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Ah Monday, we meet again.
Does anyone here use the phone app of FS? If so, can messages be accessed on it? I FINALLY found the journal link but not messages.
This weekend went by in a blink. I did something yesterday I'd not have thought possible two months ago and that was to haul in four 40 pound bags of potting soil from my car to the back yard to transplant the bulb grown perennials from pots to a flower bed.
Two years ago? No problem. But now with this weight and health .. not so much. Going down on one knee to kneel at the alter of Mother Nature was much more challenging. But I was curled up in bed yesterday thinking how it needed to be done and prayed about it and managed to get thru it. Definitely a lot easier 80lbs ago but this is me, who I am today, and I'm pretty darn proud of 'gettin' 'er done'.
I've scheduled a colonic this Saturday. I've never had one but I've been reading about it and hoping it may 'help' whatever the heck is going on with my stomach. I've been 300+lbs most of my life except for those random 18month periods when I've lost the weight but NEVER had this ... swelling bloating oh my goodness what the heck is going on I look 15 months pregnant... thing.
For over a year I've gone to docs and had MRI and UltraSound and nothing. That's as far as they want to go and that took a bit to ask them to look beyond the 'fat' as the problem. I can't seem to get them to understand it freaking HURTS inside and out (very sensitive to touch). So I'm going to start there. Then onto something else.
I so appreciate the fact that y'all don't care if I record food or weigh in.. Bless you. Not that anyone who comes along at this point and criticizes or lectures me will change my mind but it's nice to be accepted for the me I am today even with my rambling journals. Again, Bless you.
This weekend I ate...oh.. well.. you know what? I ate. That's it. Pure and simple. I'm not about to assign a freaking label (positive or negative) to that either. In a country where millions go to bed hungry at night ((and not all members of the FS community, LOL)) I'm not going to be ungrateful or belittle the fact that I am fortunate to have food to eat.
For lunch yesterday I made one of the Hello Fresh meals: Prosciutto wrapped chicken over a bed of risotto. Blondie came over and had lunch with me. It was good. I'm really enjoying rediscovering cooking. I know my enthusiasm for anything has a short shelf life. For now though it's pretty darn cool.
I love that we live in a day and time that if I don't like the advice one place offers I can just keep looking until I find what I want. While soaking in my spa tub last night reading a wellness magazine I read a passage last night that suggested one tablespoon of the apple cider vinegar (rather than the half cup of so many other sites) and was able to gag that down this morning and chase it with a cup of warm lemon juice. I still made the ACV face and pray each time my face doesn't freeze that way.
Will it be the be all and end all? Not likely. Just one more little thing trying to ... okay, go ahead and make the face ... holistically heal whatever is going on with me because modern medicine sure isn't working. I may not be psychic but I can decipher the look on the doc's face 'nothing wrong with you that dropping 100lbs won't cure'.
I'm determined to be more than a number.
I've read up on fasting as well. Let me beat the dead horse again for anyone just joining in that I'm not considering any of this as a weight loss approach. I'm considering it because of some of the positive results (toxins, antibodies, etc) said to be a benefit of a three day fast.
Referring to the above, I've actually considering entering a weight but for something more than pounds. I've thought about entering 1000lbs and each time I eliminate something that was holding me back from enjoying the life I have, even for that day, I consider that a 'loss of negativity'. Much like the 99 problem song, I probably have 999 problems that stand between me and happiness. So IF you suddenly see a 1000lb weigh in for me.. don't alert Guinness or the Enquirer.
Five times. Five times in my life I thought I had this eating disorder resolved. I accept the secret to success is 'fall down 9 times, stand up 10' but it's also insanity to repeat the same process over and over. I'm back on my feet but with a new plan. But this is about getting thru the day and smiling more than I frown and laughing more than I cry.
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 Comments
I've come to the conclusion that we never cure the eating disorder. We can only manage it. The trapping and the way back to gaining the weight is when we tell ourselves...ok, I've got this. In 42 years of dieting I've never once reached my goal weight. And I've had 50 lbs top to lose. But often I've convinced myself that I had the formula to lose it and there's no stopping me now. I've also come to the conclusion that for us, certain foods (or all foods) release dopamine in the brain, and that's what we're addicted to. In the same way an addict is addicted to heroin. I'm no scientist, and this is just an 'educated guess', but it's my take on the matter. What's one to do? We'll I haven't figured that one out yet, and frankly, I'm starting to be fed up of trying. But I can't quit, because beyond the aesthetics is the factual health concerns. (pls forgive my long comment, your posts usually get me thinking, and replying :)
10 Apr 17 by member: NowIunderstand
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I am so very happy you are back, Belles!
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Bella, you are not alone.
Your hurts are real and it is tough to get drs to take it seriously beyond the weight.
If you want to try a modified form of fasting, try having at least 14 hours between your last intake of one day and your first intake of the next. Or have just two meals a day, one mid morning and the second late afternoon, with a very light snack of protein mid evening.
The dietician I condulted recommended that for getting off a plateau.
Good luck.
I, too, am using the phone app of FS and find it hard to navigate now with its changes.
((((Hugs)))))
Onward!
11 Apr 17 by member: kclab
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After years and years of painful swollen bellies that left me exhausted I tried being dairy free. And low and behold the tum started to receed and the painful cramps stopped. It took me nearly a year to completely illiminate it as I was just not aware of where it lurked. I have come across products you would never ever in a million years expect to contain milk/ lactose but they are everywhere. Down to some of my herbal remedies. Just being faced with trying to find a lactose free antihistamine. The only one I found so far is a kids one in liquid form but costs 50 times more than the adult tablet ones. Just grateful that my allergies are a lot less severe then they used to be. And not being painfully bloated is such a relief!!! Sometimes its the 'little' thing that cause the most problems. I do hope its nothing seriously physical wrong with you and you find a way. On a different note: I am so happy to see all the different shades of green in my garden. Wish I could paint. A photo never seems to capture it the way I see it :) Take care Bella :)
11 Apr 17 by member: schmetterlinge34
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7 months of stomach bloating cramping pain in the lower back aching joints and general feeling of nausea and fatigue at times heart palpitations. After a particular horrid day I decided to read up on Fodmap switched to lactose free milk stopped eating onions dramatic results
11 Apr 17 by member: calladale
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