Good morning, Journal, good morning Fatsecret.
It's 3:40 AM. I couldn't sleep - stomach is hurting. I know perfectly well why, and I'm thinking it's not only my stomach, but also my conscience bugging me.
I TOTALLY fell in yesterday, ate what I wanted and lost the control. Bummer.
Today, I feel sluggish, I feel bad about myself, I feel un-energized - if that's a real word.
I'm done with that. I need to be back on track, and do good. Two and a half weeks until surgery - and I don't want to feel like this or have a massive weight gain. Gotta do good.
I would get on the bike and burn some calories up front today, but my whole body is aching. I think it's the stress from this weeks work - and the fact that I don't need to stress as much any longer - that is toying with me. I think my body realized that it could let go a little bit, and then it REALLY let go. Of course, it's also the aftermath of being sick - gotta be a little cautious to not push myself too much. No matter why, the fact is that I have little to no energy, and it's a 9 hour day of standing up at work. I need my energy there. I gotta practice my new songs too, and I will be burning calories doing that. I guess it's not all bad.
So, what happened yesterday? I'm not sure. The urge came over me, and I couldn't resist. I went and bought chocolate. I actually left work to go buy chocolate. How stupid is that. It didn't even occur to me to use the tapping to get rid of the urge - I wanted it.
It just shows how strong these addictions can be.
Mind you, the tapping has saved my butt on many occasions - it DOES work, but it still requires you to have enough control to get to do it. I will try to focus a little more on this in the future. I think focusing on work simply has made me focus less on my weight. Not good.
Wife wasn't home for dinner and she asked if I could please just fend for myself. This result was me doing poor food choices, AND dessert. I can't believe it.
Anyways, no need to keep beating myself over the head. Today I feel physically and emotionally so horrible, that I hope it'll be a reminder for me. Back on track. Focus. Do good. You can do it.
So, today it's work, work, work. There's still a lot to do - it's the grand day of deadlines - but most has already been done and I can clearly see what needs to be done today. It's not too hard, just requires quite some time to do. It's okay, I'll do it. I got it, I believe.
This should help me to NOT do stupid things today, I hope. I hope my bloated feeling and my aching stomach will remind me. Geez, how this frustrates me.
...
I keep getting better at playing the new songs - I added yet another to the setlist, and it's starting to be a full little gig for me. It's tons of fun to play, and great music. All 70s and 80s hard rock/metal, and it has a ton of attitude, I think. I really like the way I'm adding stuff to it, giving it my personal twist - without damaging the originals.
Some claim that it's pretty cool that I don't just play what's played on the albums - but that I'd rather make my own versions that slightly deviate from it without disrespecting the original version. Others claim that it's sometimes too damn hard to hear what the original bass player is doing, and that it's easier to figure out something else that'll work. :)
For those interested, I've made a little music compilation for you to check out the songs I'm working on. Check it out, but make sure you plug into a proper stereo or put on headphones. Music should as a standard never be played through laptop/pc/tablet speakers.
<iframe src="http://8tracks.com/mixes/810601/player_v3_universal" width="400" height="400" style="border: 0px none;"></iframe> <p class="_8t_embed_p" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 12px;"><a href="http://8tracks.com/keld_petersen/kingkeld-s-practice-setlist">Kingkeld's practice setlist</a> from <a href="http://8tracks.com/keld_petersen">Keld_petersen</a> on <a href="http://8tracks.com">8tracks</a>.</p>
So, I hear that Wife is awake. This means it's time to go make some breakfast, hang with her. I love our mornings together. It's nice to start the day together, chit chat, prepare for the day and just enjoy each others company.
Then, when she leaves for work, I will go practice my songs for an hour or two, probably learn a new one. Today, that new one will be Heaven And Hell by Black Sabbath. It shouldn't be TOO hard to do. We'll see if I'm right. :)
Today I'm NOT thankful for:
- Stuffing myself stupid yesterday.
I am, however, thankful for:
- Realizing today what a dumbass move it was to stuff myself stupid yesterday.
- Getting up early and write this journal, leaving more room for music when Wife goes to work.
- Making a set list that I can listen to online, and share with you guys.
- Morning coffee.
- This place for venting when I make dumb moves.
- Being able to resist Wife's cakes today. It's Thursday and she's baking at work. Damn her! :)
Happy Thursday! Life is good!