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Good afternoon, fatsecreteers! Thank you for the loads of support, thoughts and prayers. You guys are the best support system a girl could ask for and I appreciate each and every one of you. I often go back through comments when I need a little pick me up, none are overlooked.
Excited to say the depression spell has broke, but I'm left with this residual anxiety. Nervous about starting classes tonight. I know all of my fears are unfounded and irrational, so I'm going to face them head on. I have worked my ass off for the things I want. A great example of that has been my weight loss. My anxiety was insane when I first started going to the gym. I have IBS, and I would literally spend my first 15 minutes at the gym in the restroom. I toughed it out though, because my desire for fitness was stronger than my anxiety. Likewise, I have always wanted to be a nurse. My anxiety tells me that I will be no good, that I should quit before I start, but I'm plowing through it head first.
Soooo, rather than wallow in self pity the last two days, waiting for classes to start I decided to get my butt moving and log some miles. I was at work for 11 hours yesterday, but when I found a little free time I made up a quick full body workout, completed it and gave myself 1.5 miles for it. This is the workout I did:
20 Burpees
20 knee highs
40 crunches
40 leg lifts
20 butt kicks
30 jumping jacks
2min wall sit
I did the circuit twice, and I was feeling it this morning. When my anxiety hit a high point at home today I put in my Bob harper kettlebell DVD and let bob kick my ass. I'm giving myself 2 miles for that one!! Sore already, can't wait to see how tomorrow feels. Total miles are now 10.75 for July. I don't know if I will be able to get any more physical activity in today or not, we will see. I hope to get to the gym tomorrow morning for a power hour and get my miles in that way.
I don't want to grow old knowing that I let my anxiety control all of my choices in life. I don't want to wonder what I could have been, but didn't have the courage to try to be. I'm not proud to admit that I dropped out of high school because of my anxiety and being bullied, as well as having quit jobs because of it. I have to get past this. I wanted to be fit, and I am more than half way to goal. Something I never thought possible. I want to be a nurse and have a successful career, it is fully within my grasp. Anxiety disorders are fairly common, I know I'm not the only person who is dealing with these demons. One day at a time I'm going to get past this. Being aware of it is half the battle, right? I hope so :)
I also hope that all of my buddies are well. Have a wonderful day!! :)
Diet Calendar Entry for 08 July 2014:
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1367 kcal
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Fat: 51.20g | Prot: 122.30g | Carb: 110.50g.
Breakfast: Coffee-Mate Original Powder Creamer, EAS Lean 15 Protein Powder - Chocolate Fudge, Beatrice Skim Milk. Lunch: Great Value Colby & Monterey Jack Cheese Slice, Lakeland Hamburger Bun, Butterball Golden Oven Roasted Turkey Breast. Dinner: Chicken Leg (Skin Not Eaten), Johnsonville Bratwurst Patty (115g). Snacks/Other: Great Value Fat Free Plain Nonfat Yogurt, Jell-O Sugar Free Fat Free Instant Chocolate Fudge Pudding Mix. more...
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 Comments
Grab those demons by their horns and toss them out like they were a kettle bell!!! You are so right that we all have our demons to deal with, and I also refuse to let them rule my life anymore! I have missed so many opportunities because of them, and others telling me I couldn't. You keep up doing what you are doing, and you will make a fantastic nurse!!! Have a great day too!! (hugs)
08 Jul 14 by member: pumakitten
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08 Jul 14 by member: kristyanne3
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You don't know if you'll be able to get more physical actovity in today? Don't think, just do it. It is so peaceful and relaxing sit out in a beautiful garden, but the second you start thinking about how you are just sitting there, stress, anxiety, and or even boredom start rearing up. Why not just enjoy the garden? Quit over thinking things. You were at work 11hours and were headstrong enough to still get a damn good workout. Don't think about if you will get a work out today or not, just decide: a break or another serving? You've done so well! Keep up the determination and perseverance. Get in there and make solid unwavering decisions. Don't waste time in can I, should I, will I's. You got this!
08 Jul 14 by member: galietta
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You will be the best nurse because you know the anxiety that people can have. I believe in you completely. IBS drains a person physically and emotionally. I do much better when I eat clean but still have episodes when anxiety creeps in. You've got this! So glad you feel better after FS!
08 Jul 14 by member: Kris AZ
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While I hope I'm never IN a hospital.. if I ever am.. I want you for my nurse. How's THAT for a shot of confidence?
08 Jul 14 by member: FullaBella
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Will expect a full report on your first day at school. :~)
08 Jul 14 by member: ClassicRocker
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After all of this and everything you have done so far School should be a breeze you are a strong confident woman, now get to class.
08 Jul 14 by member: Rockiesfan
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08 Jul 14 by member: deaby16
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Keep going! You got this!
08 Jul 14 by member: Deb_N
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good planning, exercise really does help break depression.
08 Jul 14 by member: karenromiaih2002
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Wow! You did a great job in the exercise department. But more importantly, you pulled yourself together. Way to go!!! Hope tonight's classes lifts your spirit also.
08 Jul 14 by member: toppy24564
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I've have IBS too. With eating better it's better. I think some of that is less glutton. Now if we could get rid of all the stress. I try thinking "puppies and rainbows" when things get hard. It helps.
08 Jul 14 by member: dclaytor
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Good idea with the exercise routine and using it to get last the low period. Those endorphins really kick in after a good workout. Have you ever thought of taking a group class at your gym. Sometimes that helps me as well. Although I'm facing my fears by joining a class where I don't know anyone or the routine, I'm soon enjoying the fact that I can keep up and that most people are really friendly. Hope you had a great day in class. I know you'll make a great nurse, Yo. You have such a way with people and have such a nurturing personality. 😊
09 Jul 14 by member: Kiki8123
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I am an RN and found that the best way to make it through school was to be organized! Get a calendar and write all the due dates down, and plan when you are going to work on what, when you will be at work, when you will exercise (do not give that up as it is in itself a great stress buster), when you are going to sleep ect. This way you will know what to do when and for how long. don't forget to schedule yourself some breaks as well. Good Luck--the best nurses are the ones who care and it sounds like you do!
09 Jul 14 by member: lmgeis
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I think one of the scariest things to face is the idea that a deeply held dream is unattainable regardless of effort spent to reach it. I can definitely relate to issues with anxiety. No matter what, G-d is in control and He is good. You can rest in what He has in store for you. Strive to be a nurse. Do your best. It may be that G-d will grant that to you and thrill you with His provision that clearly exceeds what you think and know yourself to be capable of achieving on your own. If it doesn't work out, G-d may show you along the way that He has something else planned for you that is more fulfilling and better suited to you. It is easy to say and hard to do, but fretting about what MAY come will NOT help you achieve what you can and should BECOME. May you have peace in the journey, no matter the circumstances, and may you find comfort and rest under the wing of the Most High. Good luck, Nurse! :)
09 Jul 14 by member: MrsTofu
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