Eringiffin's Journal, 05 August 2019

I am feeling somewhat melancholy about weight loss and wellness in general. I look back at all the times I lost a bunch of weight and how happy I was and how I thought, "this is it!" I'm finally on track. And then next thing you know, I go from maintaining to gaining and I'm back where I started. To be fair, I've always been very impatient and my go-to is extreme diets that cannot be maintained forever. I always used to say, "that's fine, I just need to get down to x weight and _then_ I can find a WOE that is sustainable." That clearly is not working out for me. So... we try the slow and sustainable route from the outset this time. But I still need to manage the part of my brain that wants what it wants RIGHT NOW!, whether that be a slice of warm, freshly-made bread, or to get into the next size down by the weekend.

So, when I see people rejoicing over hitting a milestone, I want to be happy for them, but, the hardened resigned side of me is always whispering, "how long will it last?"

Looks like I still have some work to do in the area of gratefulness, of being present, of accepting things as they are and loving myself at every size. I am my own worst critic. Today I am shaking off this cynicism and standing in a new way of thinking. I am beautiful, brilliant, kind and UNSTOPPABLE!

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Comments 
I know exactly where you are coming from, I’ve been in the same boat with losing and gaining. And this time it’s become more serious as I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 30. And now I’m like my eating habits are going to kill me. I can’t fab diet because it won’t be good for my body or insulin levels. I have to make healthy long lasting changes. We are a generation that wants everything instantaneously with minimal effort. But the truth is, anything gained that way isn’t worth keeping. The best way to have patience, make goals and focus on today! Not on the scale. If we change our habits and stick to them 1 day at a time, by this time next year we will be totally different. We can do this! 
05 Aug 19 by member: Shar0789
I could have written this. Been there over and over and would LOVE to have that unbiased hesitation. We're here. Trying again. We'll find our permanence and Bliss. We only fail when we give up and stop trying. 
06 Aug 19 by member: FullaBella
"I just need to get down to x weight and _then_ I can find a WOE that is sustainable." That was me EXACTLY in the fall of 2017 when I started losing and lost 50+ pounds in about 7 months. The plan after reaching my goal was to switch to a portion control type diet - eat what I want but in small amounts. Didn't work, I found I could NOT have just 2 Girl Scout cookies or have ice cream in the freezer and have just a spoonful or two once in awhile. So now I am trying again and hope I get it right this time. I know for sure I won't give in to those Girl Scouts in front of the market again!  
06 Aug 19 by member: Fritzy 22
That is a beautiful post :) 
06 Aug 19 by member: adefwebserver
I have been there too. Hugs Finding that WOE that speaks to you on a cellular level is hard. I got that click w OMAD, but I know it is not for everyone. Good luck & thinking of you! 
06 Aug 19 by member: jessabridge4444
I feel your anxiety. If this was an easy journey everyone would do it. I find the people here at FS are special, we acknowledge the issues and tackle them together. I hope you notice no religious banter(except for some God Bless Yous' floating about) and no politics. We are here for ourselves and others in our predicaments. We here are fat, skinny and well maintained. We all need to speak our mind and share our journeys, it's ho we all learn. I've become a much healthier person. I've lost weight and gained so many new acquaintances and I dare say a few friends. I once got on line at 3 am with chocolate cake in front of me and online at FS with a woman in Australia. She talked me out of the cake...thanks🙋 So hang in there, we are all here for you and remember each time you share you're helping the next person.  
06 Aug 19 by member: Alnona
I totally get this... Glad you’re here to get and give support. 👍🏻😊 
06 Aug 19 by member: laraae
Thank you so much, everyone! It is so comforting to know that I am not alone. You people are the best! 
06 Aug 19 by member: Eringiffin
The cynical side of me asks, "How long will it last?" I am not focusing on losing weight. I am focusing on managing my diabetes better and having an easy table for tracking consumption. I will lose weight in the process of better managing my illness; but that is not the main objective.  
06 Aug 19 by member: MadameSting
I’ve lost and regained more than 80 lbs four times in the last 30 or so years. I also did extreme diet did WW. Etc. I have that black or white mentality and I am well on my to losing it again. I hope the thing I remember this time is that there is no end goal. This is life long. The biggest asset I have now is a wife who encourages me who is also being vigilant in her health and who I want to live a long happy sexy life with. 
06 Aug 19 by member: Srfogel
This is a lifelong diet, so if I diet lifelong it will last lifelong. 
06 Aug 19 by member: rosio19
If weight loss was the main objective, I'd stuff my face with cake every night before bed and sneak bad food in my car. However, I am trying to avoid early onset renal failure, or a heart attack because my BGL was over 400, or a horrifying amputation. This is the reality of individuals living with Type 2 diabetes. You have to control your illness or your illness is going to control you. I don't know about you; but I'm a control freak. I'm not relinquishing my input without a struggle.  
06 Aug 19 by member: MadameSting
I’m on my very first diet ever, and I have not gained weight back cause I have not stopped dieting. 
06 Aug 19 by member: rosio19
Have you ever heard about Elisa Oras and her book Brainwashed? For me it is so terribly difficult to maintain weight that I am thinking about trying recovery.... It is normal to want to eat, and we deprive ourselves of food and suffer and feel guilty and weak...I count calories and think about food every moment because I am hungry! I do not eat when my husband and sons eat because I don't have calories! That sounds crazy! What books do you read? Could you please write any titles? 
15 Aug 19 by member: Про100Алла
The book I just read is The Obesity Code, by Jason Fung. I'm also taking away some good ideas from the documentary Forks Over Knives. I will read Brainwashed by Elisa Oras as you suggest. 
15 Aug 19 by member: Eringiffin

     
 

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