HerStrawberri's Journal, 14 June 2011

There is so much info about exercise, what you should do, how you should do it, don't do this or that but make sure you do this....it's all very overwhelming. The same can be said about food and diets. So many people on here do different things and I look at what they are doing and I'm like....wow....I'm really NOt doing good. I know it's a process and it takes time to find what works for you....but it's so confusing. I get emails daily from people telling me to eat this or that or NOT eat something I'm eating and it makes my head spin. I know they are just being helpfull and I really appreciate it, but it still makes my head spin. I eat what I eat because that is what I LIKE to eat. I'm not eating bread or pasta or sugar. ( for the most part) This isn't a 'diet' for me. It's a lifestyle change. It has to be or I will just fall back into my old patterns and where has that gotten me? Afraid to look into the mirror and a weight of over 300. NOT GOOD. So who is right and who is wrong? Am i right? I don't know. Are they right? Not sure about that either. I just know I'm making conscious decisions about everything I put into my mouth. I weigh what needs to be weighed and I put everything in my food diary. Why does it feel like it's not enough? Maybe it's me. Well obviously it's ME. Maybe I just need to stop worrying about all of it... Am I eating enough? Am I doing the right kind of exercises? Am I eating to much? I swear my head is a pool of 'Am I's'. I guess that's better then a pool of 'YOU SUCK BECAUSE's'. ::sigh:: I will figure it out. I have become obsessed with reading what others eat and what they do for exercise because I have convinced myself I MUST be doing something wrong. I'm such a head case. Therapy here I come. It's hard because essentially I'm doing this alone. My partner works ALL the time and I don't have any friends here really. So, I read alllllll the crap they have online. or i read everything on this site. I don't know. I guess I will keep doing what I'm doing. I mean, I have lost 40 lbs and that is a GOOD thing. i still can't really tell....but I'm really tall so I need to lose ALOT before I notice. I feel 'lighter' if that makes any sense. My knees don't hurt as much when I go up and down stairs. That's another plus. I don't crave sugar anymore which is SOOOO great. I really LIKE low carb eating. I know I need to work on my veggies, but it's hard when you don't really like them. Slow process but i will figure it out.

I needed to get all of this OUT of me. This journal thing really works for me. I think when you put your feelings out there you really have to own up to them. When you keep them inside they are easy to ignore and they fester until usually, for me anyway, you have a melt down and that is never good. I had some really 'dark days' not to long ago and that really scared me. I knew i had to make a change. I have real self esteem issues with thinking I'm 'worth it' and thinking I'm of 'value'. And just self esteem overall. I have really thought about this and tried to figure out EXACTLY where these feeling have come from. Obviously from my childhood but I'm not really sure WHY. I can't remember alot of my childhood...well from 3rd-4th grade on i can. Bits and pieces of the rest. I know I'm blocking and maybe that's a good thing. Anyway, self value is something I'm working on. Really BELIEVING I'm worth love and happiness and just GOOD THINGS. How do you make yourself believe that after more then 30 years of NOT? Not sure but i will figure it out. All of this is prob stuff i should be telling my therapist NOT my journal. LOL. But this IS therapy for me I guess.

Ok, well enough for now. Time for exercise.

Diet Calendar Entries for 14 June 2011:
1476 kcal Fat: 89.46g | Prot: 102.90g | Carb: 62.11g.   Breakfast: Egg, Egg White, IMPRL DELIGHT QTRS, JD TURKEY SAUSAGE PATTY. Lunch: Ground Beef (95% Lean / 5% Fat), Mayonnaise, American Cheese. Dinner: 7g Net Carb Tortillas, Mayonnaise, Iceberg Lettuce (Includes Crisphead Types), Small Curd Cottage Cheese, Bacon (Cured, Pan-Fried, Cooked). Snacks/Other: Light Vanilla Creme Nutritional Shake, Part Skim Mozzarella Cheese, Chocolate Cake (with Chocolate Frosting), Vanilla Ice Creams. more...
4028 kcal Activities & Exercise: WII dance workout - 30 minutes, Housework - 30 minutes, Resting - 15 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...


Stop reading what other people are eating lol I don't. Every now and then I will, if I need some ideas, but other than that...I know what I like and I know what I have the budget for ;) Everyone is different and what works for me might not work for someone else and vice versa. I could never go low carb. I've been liking this my protein and carbs being about equal. I like the variety of food I get from it. But I don't have to worry about my sugar either. So the number of carbs I eat, wouldn't be good for you and that's ok. You just worry about YOU!!! Stop comparing yourself. You really will make yourself nuts if ya do. You're a wonderful woman and you DON'T suck! STOP IT!!! [I'm totally using the mom voice right now btw] STOP. This will be hard, this will be a challenge...life's a bitch sometimes b/c if it was easy it'd be a slut. ;) You said it yourself this is a life change and change takes time. I want you to go make a list of all the postive things you've already seen from working on your weight loss. Then write a list of all the positive things to come. You are a valuable person and you can do this and you will do this. *HUGS*  
14 Jun 11 by member: NoChubbyMom
You do what feels right for you! That's what matters, no one is the same. And yes stop comparing, your body is what it is going to do on its own time. When I first got on my gazelle I wanted to pass out after 10 min...now just last night I did an hour like it was no big deal. YOU ARE DOING GREAT...look at how many changes you've made, and if you do not think 40 lbs is a big deal...put 40 pounds of something in a box, and then try to carry that box around for 10 min. I am sure at that point you will know that you have lost. This will take time, somedays you will feel like you are on top of the world and others you want to crawl into a hole. I understand what its like not to see your partner, my boyfriend and I work opposite shifts, with my dragon boating, kids, housework, and me living 30 min away from my job, well somedays I have to remind myself I am in a relationship. Give yourself a hug. You are doing really well! 
14 Jun 11 by member: Jennifer2010
Thank you both so much for the words of encouragement. Putting all of that down was sort of cathartic for me. I got it OUT of my head. i DO feel good about what I have accomplished so far. I just did 25 mins of cardio boxing and it kicked my butt...but I DID IT. I couldn't say that a month ago. or even a few weeks ago. So I KNOW I'm making progress. I have always had an issues with comparing myself to others....prettier, skinnier, better hair..... I just need to STOP. Thank you again for the encouragement. I sound so freaking pathetic. LOL. Funny story ...my cats were watching me while I was doing my cardio boxing and I swear they were like..." mama...what in the HELL are you doing?". they just kept watching me in amazement. Ok, well maybe you had to be there. i thought it was funny. =) 
14 Jun 11 by member: HerStrawberri
Good for you, Have a healthy week.... 
14 Jun 11 by member: thecoach
It all comes back to you. Do your own research and take from it what works for you. It's trial and error. Keep an open mind and try lots of things. You will find what works for you. Just don't stress about it so much. 
14 Jun 11 by member: Suzi161
I agree with the other encouragement above. If you need ideas, due to boredom, a stall in weight loss or not at the speed you'd like then look for ideas. Also if your body isn't shaping up the way you like you might read what others do or ask for suggestions. Otherwise??? You've been so successful doing what you're doing I wouldn't worry so much about others. Everyone is different and what works for one person will not necessarily work for the next. As for exercise especially find something you really enjoy doing. That way you will stick with it without too much extra will power. Just keep moving. And as far as not being able to tell you've lost so much weight. I'm sure others are noticing and a surprise compliment is around the corner to brighten your journey. Best Wishes.  
14 Jun 11 by member: vackerman
Personally, take what everyone else is saying as a grain of salt, if you think you may benefit from it in the future make a mental note, if not let it go and move one. Everyone always has something to say about what to eat, when to eat, how much to eat etc. Do what is best for you, you may stumble and you may have bumps but thats is part of the learning process. Do what works for you, eat what you want to eat (in moderation of course) if you aren't being to strict and you want that chocolate bar have it, record it, move on. If you hit a stall or you are bored find new things to change it up - look at your buddies cook books, go through the millions of recipes on line (this site and others) and do not be afraid to ask questions, there are tons of answers out there if you need them. I have been at this for just over 10 months, my weight loss has been up and down (more up than down unfortunatly) but now I think I have found something that will work as long as I work it.. you didn't gain your weight over night, so take your time make small changes and go with the flow. You have done well thus far so keep it up! 
14 Jun 11 by member: pixidaisy
Sweetheart don't be so hard on yourself...you are doing excellently. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing, every body is different and will lose weight in it's own way. You have YOUR OWN plan and it is working...don't mess with it. When it stops working, then think about what you need to change it. All in due time hun, you are doing fantastic! I look at others journals just for ideas for something different to eat when I am bored with my usual stuff. Yes it is a life change for you, not just a diet as it is for me and lot's of others here. We are here to help each other if you ask for it, journal your feelings as they are there for you to always go back to and reflect when you need to.  
14 Jun 11 by member: HealthyBabs
GOOD for you you on the cardio kickboxing...woot woot!!! And I gotta say that I gotta big smile from the cardio kickboxing and the cats watching you. Jennifer made a great point about carrying around a box that weighs what you've lost. I think about that when I carry my daughter lol she weighs a little bit more than what I've lost. Also like Jennifer...my bf and I live 45mins apart, work different shifts, add 3 kids, a cat and a dog LOL we've been figuring out little ways to connect better. I have you have a fabulous day doll! **CHEERS** 
15 Jun 11 by member: NoChubbyMom
Welcome to "information overload". ;) It IS confusing because different plans yeild results via different mechanisms (ketogenic,cals in/cals out, fasting, etc.) Everyone is passionate about their way of eating because it has worked for them. One thing they all have in common is not reverting back to old eating habits. If you are having success, then stick with it. To me, the exercise quotient is the "ace in the hole" anyway, and half the battle. Just tell the cats to pull up a chair and enjoy the show. lol! ;) 
15 Jun 11 by member: nolechick


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