It's frickin' 2:40 AM. What the..?
I still have some nights without sleep, obviously. I'm not really feeling work stress tonight, I think it's just a case of the good old "can't sleep". No matter the reason, it's still highly annoying. I have a LONG day ahead of me, and I know I will crash eventually.
Yesterday went MUCH better than Wednesday. I did have a piece of Wife's awesome Thursday Afternoon Work Cake, but just one piece and I fully resisted all temptations to have more. The temptations weren't even that bad, considering how amazing her cakes were.
I feel that I've gotten a better grip again, and I am moving forward - or should I rather say that I'm moving towards the spot where I'm not moving at all? I am, after all, maintaining weight - not losing.
It makes me curious what I actually weight. I do feel that I gained weight. Of course, it could simply be my mind playing tricks on me, but I don't have that "thin" feeling that I've mentioned before. I don't feel it, and that usually means that I'm above the 80 kg mark. I'm pretty sure I am.
Then again, I've had some #2 issues the last days - maybe related to the poor food choices Wednesday. I feel bloated and constipated, and I am sure this weighs me down also.
I'm not gonna weigh myself until tomorrow morning - then we'll see what I weight. I am, however, bracing myself. I am a little concerned what the weigh-in will say. I feel that I've done bad - even if I have probably done okay the most of the time.
I keep forgetting that it's okay to eat more than the low number of calories that I have been allowed for ages. And when I do eat more, when I do splurge on something - then it's usually something carby, or the bad snacks. It makes me feel that I am doing a poor job - even if I might not be. Taking the counting away is NOT that easy - but I think it's a good thing to do to get my footing on it all. I think it's pretty healthy for me to learn to do this.
Tomorrow, I will have two weeks until I go meet the surgeon, and then the next Monday will be my surgery. I REALLY want a reasonable weight-in then - so when I weigh in Saturday as planned, I will have to make a decision:
Will I be able to have a proper weigh-in for the surgery if I keep going - do I have enough control? Or will I have to do two weeks of calorie counting to make sure I don't stray from the path the last two weeks? I guess we'll have to see Saturday morning.
So, today I am going to be doing a ton of things.
Wife will be up in about 100 minutes, then I'll shower and get ready for work. I can't get started on this early as I don't want to wake her up. Then it's breakfast, and sending Wife off to work. Then I will probably try to sleep an hour or two, but if that's not likely to happen, then I will play my awesome bass and practice a little for my new band Saturday jam. After that, I'll go to work, then meet the guy I'm doing weight loss mentoring for, then home. Hopefully sleep, if not then play more bass, then dinner, then jamming with The Black Peanut until early morning.
Sounds like I have quite some to do. It'll be a FUN day though.
Work is gonna be reasonably simple. I am actually looking forward to it.
Yesterday, when I came to work, I had a meeting scheduled to meet our boss. She was visiting everyone to ask about long term cases and how we were treating them and what was needed on them for us to be able to push them forward.
I kinda freaked, because I always have this feeling that I don't have EVERYTHING under control, and I think that's what often bugs me. That's what stresses me. I had 90 minutes until our meeting, so I kinda had to scramble to find the information needed.
Well, as I started to look into my cases it turned out that there really was not a single long term case that I did not have under control. I was honestly surprised and happy and relieved, and I got some really nice remarks. What a great feeling. Of course, it made my day - and this is one of the reasons that I don't think I'm sleepless tonight because of stress. I feel that I have (somewhat) control of it. I feel that I know what needs to be done.
As I'm typing this, I'm listening to the app called "8tracks" for my tablet/phone. It's the same thing I used to make the playlist in my journal yesterday. It's really cool - you guys should check it out. It's basically a place where users can make music playlists. It's great! One of the things I have found there is an amazing classic rock setlist - HOURS long - and also a lot of setlists for workouts. I'm sure there is something for everyone and anyone, it's just a matter of digging in and looking around.
The website is
www.8tracks.com - check it out!
This is the playlist I spend my day with yesterday:
<iframe src="http://8tracks.com/mixes/785964/player_v3_universal" width="300" height="250" style="border: 0px none;"></iframe> <p class="_8t_embed_p" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 12px;"><a href="http://8tracks.com/laperri5/sex-drugs-and-songs-your-dad-played-air-guitar-to">Sex, Drugs, and songs your Dad played air guitar to. </a> from <a href="http://8tracks.com/laperri5">laperri5</a> on <a href="http://8tracks.com">8tracks</a>.</p>
...and here is a great example of suitable workout music for a rocker like me!
<iframe src="http://8tracks.com/mixes/806756/player_v3_universal" width="300" height="250" style="border: 0px none;"></iframe> <p class="_8t_embed_p" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 12px;"><a href="http://8tracks.com/evy17diz/say-goodbye-to-your-weakness">Say Goodbye To Your Weakness</a> from <a href="http://8tracks.com/evy17diz">evy17diz</a> on <a href="http://8tracks.com">8tracks</a>.</p>
That should give you some hours of entertainment, if you'd like. :)
I haven't heard the workout mix until now. If you just started listening to it, then I'm only about two songs ahead of you, but it sounds like it could be a pretty good one to put on while biking, running, lifting and other things that "takes effort", and the music is really pumping - and it's good, modern rock with some other stuff mixed in. It's kinda noisy too! Dude's got pretty good taste. :)
I gotta admit I haven't really used music a whole lot while working out. I usually write journals or watch movies, but I am fully aware that music gets us pumping and probably makes us work a little harder. It's something I've considered doing, and what is keeping me from it is really time - and the fact that I see results no matter what I do while exercising.
When I say that time is an issue, one of the reasons is that I enjoy writing these journals. I would really hate to NOT do it, and in the mornings I have a couple of hours to spend on whatever I want. I'd like to spend time with Wife, I'd like to exercise, I'd like to write journals, I'd like to spend a little time reason on Fatsecret, I'd like to play some music. All this can not be squeezed into the time I have available, so getting on the bike AND journaling can easily save me an hour. It's a good solution, AND it makes a "boring" (I'm still no fan of exercise, even if I'm getting better and it and even if I'm more positive about it) hour pass by faster because I occupy my mind with something else. To me, this is the best solution to the "workout problem". Hopefully a day will come where I will NEED my exercise to be comfortable, and fully embrace that. I'd actually like to be a much more active guy, to have that extra energy, and the craving to move. It's just not there yet.
I think this is one of the things that is still lingering from my "fat mindset". Just like I hate sports of any kind. I think it's not so much the sport and the games, but probably more the fact that I was always the chubby kid who didn't get picked, I was never good at sports because of my size. So at some point it's much easier to "not like it", and ignore the problem. Then, at some point this becomes real, and you really don't like it. It becomes embedded, just like there are foods that we don't like or music we don't like. However, we also change as we get older and find ourselves in new situations, and maybe one day this one will change? I know my music taste has changed, my taste in foods have changes drastically so why not this also? Now, that's something to ponder on throughout the day.
Anyways, here's me babbling - as always. :)
It's 3:15, and I think I'll spend a little time online, pay some bills, check my mail. Gotta do something for the next hour.
The bike, you ask? Not a chance. I have no energy after another night without sleep. I don't want to drain myself before work. I'll just end up dragging my feet even more all day. I'll have plenty of calories burned through the day - if nothing else then standing up at work for 6 hours, AND playing music (standing up, moving, concentrating) for 6+ hours will help. I'll be at around 3000 calories burned even without the bike. It'll be fine. If (WHEN!) I get some sleep tonight, then Saturday will definitely have a biking session.
Tonight, I'm thankful for:
- discovering 8tracks. It's fun!
- Morning coffee 2:30 AM. I'll be having plenty more of that today.
- The Black Peanut tonight! It's been two weeks since last session, as our drummer is now a proud dad for 10 days.
- New Band Jam Saturday!
I hope your Friday will be as fun and active as mine! Have a great weekend! Life is good!