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Cravings, cheat days, and the such...
My husband told me he wanted to postpone Valentine's day until the week of my sisters wedding, since I agreed that it would be a cheat week. So we are going out to a nice place, getting each other gifts, and the whole Vday stuff on March 24th. I am excited, but at the same time, kind of worried. I shall explain..
So, it took me a while to get past craving a soda every day, or wanting bread or pasta. What if I eat a buttered roll, or a bite of chocolate cake (which this place has a dessert called "Chocolate Stampede" that I have always wanted to try.) and all my hard work blows right out the window. Everything I have accomplished, everything I have lost, all of it, just gone because I took a day off of eating better.
I know its silly, but I had a nightmare the other night that I walked into the restaurant at like 150lbs, and when I walked out, I was over 400 again. I am scared of falling back into a horrible pattern of bad eating. Falling off the wagon, if you will.
That brings me around to cravings. My brother is a recovered meth addict. He has been clean for 14years, but he told me the other day that someone on my block cooks meth. I asked him how he knew and he said "Because when you spend as much time as I did in a relationship with something like that, you never forget how it smells. I can smell it" I got to thinking about me, about the smell of warm french bread, or a cake right from the oven. I can walk into walmart and smell the bakery. My mouth waters at the thought of a bowl of ravioli. I am a recovering addict. I will always be a recovering addict. Just as my brother will always be a recovering addict, so will I.
So, should I allow myself a cheat day, a cheat week where I stop watching so closely what I eat and put into my body? People always say that dieters need a cheat day, but would you say the same about an alcoholic? A meth addict? My drug of choice was killing me, just as theirs was killing them, so why is it different? Would we be just as forgiving if an opiate addict told us that they had a cheat day, that a meth addict just hit the pipe once?
I am, in no way, condemning people who are able to have a cheat day and then get right back to it the very next day. Nor am I saying that if you do have a slip up and eat cake, or whatever, that there is something wrong with you. I am just saying, that for me, I am worried that its not worth it. Do I want to celebrate with my husband, have a buttered roll and a big bite of cake? Of course I do, but I also want to be able to look at myself in the mirror someday and be proud of how far I have come.
I am honestly scared to post this, because I dont want to make anyone mad. Addiction is a touchy subject, and food addiction is real. The need for food is real. The feeling of a bite of cake, or a sip of a soda that makes us close our eyes and relish it...thats very real.
My name is Kaaryn, I am a food addict and I still struggle. I am getting better, but I am not 100% over it yet.
Diet Calendar Entries for 16 February 2018:
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1756 kcal
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Fat: 130.50g | Prot: 134.10g | Carb: 12.39g.
Lunch: Burger King Double Whopper with Cheese (No Bun, No Ketchup). Dinner: Rotisserie Chicken (Skin Not Eaten), Ground Beef (80% Lean / 20% Fat, Patty, Cooked, Broiled). Snacks/Other: Chocolate Fat Bomb. more...
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5601 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Walking (slow) - 2/mph - 30 minutes, Desk Work - 8 hours, Driving - 30 minutes, Resting - 7 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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