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After school supply shopping and visiting with my son, I just sat on the couch and did nothing. Turned out I really need to do laundry. Why do I make things so difficult on myself?
Went to the doctor's today. Again, if I just lost some more weight, she would be happier. I bet if I did go down to 250 (the goal we set today), she still wouldn't be happy. Well why would she be? I would still be quite overweight. I know she is a doctor and is concerned for my health, I just tired of playing the game.
Tonight I am going to go to dinner with a friend from far away, whom I haven't seen in about 8 or 9 years. Of course, I have put on alot of weight and it makes me nervous to see her again. The most nerve racking part of it though is that my house is in such a state of despair that I will not be bringing her by there. I am worried that the subject will come up and that she will want to see it before she goes. She has to be back on a ferry by 9:00 so if I stall long enough, then.... Probably won't come up anyways, I'll just worry about it (and then of course eat) for the rest of the day.
I am going crazy with food and spending the last couple of days. I did manage to pack a breakfast yesterday, however that was the last of good eating. I have been eating lots and lots of 'bad carbs'. I am hoping that by journalling about it, instead of hiding it, I will get back on track somehow.
Have great day everyone.
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 Comments
you have to make up your mind to do this...it has to become your way of life...good luck
03 Sep 08 by member: veggies yuk
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That's right!! Tomorrow is another day. Try ordering a soup or salad when you go out tonight and eating that before your meal. You will feel decadetn but will likely eat less of your main dish. You can also quite literally order a to go box when you orde ryour food and set aside half before you even start eating :) Just some tips that I have found useful :D
03 Sep 08 by member: Simavision
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Maybe what you need to do is to decide that you are going to take control of one meal. That's your goal...one meal, done the proper SBD way. I would recommend that meal be breakfast--I NEVER ate breakfast before SB, and four months later, I can't get started without a proper morning meal. Breakfast sets me up to have a good day because I'm not as ravenous by lunch as I used to be (and I've heard that a thousand times and always thought, "yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda")--get some good protein in, some water and V8 juice (which used to make me gag, but now I love the Hot&Spicy kind). Stop focusing on all the ways in which you are "failing" and give yourself an avenue of success. And like veggies said, you've got to make up your mind to do this. You just may, quite frankly, not be in the place in your life where you are really ready to commit, and that's okay. You just need to be honest with yourself about it so that you can stop beating yourself up. I couldn't have had any success if I hadn't been in the place in my life where I was READY to make the changes required, both physically and mentally. I'm sending good thoughts out to you, and hope you have a good time tonight, despite your worries.
03 Sep 08 by member: Simille
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Oh--and don't worry about making your doctor happy. That's not your job, your job is to make YOU happy, whatever that takes to get there. Sometimes hanging on to the responsibility for other people's feelings can make it harder to take responsibility for your own, and can make you forget to take care of YOU!
03 Sep 08 by member: Simille
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I agree that even if you reached 250 your doctor would want to see more, but she will be happy that you are again moving in the right direction. I checked out your weight history and you have come a long way already - keep it up!!!
03 Sep 08 by member: MamaiLiz
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I like simille's idea to start with one meal. Once you feel you have control of that move on. You can do the same thing with your house (that's what I do). Just pick a job, like the dishes and make sure you get them done everyday and then add one more job that you do everyday. We are here for you and we all know how hard it is. Don't judge yourself so harshly.
03 Sep 08 by member: juanab
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It is so hard to see friends who haven't followed you through the gain. It is always so difficult, because they see the changes all at once that took place over so much time. I know how frightening that must be. Try and take things one step at a time, and treat yourself well. You can do it!
06 Sep 08 by member: fraise
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