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Yesterday was a mixed bag. The day started great, with steel cut oatmeal and a few raisins plus coffee and water. Did a quick clean of the house, then went off on a shopping date with J's cousin, who is a wonderful friend. Got some great deals, plus had a healthy lunch at Big Boy's--grilled tilapia with mixed steamed veggies and sliced tomatoes with an iced tea. Nursed water most of the day out. Got back home, changed clothes, and took my m-i-l to the funeral home to pay our respects. Her closest friend's husband passed away. I never expected to get blind-sighted with emotion. They had been married 62 years! Great people, wonderful family. And the widow has a good support system, so she will be okay. But when I got home, I felt emotionally drained. I grilled a steak, fixed a fabulously healthy salad, and ate it with half the steak. Then I had to take m-i-l out on an errand and deliver her back home. That is when the emotions kicked in. I ended up eating the other half of the steak, some sf jello with light whipped cream...THEN 2 Dove miniature ice creams, THEN a 100 calorie pack of Pecan Sandies, THEN about 2 dozen pistachio nuts! Now I will admit that in the "old days" I would have just been getting started, but I felt like crap. I wrapped everything up and went to bed. I actually slept reasonably well, but I was waiting for myself when I got up this morning...as I walked the dog, I was giving myself the famous old lecture--"What in the world is wrong with you?? Have you learned nothing?? Why do you DO this to yourself??" I'm feeling a little better now. I had a homemade fruit smoothie, and I've assured myself I'm back on track. You wouldn't think that I would personalize the death of an 84 year old man who had lived a good life. I think I have a fear of widowhood. My mother became a widow at 39. My sis lost her hubby 18 months ago. I just seem to be freaking out about the fear of losing J, even though he's in good health. BUT the main thing is---I have GOT to find a better way of dealing with my emotions. I should know that I cannot eat them away successfully anymore, and it only serves to punish my body for my thoughts. It is not effective! <br><b> What do you do to deal with scary emotions? </b></br>
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 Comments
i can relate...when clint goes on a fire/emt run...i have those thoughts...to avoid them i play with the dogs or read...i can lose myself in a book to the point of losing time...i have to totally remove the thoughts from my mind...
01 May 08 by member: veggies yuk
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I have driven off onto this beaten path, as well. I used to deal with emotions in a very good way... I used to get and go deep clean something, and work myself into a sweat doing so, really working off frustrations. When I was in school as a girl, I played my flute for 20 mins straight or longer. Now, I find that I want to cook. I used to get mad at myself for cleaning, as it was usually over a hubby fight and I was mad that he got to reap the reward of the newest cleaning and gave that up really quick! lol Hmmm... therapy?? Naw.... I'll do it my terms as yes, I am just that stubborn! =D ;) Counting blessing in times of grief is one of my best tools of defense. I recollect of the good times, I love on my kids, and think of how much worse things could be and reassure myself of the blessings bestowed upon me. Remembering how much worse off nearly the rest of the world is over us Americans, grounds me. Surround yourself with love and loved ones. Remembering that God has a plan and not always knowing the rhyme or reasons, is part of it. A deep cleansing breath, hot bubble bath, mini facial and a cup of tea can do wonders. I'm thinkin' of ya today. *cyber hugs* xoxo
01 May 08 by member: bullytrouble
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That emotional stress is so hard on us. The good thing is that you nipped it in the bud after a little binge. I agree with BT's suggestions. Sorry you had such a sad day. Hope you're feeling better soon.
01 May 08 by member: mbhpro
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Just being aware of the fears and where they stem from, and knowing that food is a way that you have coped in the past, and then recognizing it in the moment, and halting the pattern is a huge step. You are making the habit conscious and analyzing the reasons for it and making a plan to cope in a different way in the future. Talking to a friend? Going for a walk? I organize the heck out of my surroundings so I feel in control. That's how I ended up on this eating plan - needing something in my life I could control while my personal life and professional life were taking chaotic unexpected turns.
01 May 08 by member: massiverally
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Emotions can run very high when something happens to remind us of the fragility of life. I am very proud of you last night for stopping now where in the past you would have just been starting out! HUGS! Very, very proud of you. You've come a long way in a short time. As far as what I do to deal with scary emotions; I remember a philosophy I learned while Sarah was going through chemo and so ill; "NEVER ALLOW THE FEAR OF WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN TOMORROW, PREVENT YOU FROM CHERISHING WHAT YOU DO HAVE TODAY." How I would apply that? Say in your situation last night, maybe I'd have asked my hubby to join me with a glass of wine(beer for him) and join me for a romantic bubble bath were we could hold each other and I could remind him how very much he means to me. Share your emotions. That's what we're here for too and that's exactly what you did...again, Bravo for you. Journal, journal,journal. You're doing fantastic! Go hug your loved ones, tell them this event reminded you to make sure you let them know how much they mean to you. Have a wonderful evening dear friend. *hugs*
01 May 08 by member: ImLuuvd
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ImLuuvd said it so well. I've suffered with anxiety and panic attacks for a long time. I have a prescription Rx that I take and it helps a bunch, but sometimes I get the brain spins and I can't stop thinking about the 'what-ifs'. What if I can't make my mortgage? What if I never meet another man to love me? What if something happens to the kids? What if something happens to my mom and dad? What if ... on and on I can go. When I indulge in those thoughts, I miss out on the Right Now, and there are so many wonderful things RIGHT NOW that give me comfort and joy, it's easy to not get caught up in the what-ifs. However, I had to practice not indulging. Just like I'm practicing not trying to fill my emotional void with food. I think what you did was great: stopping and going to bed. Don't beat yourself up about it. It's such a gift to be aware.
01 May 08 by member: vonnielee
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I really do understand exactly what you mean about your worries. All I can say is: don't let them take hold of you, None of us know what tomorrow will bring. What we do know is to make each day count, love someone, let someone love you, make memories each day. The good mmories I have of my family that have gone before me ar my most prescious possession! The best gift they could have given me. My wish is that when I leave this world, I will leave prescious memories for those that have been a part of my life, that I leave behind. God Bless you, now go make some wonderful memories and enjoy life
01 May 08 by member: Janelleas
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