitimately happy for them, I don't want to try to ask them to fit into the lifestyle I want (need?).

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21 March 2013

So, the nice thing about Tom, is that when I'm working out hard, he doesn't pain me as much. My breasts are less sore, my cramps are less (though not entirely gone). Unfortunately I haven't figured out how to rid myself of my Tom-induced emotional swings. On a downward one at the moment, and I know it'll pass, so trying to just be calm and mellow as opposed to potentially exposing anyone else to this.

My workout last night went well, still increasing my time on the elliptical, not yet increasing the level, though I guess that will have to happen soon. It'll be good for me, right? Right :)

The new rules are going pretty well so far, I even skipped my allowed Thursday morning chai because we have a company pot luck for lunch today and I know I'm likely to overeat there. I made fudge :)

Here's the diversion from the weight/fitness thing.

I have now been seriously chatting with this guy, this Brit for just over two weeks. man, it feels like longer than that. We've been talking every day. First emails (he actually called a couple times, but that's way expensive) and now via skype. In general, I'm enjoying myself. He's fun to talk to, I think we're both enjoying each other. Last night and this morning, though, quiet. So I am being quiet back. I really dislike this. I think mostly I dislike not knowing what he's thinking, or that there is a "we" that is solid enough that I know he's just busy and tired and we will pick up again soon. Do I feel like we could get there? Actually, yes. But it will still take some time. Do I think we could flame out and not get there at all? Yes for that too. All it takes is one alluring woman to be there in person, and I'm out. Maybe? It's so tough. I know there are so many reasons to not try to continue this. But as long I'm happy, then they don't seem to matter. My horoscope the other day told me, "If you don't expect the worst of someone, you may find that you get the best." This makes sense in how I typically handle these things, expecting the worst (especially when Tom is visiting..) so going to keep working on being positive. :)

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