RiverRes's Journal, 16 June 2013

Nutritionally, I am doing well. I am staying under my RDI and I have been committed to working out 4-5 ays each week. Curves is great for that and my friend that joined with me is really helping me stay motivated. I am not really losing any weight, but I am feeling good physically. The workouts are helping; I can feel a difference in my muscle composition. My personal life needs some work, though....

Another tough three weeks in the books. My father is back in the nursing home after falling four times in the past two weeks. No broken bones, but a lot of hurt and aches. He hit his head pretty hard the first fall and is barely coherent. The falls and dementia make it extremely dangerous for him to be alone and it is hard to watch him deteriorate this way.

Even though we tried desperately to avoid it, it appears that we kids are not the united front we thought we would be as our parents aged and their ability to make decisions for themselves disappeared. 4 out of 5 of us recommend (Dentyne gum anyone?) assisted living for one or both parents. We have one delusional hold out brother (he lives 600 miles away) who thinks we can find someone to be with our parents and watch over them constantly. He thinks this magic, non existant person can prevent the falls my father has taken - when in reality no one can. Not the hospital, not the nursing home, and not my Mom. It was so hard to see Dad "read" his Father's day card today as he held it upside down in his hands.

I don't think I will take the kids to see him anymore. They will need to ask - it was hard for them to see how far he has deteriorated in the past three weeks. I can't watch their faces as they process what appears to be the inevitable outcome. I am trying desperately not to dump my own emotional baggage onto them - they have enough to contend with.

Oldest son went to see a psychiatrist this past week. He has been put on some new anti-depressants and I am praying that they will make a difference. The temp job is already gone - he quit after suffering through multiple panic attacks over the past three weeks. At least he didn't give into to the thoughts of causing himself harm. I am so glad that those feelings passed. He may actually continue to see the psychiatrist - when he first met with him, he said he wouldn't. He gets very paranoid and was convinced that the doctor didn't understand him. The short term effects of the new meds may have chnaged his mind, though. That would be a true BLESSING!

Younger son continues with the headaches. He has also seen a psychiatrist and will follow up with him after his trip to the national convention for FBLA. He was referred to a massage therapist and a psychologist and we are pleased with the psychologist - she is helping him ID and resolve many of the bad experiences from his childhood. There is such power in letting go. His experience with the massage therapist turned almost laughable as she engaged in releasing bad energies via hand gestures. Kind of hokey and he certainly didn't believe in what she was doing. It may work on some folks, but we are skeptics for sure.

We saw the neurologist this past week, too. She is upping his dosage of a drug known in the profession as "dopamax" because it literally makes you dopey. My son should be at the maximum dosage within the next 6 weeks. If that doesn't work, he will get nerve block injections at the base of his skull. The neurologist introduced us to a game the insurance companies play called, the "two failure" rule. The doctor must demonstrate that two methods of treatment have been attempted and failed before she can actually use what will most likely help him with his headache. There is a strong liklihood that he must endure at least three more months of constant pain before he will have relief. Pretty damned hard to sign up for that as a parent.

My daughter is doing wonderfully, but all of this is taking a toll on her, too. She never experienced the full wrath of her father the way her brothers have, but she still lived through it all right along side of them. She will need to see a psycholgist, too. I just need to find her one that she likes.

Here is to a less busy week; but I think I know better. I hope everyone here is well and forgives me for my inability to stay on top of this as well as what is going on in my personal life. As long as I don't gain weight, I am pretty dang happy for now!

Diet Calendar Entries for 16 June 2013:
1429 kcal Fat: 59.22g | Prot: 78.97g | Carb: 151.43g.   Breakfast: Milk (Nonfat), Sugar in the Raw Stevia in the Raw, Folgers Flavors French Vanilla Ground Coffee, Jimmy Dean D-Lights Turkey Sausage, Egg White and Cheese Croissant. Lunch: Domino's Pizza 12" Deep Dish Vegi Feast Pizza. Dinner: Beef Top Sirloin (Trimmed to 1/8" Fat), Kraft Macaroni & Cheese as Packaged. Snacks/Other: Dry Roasted Salted Peanuts, Red Raspberries. more...
2637 kcal Activities & Exercise: Desk Work - 5 hours, Housework - 1 hour, Shopping - 30 minutes, Driving - 2 hours, Resting - 7 hours and 30 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
on diet RiverRes's own diet  


You are doing amazingly, incredibly, unbelievably well considering all that you're dealing with in your personal life! Don't forget that! Good for you for staying within your RDI & keeping up with your exercise. I know how much better it makes me feel when I workout, & hope it's the same for you, plus by doing it with a friend, you also get a little time to socialize too. Hang in there with your parents & children! I moved my Mom into assisted living about 18 months ago & it was the best thing, even though she sometimes doesn't think so. She has alzheimer's & back/disk problems on & off. I hope you can convince your hold out brother... or use the "majority rules" rule. And, you are doing all the right things for your children & getting them all the help they need. But, I know it is the hardest thing to watch our kids suffer & struggle. It's helped me to remember that it is through our struggles that we truly grow & mature. Thinking of you! xoxox 
17 Jun 13 by member: Ruhu
Considering everything you have on your plate river, you're doing great. Hope your life settles down in the near future. Try to make time for yourself as well. 
17 Jun 13 by member: cjmurph


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