peeperjj's Journal, 26 June 2019

My main dieting goal has always been to get where I can once again eat whatever I want. I’m pretty much doing that 75% of the time now. Some days I have issues with wanting more than I need. Some days I have issues eating enough. I’m pretty sure it balances out fairly well.

Then there are days like today. I ate half my meal and that ran about 1k. I ate a candy bar for breakfast to make up for the big deficit yesterday (I’m in maintenance and trying to gain muscle). For dinner I decided to have a lower calorie dinner rather than the other 1k left from lunch. My goal being that I could have a bigger snack. Well guess what... 2 1/2 bowls of homemade chicken and noodle soup and I still wasn’t full. 10 crackers didn’t help. Sucking on jaw breakers didn’t help. Not super hungry but it’s that ‘just hungry enough’ to have me obsessing. I even find my mind wondering to snacks while reading my book.

If I was ‘at my goal’ then I’d be eating whatever I wanted right now. Yet I feel guilty for wanting more. 🤷‍♀️ I’m hoping I get really tired soon. Before I give in and snack lol. Won’t hurt me if I do snack, but I’m testing my willpower lol. I’ve done well for 2 hours lol.

Adding to that, I called one dr today and told the nurse about my vision issues, rashes/bumps and now unexplained bruises. The nurse will call me as soon as the dr gets there in the morning. Seems I need to come in ASAP. She also told me to stop taking my evening medication immediately. Kinda what I figured after asking Dr. Google. A friend freaked out over possible internal bleeding so I made the call. Now after hearing the nurses worried voice I’m kicking myself for not mentioning the vision changes when they started 4 months ago, the rash/bumps 2-3 months ago and the bruises that started a couple weeks ago. 🤦‍♀️ Normally I report everything and they think I’m overreacting lol. When I don’t report things they get worried and inturn make me worried. Now the achy shoulder and back have me questioning if it was the gym or meds and same for my tender abdominal area. Guess I’ll know tomorrow lol. Would be super nice to drown my worries in a few king sized candy bars or a six pack right about now.

Off to chomp yet another jawbreaker lol. I’d love some Advil too but again, I’m now worrying about nonexistent internal bleeding thanks to my friend 😖. An overnight massage parlor would be awesome right about now lol.

Diet Calendar Entries for 26 June 2019:
1980 kcal Fat: 87.75g | Prot: 105.00g | Carb: 183.75g.   Lunch: McDonald's Fruit 'n Yogurt Parfait (without Granola), Minute Maid Peach Juice, McDonald's Quarter Pounder with Cheese, McDonald's Chicken McNuggets (10 Pieces). Dinner: Sara Lee Delightful Healthy Multi-Grain Bread, Pringles Original Potato Crisps, Johnsonville Beddar with Cheddar Smoked Sausage & Cheddar Cheese. Snacks/Other: Ferrara Pan Jaw Busters, Fit Crunch Cinnamon Twist Baked Gluten Free, Now Sports Whey Protein Isolate, MuscleTech Amino Build. more...
1821 kcal Activities & Exercise: Apple Health - 24 hours. more...

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Comments 
Hope you got some rest. 
26 Jun 19 by member: LZenn
I'm concerned about you, please let us know what you find out when you see your doctor. I'll be holding you in my heart today. When my stomach is a bottomless pit, I make cabbage soup. It has some bulk to it, so it is filling, it's very easy to make and you can eat as much as you like since it is so low calorie. There are several recipes on this site. Hope that helps for next time.  
26 Jun 19 by member: shirfleur 1
Ohhhhh peeper! Update us soon!! Praying for you. ❤️🙏❤️🙏 
26 Jun 19 by member: wifey9707
Please, let us know what the doc says...🙏🙏 {{hugs}} 
26 Jun 19 by member: dboza
I hope they can figure out what’s going on and it isn’t too serious! I know Dr. Google can freak me out quick! Hugs! Let us know how it goes. 
26 Jun 19 by member: mrsroboto
It seems we humans have trouble with eating whatever we want and if we do that what we want to do is to eat too much so I think that we need to mindful. Maybe I am wrong. Good luck with your food travels and explorations!!! 
26 Jun 19 by member: liv001
Late night massage - perfect! I always want to go home and go to bed right after as it is. 
26 Jun 19 by member: FullaBella
Be careful & try to stay healthy. 
26 Jun 19 by member: Alnona
oh noo, that sounds bad, I really hope everything is ok with your eyes.🙏 I am like that to, I feel bad when I am going to the doctor they find me anything. I don't like to make they lose their time 🤔🤦‍♀️ 
26 Jun 19 by member: Keilin_4
Oh, Bella, I had no idea! I am so sorry you’re going through all this! Please let us know what’s going on as soon as you can. Here’s a hug to you both, and I hope you don’t mind that I’ll add you to my daily prayers. 🥺💖 
26 Jun 19 by member: laraae
Well it turns out it’s not that bad. He doesn’t think internal bleeding at all. He said the rash points to an allergic reaction. I’ve had what I thought was eczema off and on for the last few months yet it stayed skin tone rather than red. It’s gradually gotten worse. Doc said it’s an allergic reaction that has come on gradually as it built up in my system! The bruising should fade but I can expect some more until the meds are completely out of my system. I’m to call in a week and let them know my mental status as going off them immediately could trigger suicidal thoughts. (Nice to know than an epilepsy med, that just happens to work on depression, can make someone suicidal) The rashes should clear up soon. He has no idea on the eye sight. If it doesn’t get better then I think we can rule out that medicine. Then I’ll go straight to my oncologist. If it clears up over the next few weeks then it was the medication and all’s well. He said I should’ve reported being tired and sleep changes too. Yet it’s planting now and was harvest. Add to all that how I was running kids places 1-4 times a day and it would make anyone tired lol. 
26 Jun 19 by member: peeperjj
I’ll start a new med tonight if the pharmacy was able to fill it today. I think I’ll keep a daily diary of physical changes and my emotions. I can then show him next month as he wants to see how I do on the new meds and if I’m still having the rashes and bruising. He also wants labs done. He had originally told me yearly but wants to check my lipids for some reason. Thank you all so much for your concern! Just another medication to add to my allergy list. It could’ve been much worse and he was glad I didn’t wait until next week since the bruising had gotten much worse this last week. Thanks again!  
26 Jun 19 by member: peeperjj
@liv normally I can tell myself no and be fine. I have an obsessive personality and when I’m irritated or worried it’s worse. I ended up obsessing about the food so I just had some of what I wanted. Today is another day. My end goal is to eat whatever I want within reason so I guess it’s time to understand these days will be normal and I’ll have to make better choices the next day to make up for it. We eat out like that maybe every 3-6 months so I won’t be faced with it often. The snacking yes, but the snacking after several days of eating out no. Thanks for the reminder to be mindful.  
26 Jun 19 by member: peeperjj
Glad you are ok. Relief to read this!!💕💕💕💕 
26 Jun 19 by member: wifey9707
Happy to hear it wasn't what you thought ~ scary stuff.  
26 Jun 19 by member: babayjo
Thanks :). Oddly enough, the rash on my right palm has already started to lighten and smaller bumps. I’ve only skipped two doses now so two days. That is the one that my workout gloves irritate (use gloves so if it breaks open then it’s in my gloves and not on the machines/weights). Normally it would be red, itchy and irritated but it’s not. 😁 
26 Jun 19 by member: peeperjj
Wow... quite a posting... thinking of you as I read it and hoping for the best for you. Your struggle about indulging in some sweet carb loaded things when stress hits is so familiar. Hang in there, girl..... 
26 Jun 19 by member: justdoit!
Wow... quite a posting... thinking of you as I read it and hoping for the best for you. Your struggle about indulging in some sweet carb loaded things when stress hits is so familiar. Hang in there, girl..... 
26 Jun 19 by member: justdoit!
Just read the new medication info 😳. Generic Abilify. I’m gonna google before I take it. Kinda scary. Also wanna ask the dr if he thinks I’m psychotic as it’s an antipsychotic med lol. But hey, constipation is own main symptom. I’m lactose intolerant so... I’ve cream may be on the menu more often hehe. Gotta look at the positives! I won’t be able to swallow correctly, will have lung infections, won’t be able to poop, won’t be able to regulate my body temp in the heat and working out, will be tired, dizzy, nauseous, weak and dehydrated with worsening headaches, anxiety and blurred vision... but it’ll make me drink more water, I’ll lose some water weight and I can eat ice cream lol. That’s not even the full list of side effects. Oh and it makes a body gain weight... it better be lean weight! 🤪 
26 Jun 19 by member: peeperjj

     
 

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