Ms Elizabeth's Journal, 04 April 2016

Do you ever feel like you are failing at life? Ok that's a bit dramatic but that's the question that keeps popping into my head. It's one of those negative self talk things that seem way more horrible than reality. I like to think it's my butt's negative self talk to manipulate me into eating another cookie. It's my inner fat girl who wants cake and she want's it now. What do we want? Cake! How do we get it? Keep asking the brain if they feel like they are failing at life. Yay! I also have a tendancy to tell myself I need to lose way more weight than I actually need to lose because if I keep gaining and losing the way I do I figure I will have to lose 10000 lbs in order to actually lose 50 lbs.

So yeah.. that's me tonight. Negative self thoughts. Talking to my butt. Resisting another cookie. And cake.. there really is cake. The preteen made a chocolate cake from scratch. Which kept her busy and off her phone away from a preteen boy who keeps asking her to kiss him. Seriously?? They are 12. It's only cute when kids under 2 kiss. After that? No. Not until they are 30. So far she seems to be resisting. At least from what I can tell she is resisting. She doesn't tell me anything but I have a nanny program on her cell phone. What ever happened to only having a land line with a 30 ft cord you stretched into the coat closet for privacy? I can't even have the hubby answer the phone to sound intimidating. All they do is text! Gah!

I should be meditating and working out or something.. like drinking lots of wine but I can't even manage that because the boys are running circles around me. Literally.. circles. I'm waiting for one of them to decide to run around me with rope to tie me up. They've become obsessed with spider man so it's only a matter of time. Oh and the husband is shopping for a 3rd row vehicle. Uh huh.. yup. No.. just no. But.. no. Just no. BUT.. it doesn't help peanut got his first big boy haircut and he no longer looks like a baby. Sigh..

So this is me. I'm a hot mess. I talk to myself. I'm pretty sure my butt is conspiring against me and any sane person would probably recommend I trade the dairy farm for a nut farm. The only problem is nuts are too high in calories and I would probably eat my way into an even larger butt. I'm not sure if that is that rock bottom spot I need to hit before I slap myself and yell SUCK IT UP. It seems close though right? Maybe I should go take some this was me before pictures. Before pictures equal getting off one's butt right? Maybe? *smacking head*