FullaBella's Journal, 15 December 2012

December 15, 2012 - Small and Subtle but Celebratory Changes Noted since 12/6/12:
*Lost 5 more pounds bringing total weight loss to 60lbs since August 25, 2012.
*Can lift & cross legs without assisting them.
*Woke early (on purpose) to work out in the fitness room at a resort instead of sleeping late followed by a huge brunch with Bloody Mary's as the appetizer.
*Survived the All you Can Eat Buffet twice in one weekend without destroying my RDI
*Developed within myself a phrase I now call 'Visual Fulfillment' (see Journal 12/10/12 if interested)
*Broke another spoke on my wheel of insanity (see Journal 12/11/12 if interested)
*Can now feel the bones in the back of my hands when I run my fingertips over them
*Was able to slide into a smaller size of jeans
*Someone 16 years younger and at least 80 pounds lighter walking with me pleaded for me to 'slow down'.
*Survived a hateful self image attack and grew stronger
*Having to prop myself up more in my desk chair; hydraulic lift wore out long ago and I must now have less padding in MY seat.
*Finally connected that a craving indicates a desire to 'taste', not consume an entire 'serving'.

December 6, 2012 - Small and Subtle but Celebratory Changes Noted since 11/24/12:
*Lost 5 more pounds bringing weight loss to 55lbs since August 25, 2012
*I can now wear a regular bath towel instead of a bath sheet
*Medications for diabetes and cholesterol will not be required as I was able to bring those back within an acceptable limit by eating healthy
*Had a Doctor tell me she was impressed ~ with my history of obesity that is indeed a rare thing to hear and experience
*Six people commented suddenly within this week 'Wow, you've lost weight' although most of the credit this week was due to new underwear.
*I was able to work five hours getting my storeroom ready for a workout room this past week. Four months ago I was too heavy, exhausted and uncomfortable to even stand there for more than a few minutes much less do the bending and heavy lifting.
*I've continued to meet more friends at FS and be inspired more than ever with their experiences, encouragement and support.
*I actually ate pasta and didn't have a guilt laden urge to purge
*I managed to survive a couple of 'emotional' anger moments without binging - I did open the fridge door and stared at the shelves but caught myself, slammed the door shut and walked away.
*An uncontrollable craving morphed into MayoBinge but didn't purge and got back on track with healthy eating the very next day
*I actually researched a treadmill online with really serious intentions to buy
*I made reservations for a weekend away and actually cared whether the hotel had a workout room rather than stocked minibar and midnight room service.
*I stood in a line at a store and was comfortable without the need to lean over on the cart and constantly alternate my feet as I had to in the past
*I dropped a pen while driving and once I pulled over to a safe stop I was able to bend down and pick the pen up off the floorboard instead of having to step out of the car to bend over to get it
*Twice I tried to get out of the car without unhooking the seatbelt (okay, that just reads idiotic regardless of weight but in the past it choked me so badly it was the first thing unbuckled before I even turned off the engine ~ now it's obviously loose enough to be an afterthought.)

November 24, 2012 - Small and Subtle but Celebratory Changes Noted Since Starting 8/25/ 2012:
*Lost nearly 50lbs
*Dropped 4 sizes in jeans and wearing pants with a zipper & a number rather than 3X
*Can stand over an hour now without pain
*Have more energy and confidence
*Have NOT STARVED or USED pills to suppress appetite
*Only one binge / purge incident and that was the first week
*Choose to walk more and park farther from stores when safe
*Can reach body parts easier as well as not feeling strangled by seatbelt
*Haven't suffered acid reflux at night once
*Am proud of myself
*Joined fat secret and met a lot of nice people and made some good friends
*Have enjoyed finding new and healthy and delicious foods to eat so I feel confident I CAN do this the rest of my life
*Have lowered my fasting blood sugar from 160 to 110 without medication
*Am not fearing lab work check up due next week
*Am looking forward to doc visit due next week as her reaction to my plan to lower blood sugar and cholesterol with diet instead of drugs was a look of skepticism (sp?)
*Have started taking stairs instead of elevator (up but not down yet - bad knee - maybe another 20lbs and I'll add the 'down ')
*Have started treating myself with more care and respect
*Have found a nice balance between 'live to eat 'vs 'eat to live'
*Am looking forward to today, tomorrow and next 90 days.

Diet Calendar Entries for 15 December 2012:
1698 kcal Fat: 79.29g | Prot: 57.76g | Carb: 207.70g.   Breakfast: Coffee, Creamer, Flax Seed, Quaker Old Fashioned Oatmeal, Coconut Oil, Plain non fat yogurt, Schwans Mixed Berries. Lunch: Spinach, Tomato, Fresh Express 3-Color Deli Coleslaw, Mushrooms, Cucumber, Fat Free Balsamic Vinaigrette Dressing. Dinner: Pizza with Meat and Fruit, Gouda Cheese, Bread Italian, Olives, Puff Pastry. Snacks/Other: Granny Smith Apple, Plain Yogurt, Almonds, Wholly Guacamole, String Cheese Weight Watchers, Stacys Bagel, Fig Newton's. more...
2315 kcal Activities & Exercise: Sleeping - 24 hours. more...


Those subtle changes add up to a lot of encouragement. 60 pounds is a great accomplishment. Very proud of you. :)  
15 Dec 12 by member: teskandar
You are rockin' it! I love your Visual Fulfillment; I'd missed that journal entry & your mindful eating; love it. You're really doing well, learning, growing, becoming who you want to be, and noting the process; all so good and inspiring.  
15 Dec 12 by member: crabby Kat
Thank you Teska and CrabbyK - Hopefully the list will continue to grow and grow as I remember to celebrate the little changes along the way. I won't say "I'd be happy to stay where I am' because I'm really looking forward to go-kart racing my grandsons when I lose 100lbs. However, I plan to stay with FS a long time to maintain when I reach goal weight and anytime I may slip / forget / grow complacent and let the pounds start back I will look at this list and remember the bad and the good. Right now I still feel like the newbie at an AA meeting because I am here posting and reading so much and I'm sure as I conquer more challenges and develop more skills I will trust myself more and move toward intuitive eating with less obsessing but for now I'm having the time of my life. I have done this in the past (read bio) and because of that, because I've put back on massive weight losses, I did NOT this time keep photos or the tent pants ~ I want every day of this to be the best new day of my life. However, old habits come back and I was thinking about 'the last time I lost 100+lbs' and I think.... I really think... I've lost this 60lbs FASTER withOUT starving or feeling deprived or binging & purging and without pills (dextrim/phentermine/etc). I'm living waddling proof this healthy eating crap actually works. If I can do it, anyone can :-) Now if I could just learn to stop rambling ..... eh, what the heck.. I'm a work in progress... 
15 Dec 12 by member: FullaBella
Keep rambling, my Angel, because as always, you've shared just what I've needed to hear again. I've been struggling with the emotions of the tragedy in a CT town not far from my own. But my boys are home now for the holidays:) & I've hugged them each as long as humanly/humanely possible! And, reading your reminder to not get complacent, stick with my healthy eating plan, & make each day the best new day of my life has me feeling refreshed & ready to pray, breathe, log, post & feel again today for this one day, meal, minute & emotion at a time. (In light of all thats happened, my OCD over the perfect holiday is a distant memory!) God has blessed me, Bella, by putting you in my life! And, in the words of Tiny Tim, "God bless us everyone!" 
16 Dec 12 by member: Ruhu
Thank you Angel Ruth - this latest of tragedies saddens, angers and confuses all of us leaving us with a 'what's the point' response. I continue to pray for understanding though I know the 'why' will elude us forever. So keep hugging those boys and friends and everything every chance you get. I cannot control whatever the force of evil is that puts such destruction in the hearts of humans but I will not allow it to rob me of my ability to recognize the good still walking the earth. If we allow grief and mourning to completely deplete our hope ... we're lost. 
16 Dec 12 by member: FullaBella


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