My name is sarah im 20 years old 6'1 and for as long as i can remember I've always felt too fat. I know im a big girl and im really okay with that, but the constant urge to be thin like all my beautiful friends has ebbed at my mind since i was in kinder garden. Being six years old and looking down at ur thighs and thinking they're too big is kind of messed up. Fastforward to when i was fourteen and hurray! Id finally done it, i could finally stand next to my friends and not feel shame and envy. Finally i had something to be envious of. I was 5'10 and i got myself down to 110lbs. In retrospect i probably looked more like a holicost survivor then a dancer. This all became possible because he captin of my dance team, of which i had been a member for 10 years, decided to take pitty on me and told me the secret " you don't have to eat so much you know" she said "i can go for days on juices and water, and if u do slip up, you can always take it back" how? " you just stick ur finger down ur throat till all the food's gone." And there it was my fool proof diet that rocketed my to the life id always
wanted. Needless to say it didn't last long, just until my best friend found out and threatened to tell my mom but settled for letting me quit the dance team quietly. So here i am almost seven years latter still not loving my body. There's something fundamentally wrong with finding disgust in you own skin. Its like my mind just refuses to accept less then perfection whichis taking its toll on my natural outgoing nature. I don't wanna lose my self because im too afraid that someone will see what i really look like. So this is me trying to become comfortable w looking at my self.