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Doing some mental housecleaning today. Not really seeking support, more just like thinking aloud and getting it out there for accountability purposes.
One of the biggest revelations I had before recommitting to losing weight was that my hardest struggles weren't on the plate or in the gym, they were in my own head. And that hasn't been the easiest thing to admit to, or to continue to address.
I'm in a good place now. Jack is an amazing, supportive partner. My kids are getting old enough that they're taking on more and more responsibility for their own self-care and are able to contribute to the household work. I found a new career that doesn't require me to carry the world's problems on my shoulders. I've established firm boundaries with the toxic people in my life.
I've learned how to assertively communicate my needs to and expectations of others, and I have learned how to unequivocally, unapologetically say "no" without feeling like I need to explain myself to anyone for doing it.
So why do I still feel so... unsure... that I'm doing okay?
I'm not a religious person, but a former client was a Lutheran church, and the pastor there said something to me about how when we get closest to really making a positive difference is when things get hardest, that the closer we get to succeeding, the more we'll experience a crisis of conscience. He called this effect "Satan's Darts," and I think it's such a perfect description of this constant needling and self-doubt going on in my head.
I'm not sure how to combat this just yet, but I'll be reflecting on it for a while. If you've experienced something similar and have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them.
Diet Calendar Entries for 15 May 2018:
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1083 kcal
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Fat: 35.35g | Prot: 98.78g | Carb: 87.38g.
Breakfast: Herbalife Nutritional Shake Mix - Pralines & Cream, Herbalife Protein Drink Mix - Vanilla. Lunch: Parmesan Cheese (Shredded), Fresh Express Spring Mix, T. Marzetti Caesar Baked Croutons, Ken's Steak House Country French with Vermont Honey Dressing, Beef and Broccoli, Mahatma Jasmine Rice. Dinner: Rotisserie Chicken (Skin Not Eaten). more...
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2769 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Weight Training (moderate) - 30 minutes, Resting - 15 hours and 30 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
If you are going in a new direction, you don't know how you are going to feel when you "get there" and there isn't anyone outside of the people who love you to pat you on the back and say "yes, you are doing great!" which is a lot like when your mom says you are beautiful and smart and the best person in the world - she's your mom, she is supposed to think that, so how can you trust her judgement? It's also like performance anxiety, where if you are thinking about the upcoming performance (of life!) you hope you don't mess it up but you won't know til you get on that stage if all your rehearsals are going to help you be successful in your next act.
From Shakespeare:
All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.
15 May 18 by member: abbadabba
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Congratulations!! I’ve been trying to set boundaries with some people who like to walk all over us but so far it hasn’t taken. They seem oblivious and if they do listen then we get a guilt trip. I also tend to give in. After saying ‘no’ I get hounded or they go around me to my husband or kids(3,9&12). I’ve learned that it happens less if I give an explanation but it never works just shortens the stressful time. I wish I could do as you’ve done!
On the weight loss- you can do it :). I’m learning that there are a ton of very supportive people on this app/website so lean on us when you need to and remember that you have the strength to meet your goals :)
15 May 18 by member: peeperjj
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good share. be encouraged. make the best decisions for you to succeed. control your mind and you can control your world! stay strong don't give up or in!
15 May 18 by member: marshakanady
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I am starting on my weight loss journey today.Went to a weight loss clinic,they gave me good ideas on where to start so I wanted a way to track what I'm eating,and the amount of calories . Looking forward to being healthier as well as not being ashamed of how I look not only to myself but how others see me.
15 May 18 by member: B_DIXON
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You said it - Setting and maintain boundaries. It is really hard some days to accept that I am valuable and deserve respect. the reality is that I do and it starts with me - I have to value me and I have to respect me. No more negative self talk - no more being ok with someone who treats me poorly (or like a doormat). My job is to be the best me I can be - I trust that God has my back so I just have to do the work in front of me. the people in my life who truly respect me don't have issues with boundaries - the ones who "need" me to do something for them can't accept limits and eventually move on. I wish you all the best on your adventure.
15 May 18 by member: tahoebrun
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I could have written this post...being ok with myself has never been a strong point of mine. I have an amazing husband, great kids and a good life. But I am constantly questioning myself and never feel like I’m good enough. I love tahoe’s advice about valuing and respecting ourselves—it has to start with us and we have to get rid of the negative self talk. Just how to do that I don’t know haha! It’s a work in progress. Losing weight has definitely helped me feel better about myself (as shallow as that sounds) but I also think this way of eating has helped balance some hormone issues I’ve had and that helps my state of mind. If you find an answer, let me know! 😉 good luck to you in everything
15 May 18 by member: momma6224
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I completely understand. My compliments on how far you've come in setting boundaries and creating a supportive environment for yourself. To address your question; I learned (with a lot of help from my dear sister) over the years, how to counter those negative thoughts and beliefs, in varies ways, but what helped me the most was learning how to be my own best friend. When I felt someone putting me down, I would come to my defense, in my mind, and bring up evidence to prove that they were not speaking truth about me. It can also be used to defend yourself against your negative talking self. I hope that makes sense. Of course it's not so easy and takes practice. I still slip up every now and then, I think it's normal, but I can deal with those negative thoughts and feelings in a realistic way now, as opposed to the destructive way I use to. You are already succeeding and possess the answers you are searching for, within yourself. ❤
15 May 18 by member: Becc@
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Sounds like you have the bull by the horns and leading it where you want it to go for a change.
16 May 18 by member: adamevegod1
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