Sharons Victory's Journal, 16 September 2020

OY Covid has been a real mind f**** for me!!! And boy does the scale show it!!!

No excuses though....Starting my new job soon and finally getting back on track. I really didn't want to come on here and do a honest coming clean check in because I don't feel proud of myself and I don't want any pointers from anyone that make me feel like they think I'm dumb such as "remember total calories eaten matters more than number of meals eaten" stuff like that...Yeah maybe it's my pride....but I am human and have my flaws so maybe pride is one of them...who knows.

All I know is that I've fallen a long way and I've decided to check in in hopes that maybe it'll help someone else that has gained like me during this Covid time....Lord knows I earned every pound. I have been eating myself sick and laying around and just not caring...depression is real!!! In the beginning I was just letting things go "until the gyms open again" and then I got Covid, then Covid pneumonia, and was like "I'll start back again after I'm better" (3 weeks later...), excuse after excuse, delay after delay...all that time eating burritos the size of my arm, chocolate cake the size of a baby's head, MULTIPLE times a day....laying around non stop and just waiting for the "right time". Well it's been over 6 months now that we've been in quarantine here in California and within that time I've managed to gain 37 LBS! (and I'd already gained 15lbs before quarantine) so total of around 52lbs gained of a little over 100lbs lost....and I have a track record of losing weight and gaining it ALL back....So game over...I'm NOT doing that again...I'm back 100%.

With my new promotion I am getting a fresh start and with this fresh start I've decided to start again but this time with a different perspective - to not be so hard on myself and not try to be perfect. This time I just want to love myself no matter what my size and always remind myself that consistency matters more than perfection. That way I can get away from the "all or nothing" mindset that I struggle with that causes me to binge when I do something less than perfect and it triggers me being hard on myself and thinking "you failed so might as well enjoy it for awhile".

Reflecting a lot lately so was looking back at my Dexascan test back in February 2019 and I weighed 181lbs back then and was measured at 36.6 body fat percentage.

So that means when I reached my lowest at 167lbs a little after that I most likely was at a healthy weight range and possibly only 9lbs away from from being in the "fit" range!

WOW.

Shame I only see things as one small step away once I'm no longer close!

Anyway....Calculating I might be able to get back to my lowest in 6 months.

But I'm not going to set a real solid time line to achieve this because that just doesn't work for me and I don't think that creates the mindset of it being a lifelong habit...I simply started with a weight loss calculator website and inputted my estimated calories I'll try to stick with and activity level as moderate, and will try to keep it at that, and trying to step up my activity level (I'm already walking an average of 5 miles a day), and also adding in some body weight exercise a few times a week (haven't done any weight lifting for a very very long time!).

Hope you all are doing well during this time! I am incredibly inspired every time I peak in and see so many of you being consistent and even progressing during this time! Very proud of you guys and, again, inspired :)

219.0 lb Lost so far: 54.0 lb.    Still to go: 29.0 lb.    Diet followed poorly.