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The hits just keep on coming for me this year...My father just passed away yesterday. I really thought that he would be Ok after his stroke but his surgery afterwards just proved too much for his body and stopped his heart. So sad to even write those words. Even though we were not very close, I still hurt. Can't stop crying. I keep having these moments of memories that are just killing me. Yesterday was not that bad, but today is proving to be extremely hard for me. My mind is just reeling. Hubby is away and I am alone. Don't know what to do with myself, just trying to keep busy. And the weirdest thing.... This morning I was woken up by loud birds by my hallway window; as I looked out a big black crow had taken a baby bird, and the baby was half dead. Couldn't deal with it this morning, so I went to work. After work I came home and found the baby still alive and trying to breathe. So freaking sad!!!! I had to go out and kill it, the poor thing was suffering for hours. Oh my God, can I get a break or what this year. WTF! The worst days ever of this year. Please send me some peace! I can't take much more.
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174.6 lb
Lost so far: 31.4 lb.
Still to go: 4.6 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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Diet Calendar Entry for 23 May 2018:
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284 kcal
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Fat: 15.83g | Prot: 17.52g | Carb: 15.90g.
Breakfast: Marketside Organic Cage Free Brown Eggs, Chicken Sausage, Decaffeinated Coffee, Great Value Hazelnut Coffee Creamer. more...
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losing 0.9 lb a week
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 Comments
23 May 18 by member: marshakanady
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I am so sorry for your loss! sending comforting & healing thoughts your way! stay strong and be encouraged. praying your day gets better! Take care of U!
23 May 18 by member: marshakanady
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Just read your journal, it is rough going through this thing that we all hate to go through. I remember when my mother passed, I thought how will I keep going. I remember keeping so busy , so I can stop thinking about my mom not being around. I kept telling myself that I know my mother wants me to stop crying for her and start living and enjoy life. I think going places where there's people around and maybe just go for a walk at a park to help keep a peaceful mind..Keep busy til your husband gets home..
23 May 18 by member: jdeuster
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Are still involved with your dance studio? That would be the place I would probably go. Or maybe put on some music and dance in your living room. Time to dance again. Be kind to yourself and dance for your Dad.
23 May 18 by member: Little Red Fox
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I am from PR, and Hurricane Maria was a nightmare. My car was smashed by a mango tree and the front glass broke, FEMA said no help. My cruise was cancelled because carnival cruiseline, made contract with FEMA,for 5 months. It was my anniversary slash birthday celebration. Looking forward for 8 months. My mother passed away in emergency, being in perfect health and still hurts. Menopause makes it difficult to sleep and looking at food makes me gain weight. My father is 82,lives alone, climbs stairs and is impossible to talk to him. My neighbors have domestic violence in their home. Thank god they separated a month ago, that is solved. I am feeling better about my mother, now I remember her with joy, and I took my beloved cruise 4 weeks ago, and I had the time if my life. Soooo, things will get better eventually. If I survived 4 months without electricity, car and entertainment, hot food and cold drinks in a Caribbean island, etc. I hope I inspire you to hang in there, it will pass, slowly but it will.
23 May 18 by member: Damaris Berdut
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My heartfelt condolences Sweetie. This is a most difficult time for you sending love and peace.
23 May 18 by member: 8Patty
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Praying for you that you continue. Things are going to get better. We just have to take one day at a time.❤
23 May 18 by member: Kannsharon
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Awe I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your Dad. My Mom passed last year so I understand how you are feeling. Do you have any friends or family you can visit just to talk? It helped me to listen to music my Mom liked and look at things that she gave me so I could think about better times. I'm sorry about that baby bird. Please come back here for more support.
23 May 18 by member: ny_shelly
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Anyone would be heart-broken over all this. So sorry you are having to go through it alone. The memories of your father may hurt at first but as time goes by you will be able to think of the good times and smile again. You are doing the right thing by trying to keep busy, it helps. But sometimes it helps more to have a friend or other family member to talk to about your feelings. Crying helps too, so don't try to stop it. Little things will set you off but you are stronger than you think. Birds are fragile, I'm a bird lover, but I too could not stand to let that little thing suffer. Stay busy dear and know that there are people who care. I hope your husband returns soon to help you get through this.
23 May 18 by member: BlueFront
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So sorry for your loss, and for the shock. Breathe deep.
23 May 18 by member: jengetfit123
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Sorry for your huge loss 😔 There are just no words.
23 May 18 by member: Tabbigurl
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I’m so sorry for your loss. Please take the time to grieve and cry as much as your want. Only God and time will help to ease the heartache and sorrow.
I send you a big hug and you’re in my prayers.
23 May 18 by member: ccook2017
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We are all here to support you with your loss. Time heals but the immediate pain is there. Think of good things...
23 May 18 by member: cstella1
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So sorry for your loss, and not having Hubby there. Praying that life gets out of the way and you are allowed to grieve properly and fully. Words are nowhere near enough to bring comfort, but I wish you Peace.
23 May 18 by member: TomLong
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Sorry for your loss, and for the bad days your having, life can be very upsetting sometimes I do hope you find some peace.
23 May 18 by member: skinnyminny54
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