RiverRes's Journal, 23 June 2013

Another week of just being grateful that I didn't gain weight. I really should have gained - I had ice cream with caramel sauce on three separate occasions - I have really become aware of just how much my emotions eat away at my resolve (no pun intended). I use food as a reward. You made it through another difficult day, you got that project completed, etc. It is really something I need to work on. I even tried to use something from previous journals as a guide for my rewards, but I still turned to food.

My week was a roller coaster. I took my son to the psychologist on Monday and stopped in to visit Dad at the nursing home. He was near death - ashen and he wouldn't wake up when we tried to rouse him. They had him in an oxygen mask/nebulizer and the O2 levels were up to an 8. He typically is at a 2.5 but his blood O2 saturation was only at 70%. He had developed pneumonia and had fluid in his lungs on top of his dementia and cracked ribs from falling. I truly thought I was seeing him for the last time. He wouldn't eat and they had to hook him up to an IV to get him some fluids. The nursing home called an emergency family meeting on Tuesday and we prayed he would make it through the night. The nursing home did a tremendous job of recognizing the issue, getting him x-rayed, and getting him on meds.

I didn't really sleep on Monday night. I showed up to work on Tuesday all weepy and ended up taking the rest of the week off from work. I spoke with my brother on Monday night and he agreed that Dad's condition on Monday was the worst we had ever witnessed. On Tuesday, my kids and I came for the meeting at the nursing home and Dad's room was empty. We panicked. Thanks goodness we are logical individuals - we noticed his wheelchair was gone and started scouring the building to look for him. We found him in the back dining room, polishing off a plate of mac and cheese! I was stunned! He was better and more lucid than he had been for weeks.

The meeting took on a whole different tone. Where we thought we were meeting to plan for hospice care, we instead met about rehabilitation expectations and where he would he go after he left their facility. They made it clear that he can't go home, but we had already been planning for that (poorly, but still planning). We used the opportunity to get a very clear picture of my parents' living will and now we are all onboard.

I spent the rest of the week driving back and forth to my old home town, packing for my Mom, taking care of her errands, and visiting Dad. Mom and Dad have lived in the same 6 bedroom house for 57 years and it is amazing how much they have accumulated voer the years. To imagine them downsizing to a one bedroom studio or 2-3 room apartment is overwhelming. But that is what we have to do.

I was disappointed with my brother and sister's efforts to find my parents an assisted living facility. They each visited one and then called it good. I took my Mom to see one of them that they had "pre-screened" and there wasn't enough room to use their queen sized bed and still get a wheelchair alongside. I don't know what they are thinking of; but it certainly wasn't my parents! I researched all the other facilities in the county and came up with three more to visit with my Mom. One actually has apartments with full kitchens and a lot of support for my parent's religious life and so it is my personal favorite.

So, back to food. I ate out WAY too much this week. There are so many hidden calories in restaurant food. And on top of that was the ice cream for getting through the day and doing the things that I have dreaded. I only worked out one day too, but as much as I did packing and moving, I felt justified.
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Comments 
So happy and relieved that your dad is okay! We all fall off track and you had such an emotionally trying week, you don't have to feel the need to justify anything. It happens to the best of us and there's always tomorrow to make better choices! Wishing you luck.  
23 Jun 13 by member: Jenny2326
You are dealing with so much right now, my friend, please hang in there, do what you can for your family & take care of yourself too! Thinking of you! Xoxox 
23 Jun 13 by member: Ruhu
Reading your journal has flooded me w/ emotion. While I know you want to try to fit all this in...and to stay on track - plse give yourself the occasional 'permission' to be human! Some of your fondest memories will be in the most stressful of moments - cherish them...caramel and all!!! 
23 Jun 13 by member: jsfantome
My prayers are with you and your parents don't be hard on yourself you have a lot to deal with and the last thing you should be stressing about is your eating habits. Live for the day, tomorrow can wait.  
24 Jun 13 by member: Vcravener

     
 

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