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Good morning everyone! Hope you all had wonderful weekends. Mine was so/so.
I did well Friday. Even though I was making delicious goodies I stayed away from them and was very proud. Saturday in class my instructor brought 2 dozen donuts, as she always does, and kept trying to force them down our throats. I didn't eat one. Very proud of myself as that was the first time I've been able to successfully stay away from the donuts during a Saturday skill lab. Went out to dinner with my mom Saturday evening. We went to red lobster. I had only one cheddar bay biscuit with some high protein lean dinner choices. Another great day. Then Sunday.
The whole basis of my weekend was to do as well as I can as often as I can, and I don't think I failed in that department but I did have a couple extras I could have done without. A couple extra servings of fruit salad/ sweet potatoes, and a whole slice of cheesecake instead of a half. Being as I am an emotional eater, that was my version of an angry outburst. Having some marital issues, and my own personal self esteem issues combined with the high stress day of entertaining guests and preparing a 25lb turkey I kind of just snapped. I didn't binge, so I am actually pretty proud of that. I keep trying to pick myself up. For example this morning as I was walking my son into school I thought a negative thought about my weight, then I reminded myself that these are still size 14 jeans I'm walking around in, not the 24's I used to wear. Regardless of how I might feel about myself, the sizes don't lie. Sure they were a lot looser on me a couple months ago but they still fit, damnit. I shocked myself with a negative comment about myself in skill lab Saturday. Usually I keep my self loathing inside, so to hear it out loud was a bit of a surprise. Some girls in class were talking about how much they love the pretty lacy underwear and bras from Victoria's secret. I've never shopped there myself, so I really don't get it. One girl said that she loves the cute sexy lace, and I responded... out loud... "well, there's nothing sexy about me, anyway." Kind of wow, that's really how I feel about myself. If one of my classmates would have said that I would have felt bad for her, what a startling realization to find that's how I feel about me. I guess I need to work on that.
So although I feel a little defeated by the choices I made yesterday I realize that every calorie counts so today I start anew. Haven't made it back to the gym yet but I'm not going to harass myself about it. I have a final exam and two competencies this week, and I need to finish my holiday shopping. Just trying to get the eating right. This is the last week before Christmas break for me, going to make the most of the time I have while the kids are in school.
Have a good day!
Diet Calendar Entry for 15 December 2014:
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1074 kcal
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Fat: 52.69g | Prot: 50.26g | Carb: 103.05g.
Breakfast: Great Value Wheat Sandwich Bread, Egg, Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Marshmallow fruit salad, Coffee-Mate Original Powder Creamer. Lunch: Kettle Brand Jalapeno Jack Potato Chips, Italian Hero Sandwich. more...
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 Comments
On my Facebook account I have joined several sites that are devoted to positive thinking. They post all kinds of things that are sometimes very helpful for me. Many are related to relationships and others to self help. For relationships, most have a theme of being with someone who supports you and who lifts you up. They talk about getting rid of the people in your life who are negative or who bring you down. It seems to me that is also relevant to yourself. You need to have a relationship with yourself that is supportive and loving and that lifts you up. I am w3orking on this myself as you probably know. But I am getting better. you will too. I think the realization that you had when you heard yourself make the comment outloud is likely just the catalyst you needed. Stress and marrital issues can make it so much more difficult but at least you know you can do it and you know where to find help.
15 Dec 14 by member: alexzwk
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Yo I also have never shopped at Victoria's Secret. Frankly I always thought the secret was that she was a slut...HAHAHA. I recently have discovered though that I like to feel sexy. It doesn't happen as much as I want because I have an awful body to look at. The one thing I have going for me is cleavage. I don't think hubby would appreciate me sharing it with other men however ;)
My hubs married me when I was considerably smaller...but he has been there for everything...the good and the bad. I really want to be smaller for him again. I know that he would enjoy that. I think that is what hurts the most when I fail. That is why this last year has been so hard. Last night I was dreaming that the abnormal pap results I got lead to me needing to go through cancer treatments...this is not what my family doctor told me. He said that the cancer portion came back negative. However the mind is a funny part of us that makes us think all kinds of awful things. Have to "let it go" and see what happens. I can't go to the doctor until after Christmas because now I am on call for jury duty. Yuck!
15 Dec 14 by member: kmunson
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Forgive yourself ~ and will make it easier to forgive others. "Sexy" isn't a look.. it's a state of mind and attitude. *I* am not sexy at any size... I just don't have that attitude and if I do try to wear those lacy things I feel silly. But that has nothing to do with my body NOR does it have anything to do with yours. I totally understand the easy go to of emotional eating but (preaching to the choir here) you know that solves nothing; it's akin to drinking when depressed. You're aware of it and just like I have to (and I miss it often so I'm not lecturing) WE have to find another way to soothe our emotional pain besides cheesecake. I actually think in my case I don't do it to soothe; I do it because it's punishing. I know too much food is going to 'hurt' physically and too many calories will eventually hurt my goal of maintaining a healthy weight. These are the thoughts I have to carry and know you do too. Another day - progress, not perfection. Also - I totally agree depression cannot be considered a sin; I apologize if it read that way. I was just thinking about how similar it felt. Chin up kiddo.
15 Dec 14 by member: FullaBella
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I sohear what you are saying; we become accustomed to telling ourselves negatives things and it IS difficult to change that habit. Keep trying! You won't fail so long as you keep trying.
15 Dec 14 by member: kclab
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I'd also like to add that I think you should give yourself some Victoria Secret panties (at least) for Christmas. It is amazing what knowing you have on sexy undies does to your self esteem. I believe it even makes me carry myself more attractively. It could all be in my head but so what?! I almost always by my underwear there and try to at least have them match what I am wearing. Generally I can't find a bra there to fit me - cup size is too big and I tend to over flow their bras. But I have a couple of their bras and when I wear them I feel great (I just have to keep reloading the cups and that is a pain). I have a couple other tricks that I will tell you in private but the bottom line is - you have to feel sexy Yolanda... you are a beautiful woman and you deserve that feeling. Nobody needs to know what you have on under your clothes but you. And when you have pretty undies on - it just helps make the entire day better. Try it... I promise you will like it.
15 Dec 14 by member: alexzwk
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Oh, and another thing.. I think your 'sexy' WILL come in a few more years... most women don't truly feel sexy in their own skin, genuinely, not forced and ooohh.. look at me I'm wearing peekaboo clothing.. until their 40s. I'm just sayin' :-)
15 Dec 14 by member: FullaBella
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Overall, you did great! Pat yourself on the back! Like I said before, you are a beautiful person. Every relationship has ups and downs. Patience sometimes wins the battle. You should feel 'sexy' no matter what you are wearing and no matter what size you are. Just need to do an attitude adjusting :) You are worth it!! There are a number of online sites, as well as stores (Cato) that have really cute 'under it all' clothes. Not just Victoria Secret. I like Cato because of the cute styles and different sizes. Even though I wear smaller sizes now, even back it my 24/26 days I could find something cute. I refuse to wear 18 hour looking like my grandmas stuff. So, even though my outward appearance was all big, I felt good all under! Did wonders for me confidence. Just had to dodge mirrors :)!!
15 Dec 14 by member: kattay
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Yolanda, I agree with everyones comments on here myself and with Glen from your picture you are very attractive and I am probaly old enough to be your grandfather or your Dad. Just give yourself a chance wealth and looks dont buy happiness, happiness and wealth come from within.
15 Dec 14 by member: Rockiesfan
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15 Dec 14 by member: kattay
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Yolanda, you are allowed a few extra treats once in awhile. We are all human and if you don't have an indulgance once in awhile then you will have a crash. As for being sexy, we all have those fat images in our head that are hard to shake. You had a a-ha moment by saying you are a size 14 instead of 24 which is huge difference. You are much healthier now and you can do so many things with your kids now that you couldn't do before. You are amazing!!
15 Dec 14 by member: aggie95
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