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****Gross content alert****
I've been really struggling to get back on my "healthstyle" track. I haven't gone crazy...I'm not eating candy or tons of junk food...but I know I'm eating too much, too often, and not as mindfully as I was. I have gone back to some unhealthy habits - like eating just before bed, snacking when I'm bored, eating when no one is around with some crazy thought of "If no one sees me, the calories don't count." And I'm having trouble motivating myself to exercise like I did a few months ago.
People around me have started to notice how lax I have become. DS#3 asked me if I'm still dieting. When I told him I'm trying to change my whole lifestyle, not just a temporary diet he told me he thought it looked like I wasn't as concerned about what I was eating (and tried to reassure me that EVERYONE stops after 6 months to a year.) And there have been other comments which tell me my family thinks I'm going back to my old ways.
I was shopping at Sam's Club last night while Goodman was teaching an evening class in Grand Rapids. As I walked around I thought of all the foods/treats I used to buy, and I was really tempted. I bought a couple of the things (cheese spread, salami, chocolate drizzled popcorn) and justified it by saying I was taking it to our son's house this coming weekend for a tailgate party - which is true...but I REALLY should have planned to bring healthy snacks. My thinking at the time was, "mmmm...I haven't had (fill in the blank) in such a long time. I'll buy it to take to the tailgate party and share it, that way I can't over indulge". And while I won't have any problem with it in the house and have enough willpower to stay out of it until the weekend, I'm disappointed in my choice. I could be a much better example to my family and eat healthier at the same time.
As I wandered around (and ate a slice of pizza and a frozen yogurt) I felt really annoyed with myself. I kept a running dialog with myself and with God. A sort of half-prayer asking "Why cant' I get a handle on this?"
***Gross Part***
On our way home GoodMan and I decided to listen to the podcast of our pastor's sermon because we had missed church on Sunday. Our pastor is a VERY good speaker and often uses props or other tools to help bring his point home. In this sermon he began with about 10 seconds of the sounds of retching and vomiting (definitely got my attention!) And then went on to say there is nothing more gross than vomiting...unless it is seeing a dog vomit...but even worse than that is seeing the dog turn around and EAT his vomit. Pastor was illustrating Proverbs 26:11, "As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly." And Pastor went on to say that is often the way we are. We decide to change some aspect of our lives...we may even change for a while...but too often we return to the old ways - our folly. After listening to his whole sermon the point was (from Ephesians 4:22-24) to "put off the old man" (stop doing things the old way), "renew your mind" (LEARN some new ways), and "put on the new man" (become that changed person). Of course part of Pastor's point was doing all this with the help of God.
I have to say the word picture of a dog returning to its vomit (along with the sound effects memory from Pastor's sermon) has me thinking about my slipping back into old habits. Why would I want to go back there?!! It is time for me to throw off that old way of doing things, renew my mind (perhaps read or listen to healthy living documentaries), and become the healthy person I want to be.
TTFN
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 Comments
Know how discouraging it can be to create a new lifestyle, but hang in there, it is worth it. Praying for you and renewed energy physically and spiritually. Bless your heart. Love you! 😉
03 Nov 15 by member: Johod
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I love this. It may be gross but boy, is it true! Thank you for sharing.
03 Nov 15 by member: Rckc
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Rckc said it well! Again, thank you for sharing!
03 Nov 15 by member: kclab
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Not trying to lose weight, just trying to stay within range around 155. My Coumadin levels are playing with me, but as long as it gets rid of the blood clots, I will play along. My God is faithful.
04 Nov 15 by member: Johod
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Great journal, and your pastor's message is a good analogy we can all apply to many parts of our lives. As for "If no one see me, the calories don't count".....NO PLEASE, don't tell me that's not true!!! :) I've been guilty of that thinking before.
04 Nov 15 by member: jmb3450
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An answer to your half-prayer, a message just for you. Something we should all listen and learn. Thank you for sharing. Blessings on your journey.
04 Nov 15 by member: mokupuni
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I think this "falling off the health wagon" thing is contagious! Seems like many of us are having the same problem, including me. For what it's worth I think your idea to take your goodies to the tailgate party was a good one, for the reasons you gave. And I think that seeing your willpower (which of course you would exercise) in only eating small amounts of these treats that you once indulged in. would show your family that you are still very committed to losing weight. I LOVE your pastor's message, & his "illustration", & I'm sure these & his timing were from the Lord. Thank you for sharing this, it helped me too! Now & then we all need a little kick in the butt (or a very vivid message from our pastor, LOL!) to get us re-motivated to do what we know is right. Best wishes to you for continued weight loss determination & success. ~ Skinny Hugs, GLAMMER
04 Nov 15 by member: GLAMMER
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It is Jan now. What r u up to? R u doing ok? Miss reading ur posts.
07 Jan 16 by member: jferg1949
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Grammy, a well thought out journal. Simply diets don't work, as your son says people fall off of them and return to their old ways and usually gain more back than they lost. The only thing that has been proven to work over the long haul is changes in your lifestyle. WOE and exercise. Change things slowly, make sure they fit how you and your family like to eat and cook. Tweak it along the way to fit the changes in your life. I know mine has changed along the way as I have become less and less dependent on all types of animal proteins.
07 Jan 16 by member: wholefoodnut
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I think we all feel like this sometimes (ok, most of the time!). The most important thing is to remind yourself that you are doing this for you. Your health is your future - "indulge" is not a good word - maybe try thinking of the "bad" food as "food I can have once in a while for a special occasion" - also, EVERY DAY IS A NEW START. No matter what you did yesterday, today is a new day and you can follow whatever rules will make you healthier. My mother used to say to me: even if you only follow "the diet" half the time, you are better off than not doing it at all! Yeah, you can get annoyed with yourself all you want but it would be better to focus on when you did well and pay yourself on the back to encourage yourself. It's like when my daughter was potty-training: we used to make a big deal about dry pants, call Grandma, do a little dance, whatever to be positive. If she made a mistake, I just cleaned her up, no bad words to her, quick just get over it. So much better an experience than the anger! Hang in there - you know what to do and you will do it!
07 Jan 16 by member: abbadabba
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I just finished reading your post: I think you get attention when you are "bad" and not so much attention when you are "good" - I think you and Goodman need to have a way to celebrate each week that you do well, like you or he buy some flowers for the dining table or get out to a movie together or write yourself a little note that you and your family can see on the fridge that says "Grammy did a good job this week with her new lifestyle!." Call a grandchild and tell her what a great job you are doing - it will be bragging on yourself, but also letting that child know you want to be around for a long time to be her Grammy.
07 Jan 16 by member: abbadabba
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Wow! If that doesn't motivate us to make changes in all areas of our lives, nothing will. Thank you for sharing your journey and epiphany.
07 Jan 16 by member: Lexiegirl4
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Grammy, I'm re-reading a book that has helped me and have another arriving today so I don't have to check it out of the library. These are "Food Matters" by Mark Bittman and "Younger Next Year" by Chris Crowley (draglist recommended this one to me a few years ago). I figure a good way to reset my thinking going into a new year.
07 Jan 16 by member: wholefoodnut
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