jerrymiller's Journal, 12 April 2017

trying not to fall into old habits (eat or pain killers) bejeezus why do I even bother? this purgatory won't let me move ahead.

Orthopedic surgeon (after pleading with him in yesterdays appointment is now sending me to the Ortho-guru (who ever the hell that is...) at UCDavis medical for him to 'look at me' with his recommendation that it (the surgery) be done..

In Short...more of the same, more, MORE, MORE! DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!

god I wish my folks where still alive, I can't keep doing this alone anymore, I miss their unwavering believe in me, because I don't...

I guess it's a good thing I don't have anyone dependent on me (kids, family, etc) dragging anyone else through this nightmare wouldn't be...Honorable... What with having put my folks through enough when I was gutted like a fish by that DUI (back in '93)they sure didn't need this too on top of those memories...
222.1 lb Lost so far: 22.6 lb.    Still to go: 0 lb.    Diet followed reasonably well.
losing 1.1 lb a week

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Comments 
Sorry that you're going through so much, Jerry, hope things start looking up for you! 
12 Apr 17 by member: @philrmcknight
Good drop!!! 
12 Apr 17 by member: John10251
Wow, man, you sure are hurting. Sending some love your way and some unwaivering belief in YOU! Take care...I hope you can get through this! 
12 Apr 17 by member: iulani
iulani, my push to loose weight over the last two year WAS TO GET MY KNEE FIX, pull back from all the depression, diabetes and emerging health problems being large enough to give president Taft a run for his money (with the added stress of work trying to get rid of me for my grief of loosing both parents at nearly the same time (4 months apart)...this has nearly infuriated me to breaking or broke me into finally giving up  
13 Apr 17 by member: jerrymiller
My husbands knees inhibit him from doing many things and his weight too, has become an issue, we care for his mom, in our home, and my dad at his place. Busy to say the least. Sometime the things life throws at us is too much to handle. I sat on the couch and stared out the window for months after my mom passed away...depression and health issues are real killers...so is stress. Do what you can, ONE positive thing a day towards your goal, and little by little, perhaps you can start to feel like yourself again. Good luck! 
14 Apr 17 by member: iulani
I believe in you! I also am a child of tragedy! But that does not define who you can be...after years of stress, depression and eating, I live for me! Losing weight is hard!! Got my surgery(breast reduction) the 20th....hip this fall and knee this winter. I am 51 and kids raised, addicted husband is deff homeless..so this is my time! Chin up everyday is a new day!  
14 Apr 17 by member: B.Wilcox
As an only kid, I was the only one to care for the folks and fight to get my dad his VA help (24 years of service and all they did was stall and stall until he passed). Now all I seem to be getting is the same bureaucratic stalling, I apologize for the anger and frustrating outburst, but now seeing myself slipping back to what I was before was the last straw...  
14 Apr 17 by member: jerrymiller
Good luck Jerry! I've been around the bend and back with health issues and bureaucratic frustration, though probably not to your extent. Hang on! Little steps, little joys, do what you can, find joy where you can...discover your normal, not the world's. Have you read, "Aging Backwards"? I've borrowed it from the library lately and am finding it interesting. I'm going to go on to her next book after this one. Take care! 
14 Apr 17 by member: smprowett
Hey Jerry... I totally understand your frustration... First clot at 19 yr old and now after 3 blood clots, 2 Heart attacks I finally have the right set of doctors and getting healthier everyday! stick with it till you get the right doctor. it's worth it. Good Luck! 
14 Apr 17 by member: lakjhatch

     
 

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