adamevegod1's Journal, 21 March 2018

Sometimes making the changes are easier said than done and even harder to continue for long periods of time or even years. Cyclical depression and Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) are real diseases that are associated with obesity. Unfortunately it is a never ending cycle... which comes first, gaining weight which leads to depression or depression which leads to gaining weight. Not an excuse, but a medical fact for some people. 

Lol Ginger I know what you mean Sweetie! I'm glad your here too! 

Totally agree Smprowett!  

Ended up deleting my post when I was on the phone and didn’t mean to: so to repeat it. The gist of it was...Have you ever heard the old adage if you can’t say anything nice... There are many people here with many different life stories. Some we are just happy that they are still breathing and with us to share their news and the days. I’ve lost 150 lbs in the last 4 years but have been fighting with the last 40-50 since I joined FS so should that be blamed on FS? This is a place people can come for support and leave those unhelpful attitudes behind. They don’t needone MORE place that is unfriendly or unwelcoming where they feel like their efforts or intentions are being judged or belittled. Be a cheerleader, not a downer or a tear downer. It takes VERY little to damage or derail someone’s self esteem and their fledgling attempts to change a lifetime of making the wrong choices. 🤷🏻‍♀️You may have it nailed through all of life’s tragedies, but not everyone else is that blessed. So how about less judgy?🙋🏻 

smprowett, lose a grown son, your only son, and well share more, no stranger to heartaches. You are awful judgy, but that's okay since your judgment reigns supreme. BTW, I don't think it is unhelpful, or hurtful to hold people accountable for their stated goals. How helpful is it to relentlessly say, "No worries tomorrow is a new day." Some wished that had that "day". 

hang in there the last few pounds are the hardest!  

Yes, many of us do wish we had that day. Sweet man. I’m sorry for your loss. But I still think you should use compassion when you look to others and that’s what I’m saying here. I’ve never walked your road, you have yet to walk mine and we haven’t walked theirs, so how do you figure it’s right ‘to hold people accountable?’ When what they may need is some honest love? Not everyone can succeed the first time. But sometimes, with enough love and belief they make it. 🙆🏻‍♀️ 

Unless someone explicitly asks for help why would you do anything other than give a nod of support and move on? And if you're just making generalized uninvited criticisms, that's kind of a jerk thing to do. I remember one time back when I was around 400 pounds I drove up to the corner store and got out my car to go in and buy a lottery ticket. When I got out there was a little black boy sitting in car with the windows rolled down along with five or six of his siblings. Anyway, as I walked up to the entrance the little feller said, "you're fat! you're fat! you're fat!!" directed at me. Kind of took me off balance, but without missing a stride I said back to the little guy, "well you're ugly", and I could hear him protesting, "NO I'M NOT" as I walked off. Yes little scrawny, where ever you may be, you're still ugly, and not just on the outside. All I'm saying is when you're dealing with other people it's a dialog, not a monologue, sometimes discretion is the better part of valor.  

Good point Phil a little kindness goes a long way in supporting people rather than saying negative comments about being on the site so long and not losing! We all have issues  

I think life happens. I think those of us that struggle are gonna always struggle. In my mind Fat Secret was huge part of the key to my success. When I was faithful and was here and engaged...I lost. When I strayed and halfa**ed it I gained. But I keep coming back to what I know worked and when I do it works again. If you look at my profile. I've been on since 2011 I think. I did almost a full year and lost a ton and reached my goal for the first time ever in my entire life. I didn't waver. I did bend. I stayed the course and I did it. All the way down to 129. I kept it off for a long time. I struggled finding a new rhythm with my diet. The blend of not being quite so disciplined and allowing myself a little freedom. I eventually lost my focus and then life smacked me upside the head and it was a downward spiral. It's been hard...really hard to get back on track. I keep trying and I keep failing. I just restarted again this week and I'm hoping I'm in for the long haul. Just my 2 cents. I don't think its the system that's the problem. I love Fat Secret. I think every person as individual succeeds or fails due to their level of discipline and commitment to the process (not saying there aren't contributing medical factors sometimes), but on the whole if we are truly hones with ourselves we know its our own fault we fail.  

Irish_chick, I agree with your overall perspective. I due believe that I have recieved a unhealthy measure of backlash do to my original post. I think because I have succeeded long term many don't think I struggle, but like a poorly maintained engine I'm constantly making fine tunes that allow me to succeed. I have a few rules that help (1) No junk food in my house (2) rarely do I eat high glycemic foods (3) I exercise when I hate it the most, unless heath interferes (4) I do not have ANY "fat-clothes" (5) I don't plan cheat days (that's living for something that want's to ruin me) (6) I'm OCD, so I rotate all my wardrobe (within season) so that forces me to see how all my clothing fits. (7) I hold myself accountable, and if it is publicly stated I think others have the right to hold me to it. I can eat a dozen of doughnuts, and a quart of ice cream in a sitting-hence the rules. I get the struggles, ups and downs, it's those who join who have no downs, and only going up, doing their "own diet" that concerns me. I guess it shouldn't though, if someone wants to cut 15 years off who am I to care. I just don't find coddling very caring. Thanks for your input. At least you weren't mean while telling me that I was.  

@adamevegod1 I have found that when I put things out there for the general public, out of concern, there's always going to be someone who takes it personally and takes it as an offense, rather than in the spirit in which it was intended. I think we all know that folks struggle with different aspects of weight loss and even life, we wouldn't be in here if we didn't! Some don't seem to realize that it's thru these struggles that some of us gain the wisdom as to what needs to be done. I agree with the coddling sentiment. Coddling isn't encouraging and/or motivating. This post actually prompted me to look back at my sporadic history on here. It's funny because I can tell you what was going on in my life by looking at my weight. It took me getting fed up with the gaining and concern about my health to ignite the fire under me! 

@adamevegod1 I actually agree with most of your rules and your approach. But I also think we really can't and shouldn't judge anyone else's journey unless we've walked a mile in their shoes. My husband (was a theory comp major) he had this brilliant piano teacher who used to ask him when he'd come for his lesson, if he had practiced. At the time my husband was pulled in a lot of directions working a couple jobs etc...didn't have access to piano at home only at his church and it was difficult...legitimately very difficult to find the time to practice. The teacher used to shake his head and tell him, "Don't make excuses, just own the fact that it isn't a priority. Don't lie to yourself. If you had wanted to practice then you would have made it a priority and found the time to do it. We all do what we WANT to do." He's absolutely right. When we are ready and our head is in the right place we all are capable of success. But when we aren't completely devoted (no matter how much we think we want to be thin and healthy), we will fail if we lack the discipline. Some of your rules are interesting. I think you've found your formula for success and that's awesome and its great that your formula works in your current life situation. It's a beautiful thing when those happen concurrently. I think I found my formula a few years ago and I just need to do it, I need to make it a priority. But the way I may succeed may ultimately be different than how you succeed or how somebody else succeeds. Curious how you keep all junk food out of your house. I'm guessing you have no children or at least none living with you? Also guessing that your wife is of like mind - no junk food. I would love to have no junk food but neither my husband nor my children are overweight they don't need the same constraints that I do. I teach my kids healthy habits and make them healthy foods but by no means do I keep them from a brownie or small cup of icecream for dessert. Part of this process has been taking what I know and marrying it with what can work in my life and coming up with the internal fortitude to compensate when my life and formula don't quite work. Six years ago was a pefect confluence of formula, discipline and life all working together. Today is different. Today is harder. I don't know if any of that makes sense. Probably to philosophical and gooey for an FS post but take it for its worth. I'm not into coddling either but I've softened a lot over the years to peoples plights as life has a way of really breaking you down sometimes and its really hard to climb back up.  

I now see plenty of warm, constructively supportive comments, so I have removed my prior comment on this thread. I can change too. Well played!