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14 June 2018

June 14th..... And we're still digging our nails into that wagon as it bounces along the trail. At time almost all on, the a slip, then claw your way back to having a leg over the top edge...huge bump and there you are dangling by your bra strap again grabbing at the buckboard and cussing the fact that life is never as smooth and easy as you would like it to be. Thank goodness, bra straps are sturdy and strong as you hang there looking for a hold to start again. Then you see it, or feel it, as you reach into the unknown just knowing that it's there the hold that you can grip and hoist back up to the topside of that wagon. Just as long as you never just hang there swinging like a sack, you're still winning the battle. One time it will click, you'll know what to grab on to that will finally get you back on top of that wagon. So claw on....never stop fighting!

As this scenario plays out, I know that I feel better. That icky hangover feeling is no more, unless I hit a bump and slip off. My skin is looking better, my hair is soft and seems to be "flowy" again, easier to get to sleep(expect that 1am pee break...argh), energy is coming back (this is good for the rocks and dirt that have to be hauled for flower bed building projects), seem to be standing taller not trying to slouch-n-hide, even feeling a tad...hmmmm....well you know/wink wink, which lead to a very amazing thing: shaved my legs (I know astounding), since going to bed better getting up earlier(yea!), and looking forward not down nor not back....but forward.

Is the scale moving, no not really. Is that upsetting, sure. But over all as I look at how I feel and what I make my body do for me, this is a good body. Maybe not a pretty (yet) body, but it is good and rarely lets me down. Sure it balks at times, but it truly does try to do what I ask. So the goal is to make it easier to help me bring my life for pretty darn good to amazing. I like the sound of amazing......

Let's do this! Let us all strive for AMAZING! Why settle???

25 May 2018

MAY 25TH...yep almost 6 months from when I said I was getting back on that horse that's pulling the wagon I had fallen off. Hmmmmm....think I've been walking the horse and not riding him. What is that saying "You can lead a horse to water, but can't make him drink", which in this case would be you can lead a person to the fact that better choices and persistence would make things better; but you can't stop them from buying the Oreos! Was a crazy start to the year helping my Mom get the her house ready to sell. Many weekends away from home spent doing the Swedish Death Cleaning, packing, donating, trashing, hauling, and get the picture. Even though it was a ton of work I'd truly recommend it to anyone! How freeing to be free of all that stuff and treasures you were saving for others to enjoy after you're gone. We get to enjoy the treasures now, and she gets to start this next fun filled phase lighter!!

Speaking of starting the next phase lighter, here I am again committing to getting this new life style to stick. There is a certain birthday coming up in 1.5 years, and thus it has become my goal date. Want to be at my goal weight of 145, as well as being able to have the active life style I crave. So to this end, I have started going back to the lectures for the program I was on. Also working w/the dietitian and counselor to try and figure out the road blocks. Oh that a mind field! You know that feeling of there is that life you want? It's right there and you can have it, you just have to lean into it and grab it. That's where I am, I want it. I do! Time to buckle down and get there, no fear, no doubt.... it is going to be great!!

Time to get ready and embrace the next phase. But the past behind and charge forward into the new. I am worth it, I am ready for it.

03 January 2018

Well, here we are 2018. Wow, 2018. New year new chance to make good. New year new plan to improve. New year new challenges. New year new perspective and outlook on things. New year....well all new. We have 363 days left to have a Do-Over. All those days to make sure we are the best we can be for that one day. Make that each new day good, even if it's a bad day. Make at least one good choice each day, even if the one good choice is the only one out of 50 horrible choices that day. Make sure to recognize that each day has good in it, you just have to see it. Stop, breathe, gaze, listen, embrace , absorb, engage that one moment in the chaos that is our lives that defines the good of the day. Revel in it, roll in it, coat yourself with it. If you do this, then no matter what bad choices are made, no matter what ick is tossed on you, no matter what you feel you did not accomplish, no matter what is overwhelming you this day will not win. And that one good choice amongst all the bad, this good choice will define you for that day; and give strength to make another good choice the next new day. And the next. And the next...till one day with out even knowing you'll realize that today you made more than one good choice. And be amazed at you're strength.

07 August 2017

I'm still here! Suppose for this to work actually need to track what is eaten...hmmmmm.... And break my addiction to Coffee Nips (argh!!) And drink water, okay more water than has been done. And of course stay off that dang couch...but so nice out on the sun porch.

So last week started doing the Lazy River Walk at the local water park. Three days a week after the part closes they open for an hour and you walk as far as you can in the Lazy River. Once around w/the current and once around against the current. Sad part is that is closes Aug 17th...but still helping my legs get stronger.

So today reloaded My Fitness Pal to my phone to start to log my food. I think logging my food is my least favorite of the things I have to do. The scan app does make it better...but ugh. If I can keep doing this then it's a victory in itself!

So today my Coffee Nip limit is 5. Going to be so hard!!!

So today after work only 30min to unwind then get up and do chores. Keep moving and moving. No getting sucked up into surfing or TV.

And maybe today I'll get in a lot more steps drinking more water! Some may even be a quick jog if I'm out in the back of the yard and all of a sudden have to go!!

Still here!

01 August 2017

If you keep coming back, you've not given up right? I'm trying to get back. I realized that to have the life I want I need to actually get up and go get it. You can be uncomfortable and sore just sit'n or you can be uncomfortable and sore from doing something; the latter seemed like the better option. So here we are again, my image of the life I want and I. It is right there, just have to put in the effort to get it; right? Put in the effort, such a statement of action and purpose. As I feel my body slipping into a stale state of bla, weakness, issues, and not feeling attractive these are the feelings that I need to use as motivation to move forward off the stagnant state I have been in. To move and sweat and ache from a good work out, and want to do it again the next day. I used to be that person, worked out hard 5-6 days a week. And no I was not smaller, just in such amazing shape and getting smaller. Where did she go? Why is she fighting coming back? She was the one on track to the live the vision in my head. This full active life of hiking, canoeing, sailing, working out, going for long walks, not wasting time doing nothing, without constant pain in my feet and legs. This is the person I need to be again....Her. Big beautiful Her, willing to put in the effort it is going to take to step into, no wait take the good life I have now and make it into the amazing life I want(and deserve). She must be starting to fight her way back to the top if I'm writing this, so keep fighting!! Keep pushing at my subconscious to make me want to do the effort. I need you back my Her....fight!!!!!

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