cerobit's Journal, 28 February 2017

Got outta whack for a couple days after my wife's big reveal of her desire to keep me from returning to our LA home. Weird, as I was calm the hours after she and I had talked ... then the following morning, I awoke early, spikes and slithers of anxiety persisted within me, grabbing wisps of cogent thought and shrouding them in dark, cloudy darkness. Couldn't sleep, so started my morning routines. My left arm and leg became progressively weaker, I began having difficulty walking and grasping items. My thoughts were racing, attempts at belly breathing were in vain.
F-it, I popped some klonopin, pain meds, Cannabinols and watched the rest of "Tracks", became drowsy and thankfully fell asleep for several hours.
So, Sunday and Monday were a wash and days for ME.
F the painting, etc, went downtown, haircut, espresso and one mich ultra. As usual, because I'm an interesting, amiable guy, I met a few like folks and rebuilt myself..a bit. Took pics of street art and groovy things like fire ants biting me and returned home.
Awoke at 3 this am and am starting fresh. Will resume prepping for the paint crew and hope to have house ready for them. When? Whenever the frick I get there.
I'm doing this life for me, me and my boy. Everything else ranks lower.
219.5 lb Lost so far: 7.5 lb.    Still to go: 16.7 lb.    Diet followed reasonably well.

Diet Calendar Entry for 28 February 2017:
2329 kcal Fat: 181.04g | Prot: 62.74g | Carb: 112.73g.   Breakfast: Coffee, CVS Fiber Gummies, Publix Naturally Hickory Smoked Original Bacon, Publix Coconut Oil. Lunch: Glory Foods Kale Greens, French's Nosalt, Bacon Grease, Giorgio Pieces & Stems Mushrooms, Minced Garlic, Onions, Galbani Whole Milk Ricotta Cheese. Dinner: Buttermilk Blue Bleu Cheese Crumbles, Onions, Hamburger on Bun, Mayonnaise, Ketchup, Full Sail Session Lager. Snacks/Other: Publix Coconut Oil, Jif Natural Crunchy Peanut Butter, Coffee. more...
losing 0.4 lb a week

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Comments 
Excellent attitude. 
28 Feb 17 by member: ClassicRocker
tough times...you will succeed. 
28 Feb 17 by member: iulani
Good for you for getting through - your wife is nothing compared to what you already have conquered! 
28 Feb 17 by member: HCB
Meant to write "dark cloudy anxiety", not "dark, cloudy darkness". A writer I'm not but that was an obvious slip. Talked with counselor today, amen, and she explained mechanisms for the delayed onset of anxiety. Coool but still, it was quite strange how it was sucking cogent thought and even fluid movement outta me. But many people struggle with anxiety often, so maybe it served to help me understand others' struggles, if nothing else 
01 Mar 17 by member: cerobit
Again, excellent attitude. If you can help others. Kudos. 
01 Mar 17 by member: ClassicRocker

     
 

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