kickingcarbs's Journal, 16 February 2018

Here is something that someone told me years ago that has helped me a lot: Take off all your clothes, stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself all the things that are attractive. Start small. Here is where I started "Kaaryn, you have beautiful hair. Kaaryn, your eyes are gorgeous" and when I started looking at something that I found fault in, I would start at my head and go again "You have a really great smile, Your skin is such a pretty shade" and soon was able to see things that I never thought I would see. Today, I can look in a mirror and not hate what I see. It took time, and a lot of starting over. Take 5-10 minutes a day, after a shower or before bed and tell yourself that you can see beauty and you will start to really see it. Beauty is all inside, we just have to find it. You can do this, we are all here for you!!  

My secret is to personify the "voice" that's "saying" mean things. I respond "Thanks, Steve [any name is good, I just pick a random one every time] but I didn't ask for your opinion. Frick you, Sharon, fight me." Perhaps I'm just too driven by pure spite, but for me it helps to recognize that these thought patterns aren't really "me" but a negative thought pattern that I've been taught. It's easier to diet and exercise when it's not weighed down with this negative energy, I think. But that's just my opinion! Anyway, I hope you feel better. Good luck.  

My husband is considered obese and I find him incredibly attractive. Stay the course and you will get there! 

Read your bio, Your hearts in the right place and your young and you've lost a good amount of weight.You didn't say you were exercising though.l hope you are because your body will have a chance to fill in with tone muscle, so you don't end up a skinny minie with your excess skin flapping like a sail in the breeze.Like Patty said a beautiful sculpture wasn't created over night ! The turtle wins the race! 

Agree Peasy George is a sexy senior chubby wobby! 

I feel like we compare ourselves to what we see on tv or social media and make it the standard. 👎 God made us each unique and in His image... to complain about it is to say God made mistakes. 😬 Don’t get me wrong, we can still strive for healthy- but I think we could all do better at appreciating who we are. I struggle with the same mindset.😖 It’s not like anyone gets better looking with age... our bodies are aging, dying slowly- let’s enjoy our bodies while they still work! Like Klynn said- focus on the beauty you see 😘 

Can't add anything more...you are beautiful.... 

you have nothing to be ashamed of , and anyone who points out anything is having their own issues and wants to tear you down. the best thing to do is smile and be happy ( it comes from within nothing external can give you happiness) 

I feel ya, same here. 

i am so sorry you are feeling this way. i really want you to go in the mirror and pick out five things you love about yourself!! also instead maybe pick out clothes that don't fit too tightly and don't bring attention to the areas you hate. i was in denial that i had gained weight and was still stuffing myself into clothes way too small... making me feel even worse about myself. i think everyone has feelings of low self esteem, but i have really learned through the last few months, the more i appreciate my body and work with my mind set on my body image that i feel more confident and i lose weight faster. and on some rare occasions i have even felt "sexier" than i did a few months ago. thank your body for all it has done for you and know that being on this site and just venting it out is a good start. you'll get there. just know that you are beautiful.  

all humans are attractive, beautiful, handsome and sexy to others. whether its their mind, smile or eyes that brings one another together... i just posted yesterday "beauty is whatever gives joy".. could be a funny personality, a giving heart, a great listener, a confident smile... you got this  

Same here. I’ve tried to see the good parts but can’t ever find them. For me it isn’t even my body that disgusts me so much but it is my face. Realistically I am not ugly but in my eyes I am. Being unwillingly single does not help either. All I can say is that there is a Jack for every Jenny. You don’t have to find yourself sexy. I’m sure either someone else does or they will. It really is not the outside that counts. It is the inside and the stuff we are made of. You are fighting hard for yourself. That means that the stuff you are made of must be very pretty. 

Okay, all of YOU! Listen NoW! Realize that YOU program your own brain and self image with EVERY negative thought you think about yourself! Because of the way we are wired by evolution you are geared to remember the negative much more strongly than anything positive, and you will KEEP remembering it! THAT is part of what will derail you. 🙇🏻‍♀️You need to recognize what you are doing and try to reverse your programming attempts. The positive NEEDS to become part of your everyday life. It needs to be part of your ongoing litany that you tell yourself in your own head! I thought this positivity stuff was all bunk when it was preached at me about how much my attitude would affect my outcomes....I was wrong! So wrong. 🤷🏻‍♀️Attitude is EVERYTHING! Your brain is where your motivation begins. Spend some time loving yourself. Stop right now and write down ten things you love anout yourself. 💁🏻‍♀️Don’t bullshit it, just do it. Remember them. Tape them to the mirror over those parts you don’t want to see right now and READ them and repeat every time you look in the mirror. Reprogram that brain and restart that cycle of loving yourself. I promise. If YOU love you and start being active and doing things, someone else is bound to love you too.🙆🏻‍♀️ 

I love you @SMP wise words and yes. We were taught as young girls we have to look like a Barbie doll or we aren’t good enough. But even though my body hasn’t drastically changed and it won’t be like it once was, I have started to accept and love it more everyday. I do things I wouldn’t have done four months ago. I have embraced my makeup less face in public, I even go braless and walk around my house in close to nothing, I don’t feel sexy in my body yet, but like you said we are wired and have to change our thoughts and it isn’t easy, it’s a process. Because I’m embracing my body and what it is... no need to pretend or hide all the time... it’s a strange cycle. It’s like grieving an old friend and not recognizing an old friend at the same time when I look in the mirror... 

EXACTLY! Mamamc! There are 5 or 6 stressor hormones released with every negative thought as well. And only the dopamines to accompany positive thoughts and it takes a great deal of the positive to get that dopamine response going...very little to get those stressor hormones going. It was biologically encoded to keep us alive! Got to remember what is harmful to us. 🤷🏻‍♀️But it sure would be nice to reprogram some of that brain space now to dwell on the healthy positive stuff! LOL I keep working on this day in and day out. When I was first exposed to this, they didn’t explain the science behind it so I was POSITIVELY sure it was that positive thinking crap! LOL 🤦🏻‍♀️Then I read a few more articles in some neurological journals I subscribe to and it suddenly made more sense. 🙇🏻‍♀️And I realize that most of us shoot ourselves in the foot by obsessing over much on negative patterns and worries. 💁🏻‍♀️It’s why certain self absorbed smucks can become so much more successful! LOL They don’t do this!! So they aren’t stressing themselves all the time. We can borrow a bit from narcissistic people without becoming them and learn to redirect thoughts to self love not hate and outward to action instead of inward to tearing down I think(I hope🤞). Still a work in progress. 🙋🏻