Girl_Illa's Journal

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01 May 2008

Yesterday was a mixed bag. The day started great, with steel cut oatmeal and a few raisins plus coffee and water. Did a quick clean of the house, then went off on a shopping date with J's cousin, who is a wonderful friend. Got some great deals, plus had a healthy lunch at Big Boy's--grilled tilapia with mixed steamed veggies and sliced tomatoes with an iced tea. Nursed water most of the day out. Got back home, changed clothes, and took my m-i-l to the funeral home to pay our respects. Her closest friend's husband passed away. I never expected to get blind-sighted with emotion. They had been married 62 years! Great people, wonderful family. And the widow has a good support system, so she will be okay. But when I got home, I felt emotionally drained. I grilled a steak, fixed a fabulously healthy salad, and ate it with half the steak. Then I had to take m-i-l out on an errand and deliver her back home. That is when the emotions kicked in. I ended up eating the other half of the steak, some sf jello with light whipped cream...THEN 2 Dove miniature ice creams, THEN a 100 calorie pack of Pecan Sandies, THEN about 2 dozen pistachio nuts! Now I will admit that in the "old days" I would have just been getting started, but I felt like crap. I wrapped everything up and went to bed. I actually slept reasonably well, but I was waiting for myself when I got up this morning...as I walked the dog, I was giving myself the famous old lecture--"What in the world is wrong with you?? Have you learned nothing?? Why do you DO this to yourself??" I'm feeling a little better now. I had a homemade fruit smoothie, and I've assured myself I'm back on track. You wouldn't think that I would personalize the death of an 84 year old man who had lived a good life. I think I have a fear of widowhood. My mother became a widow at 39. My sis lost her hubby 18 months ago. I just seem to be freaking out about the fear of losing J, even though he's in good health. BUT the main thing is---I have GOT to find a better way of dealing with my emotions. I should know that I cannot eat them away successfully anymore, and it only serves to punish my body for my thoughts. It is not effective! <br><b> What do you do to deal with scary emotions? </b></br>

(7 comments)

29 April 2008

My sinuses have been horrible for over 24 hours now. They feel like someone took a scouring pad to them...raw!!! I have been having bloody noses, even in the night. Not conducive to exercise, but I kept on the good eating--steel cut oatmeal with a few raisins for breakfast, red cabbage sauteed with onions and diced eggplant and a grilled chicken breast for lunch, and an organic lettuce salad with albacore tuna, mango, radish, grape tomatoes, orange bell pepper, a little feta cheese and light italian dressing for dinner. Celery sticks with hummus for snack. I'm being soooo good!!! LOL I wanna look like Imluuvd!! That girl is my motivation! So here's to happy sinuses tomorrow!

(5 comments)

28 April 2008

Didn't manage to lose the entire 2.8 lbs that mysteriously crept back onto me, but most of it. Never mind. I'm feeling good. I had a busy weekend, so didn't get on here as much as usual. Ate very reasonably. On weekend, we try to have a meal with J's mom, and although she likes her veggies, she's a little lady and likes food her way. So, we had a thin crust Italian sausage pizza with our really great salad. Used to be we'd make 2 pizzas, and J & I would split one. This time we made one pizza, and I had 2 slices. Wish I could have stopped at one, but it was not heavily topped, or slathered in cheese. I felt good about it. Anyway, I am back to schedule this morning, which makes me feel a little more in control.

Also. I have begun to get rather frustrated with the food diary and recipe submission program here. You get stuck with measurements that don't jive, or it refuses an ingredient because it's not in the system when you know that it is. GRRR. I don't like when things don't work well. So for this week, I am writing my food journal at the daily plate. I'm hoping it's more user friendly than this one.

Weigh-in: 206.0 lb

lost so far: 2.0 lb

still to go: 71.0 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

(7 comments) losing 1.8 lb a week

25 April 2008

I have windows open this morning as I do my deskwork! It started yesterday afternoon, when I decided to do some conditioning exercise, and it was so warm I had to open a window! Last week, we were still using heat--I'm NOT turning on the A/C yet!!! Even though my allergies hate all the pollen in the orchard, I love walking the dog among all the blossoming fruit trees--apples, peaches and pears. The redbud trees, lilac bushes, etc all full of color. I LOVE spring!

J has started new work hours, where he works 11AM to 4PM, then 8PM to 11PM. Then he is off on Fridays. He works 3 hours from our home, and we have an apt there. But I struggle between being with him every day, and taking care of our home and his mom who lives next door. I tend to try to do both, and it keeps me off balance and off any real schedule. But m-i-l is beginning to lose ground, and her heart is getting weaker, which makes me feel like she needs me here more. SO--J drove home after 11PM last night, arriving at 1AM. This is going to be our weekends for awhile. I just get a little nervous that he will either fall asleep at the wheel or encounter a drunk driver. Oh, for the simple life!!!! But this is where I fight emotional/mindless eating. I am really working on finding something better to do!!

(4 comments)

24 April 2008

Since I went back to grains (Kashi for now) for breakfast, things are moving according to schedule, thankfully. I'm down 0.8 lb, but not putting it on the history till a week is up. I'm hoping to be at least back to my lowest, if not a pound or so less. (Crossing fingers) Busy with yard cleanup, and so not worrying about inside exercise at the moment. I go to bed exhausted! But it's wonderful to finally be having some sunny and warm weather. This winter seemed endless to me. Still feeling good, still feeling strong, still in "the zone"!!!

(5 comments)

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