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I fasted for 21 hours today and hope that will help break my raise in weight the last several days. I was eating (think binging) on cashews for 4 days and then also went back having a glass of wine or maybe even 2. Those cashews are very high in calories and are so addicting for me. I thought I was better yesterday having 1 egg with sauteed cabbage and cheese, but had KFC 3 thighs and lots of coleslaw for dinner, and the weight just keeps rising. Today I only had one meal of leftover 1 thigh, and quite a bit of coleslaw. Of course, their coleslaw is higher in calories than one might think because of the sugar. At least no cashews or wine for 2 days. Yes, yes, I know nuts are good for us, it's just that I go hog-wild with cashews. And since I really have decided to lose 20 lbs I need to stay away from those things that turn to sugar (the wine) in our bodies, at least for a time.
I have been having sciatica (pain in my leg caused by my bad back) for about a month so did not jump on my little rebounder (mini-trampoline) yesterday or today. Most days I managed about 10 minutes (very gently) before I couldn't handle the pain. Just stopping the cashew binging is a victory for me.
Can't decide if I want to mention I think I am getting depressed. I've stayed in my robe all day and watched youtube videos about a sweet couple where he is disabled called squirmy and grubs. I'm depressed over my husband getting angry at me so often and raising his voice. It affects me far more than it should. This couple on youtube are so cheerful, kind, and thoughtful, it's just a pleasure seeing their good nature. She is gorgeous and so very good to him, and his life is extremely difficult. I guess the draw for me is seeing someone in a way worse situation than I am in, and the good humor of both of them living life. I wrote today my biggest problem is my attitude struggling with defensiveness, self-pity, and resentment at being treated with disrespect most every day. I am praying for the Lord to help me with forgiveness and the other things too. There is a multitude of things to be thankful for! We live like kings compared to much of the world. I have a comfortable home, a car in the drive, and money to buy food. And thankfully there is food out there to buy. Thank you Lord.
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 Comments
FINALLY, I'm seeing one of your posts, Snowy! For some reason, I haven't been seeing ANY in my feed, and I don't know how to just find your Journal for myself to be able to go in and check it. I'm sorry that you have such a hard life. You're a beautiful soul, and you deserve to be treated with respect. God will continue to do a work in you to forgive those who have wronged you - forgiving DOESN'T mean you concede to them, it just means you accept that we are all flawed human beings and we need to forgive as Christ forgave us. I wish there was something you could do to impact the situation with your husband, but after you've been married for decades, I'm sure you are both pretty set in your ways. Continue to pray, to ASK for prayer (which I'm giving you right now), and to focus, as you are doing, on the things you CAN be thankful for in your life. As to the binging, back away from the cashews! I have a little pinch bowl that holds almost exactly one ounce (a "serving" size) of nuts. I have ONE serving of peanuts or cashews every day, and usually also have a serving of pecans, either in my cereal or in oatmeal. I LOVE nuts, but I know myself better than to sit down with a jar of them in my lap. Save them for the time you MOST want them during the day, and limit yourself to just one serving -- you'll find that you enjoy them even more when they are a special treat instead of being a binge food. Hang in there, sister. You KNOW you can lose weight, because you've done it before, IF works very well for you, so go with that. Just make sure you DO get in 1,200 calories a day, even if you have a shorter eating window - otherwise your body will go into "starvation mode" and think it is preparing for a famine and hold onto every little ounce of fat it can find. PLEASE keep posting. I miss you on here!
22 Jan 21 by member: Debbie Cousins
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Just read your post Snow. I don't know if it will help, but do remember that your husband's meanness is his problem, not yours. It must be awful feeling so mean all the time, what a dreadful way to live. I'm so sorry he aims it at you. I hope you can find joy in other areas of your life, because you certainly deserve it.
23 Jan 21 by member: shirfleur 1
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I agree with shirfleur. I pray that this will stop for you soon. It is hard enough trying to stay focus on what we need to be doing for ourselves. But when stress get added in there it really becomes a struggle. We are here for you. Hang in there.
23 Jan 21 by member: ladytanker
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For some reason your posts don't show up in my feed. It seems that way for most user names toward the end of the alphabet. How is your daughter and SIL doing? Are they fully recovered from covid? I really know how you feel with the hubby. We found out last week that my hubs has moved into stage 4 kidney failure. The doc brought up home dialysis as a option if that time comes. Everything I do seems to irritate him lately. But I truly believe that he's upset and frustrated with the situation and one way of releasing that is to direct it at me. I know he doesn't really want me to feel bad but I know he doesn't feel well and its easy for him to lose his patience. It's something I do my best to bear. I try not to take it personally. Sometimes I lose my patience too and snap back. Its so hard to remain positive when things are stressful but I'm going to trust in the Lord and remain optimistic. And also practice giving and receiving forgiveness!!! Sounds like you're doing well with your weight goals. It's a good feeling to make good changes!!!
09 Feb 21 by member: bearnoggin
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