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i have been doing a lot of thinking on why i am self sabotaging my diet. why is it that i get to the point that i am doing well then do something i know is wwrong untill i get back to my comfort zone. what i have come to think is this, if i loose this weight if i get my body to where it should be where will that leave me? i have spent the last 40 years saying the reason people dont like me, the reason i didn't get the promotion ,the reason the guy i liked didn't like me was because i was fat and ugly! it has been a security blanket for my entire life! what do i do if i loose the weight and the things that i thought it would correct are not fixed? what do i do when i no longer have my weight to blame things on? am i ready to loose the baggage as well as the weight? am i willing to put my self out there and take life head on with out my cushion of fat to protect me? there are many things that i have blamed my apearance for and many things that i don't want to face without my fat to blame. its easy to say when you are fat ,oh she is just lazy or has no self control or she would not be fat it is also easy to say they don't like me because they can't stand to look at me i do not fit in to the mold that they have created. fear has been driving me my entire life and i have learned to hide behind my wall of excuses and fat so now i am faced with the question what will i do if loosing this weight does not fix the things i want it to fix? how will i cope with learning to accept the other things in my life that need work? no one is perfect and we all try to do the best we can. but do we? or are we simply trying to do what we have to do to survive? so many things that need work in my life and the fat is only the tip of the iceburge. if i can loose the weight am i strong enough to face the things in my life that i have blamed my weight for? can i find a better more healthy way to deal with my insecurities? my fears? where do i hide if i have no fat to protect me from life?
Diet Calendar Entries for 19 August 2010:
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1198 kcal
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Fat: 73.77g | Prot: 105.67g | Carb: 21.69g.
Breakfast: Water, coffee, pecooked sausage patties, eggs, coffeemate sugar free creamer. Lunch: thin slice bacon, purple onion. Dinner: Lettuce, Cheddar Cheese, salsa, daisy sour cream, green peppers, chicken, Avocados. Snacks/Other: chicken. more...
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2451 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 1 hour, Resting - 15 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
RH, you have spoken for many of us in your journal. I have felt these very feelings that you are speaking of. And the answer to those questions are YES! Yes, you are ready to let all of these things go and accept that you do deserve all of these things and so much more.
19 Aug 10 by member: kmartin
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I have a strong feeling that as the weight drops you will find a new confidence in life and the fear of failure will burn away with the pounds. It is great that you are recognizing this journey as a mental transition (which must come first!) more than a physical body transformation. You are creating a whole new mindset, putting yourself first instead of hiding behind the scenes, making yourself accountable instead of burying your actions in excuses, and taking life by the horns. It takes a LOT of strength, but that is why you are here. And why we are here for you. The first step is recognizing the problem, which you just did. Now it is how you fix that problem in order to move forward... are you ready? I think you are more ready than you give yourself credit for. Show your strength, stop the sabotage, and watch your confidence change with your body. No more fear.
19 Aug 10 by member: RedHolly
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I agree the confidence comes with the weight loss! It did for me last time i lost and I never even got to goal I was 25 lbs away... My problem is I'm a social eater so I like to join in on the festivities so if I'm at a party and they have high carb foods I tend to eat them... when I got together with my husband all he eats is granola bars and chocolate, coke and burgers with fries... He's skinny so has a wonderful metabolism but when I started eating those things with him I eventually gained the weight back!
I know for getting confidence and being social the 12 steps of AA helped me. I honestly don't know what would help you but you may wanna try Overeaters Anonymous they use the 12 steps and help to change the person so that you would be ready then for the weight loss.
Just a thought,
Myree
19 Aug 10 by member: Myree67
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fat insulates us from a lot...and I think that fear of having no buffer is behind self-sabotage. Been there done that a few times hon! We all gots some baggage. Once I got serious with my husband, bags I didnt even know I had packed were jumping out at me from all corners LOL. Try not to get overwhelmed---but I too think you are more ready than you give yourself credit for. Just the fact that you KNOW all this, and wrote this long post about it shows you are ready to face things and shuffle through them. YOU CAN DO IT!
19 Aug 10 by member: LCGlowy
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You've taken amazing steps in recognizing that weight is about a lot more than just the food we eat. There will always be people that do not like us, don't include us, don't select us, etc. no matter what our weight. We are each unique, wonderful souls that fit into this world in varied and unique ways. Myree wrote about the 12-step programs. I'd also recommend going to a bookstore in the self-help section and finding a daily affirmation book - there are LOTS out there, often used as adjuncts to 12-step programs. You have the ability to face the worl and all its challenges without the protective fat. After all, it didn't REALLY protect you from bad feelings, did it???
19 Aug 10 by member: Sandy701
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sandy you are right it didn't but at least it was a comfortable pain right? thanks guys!
19 Aug 10 by member: restlesshope
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RH, now that you recognize that you have been hiding from the world (and from yourself, I might add), there is no longer any reason to accept failure. You have looked inside yourself, and once that happens, the scary monster you have been hiding from loses it's power over you! So now, the only monster left to battle, is the CARB MONSTER!!!! AHHHHHHHH (runs screaming from the room)!!!! He is your true enemy, not the nameless people that you have been hiding from all your life!! So it's time to open your heart, let those that love you in, and to heck with the others. If they didn't like you before why the heck would you care what they think now???? Kick 'em to the curb, and get on with your new WOE and live your life to it's fullest!! It's all there for the taking, all you have to do is reach out and grab it!!!!
19 Aug 10 by member: ctlss
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