bethinfriend's Journal, 07 November 2016

I understand Beth. This is how I felt when giving up alcohol after 10 years of being addicted. No-one around me appeared to understand or help. Friends and family would still drink around me, talk about alcohol, buy me alcohol as gifts. My partner was loving and knew I had to quit but he did not understand how hard that was for me. It was more than a physical addiction but an emotional need for me. What finally helped me was accepting I couldnt do it, but a higher power can. So I put my trust and faith in that. It gave me such a peace to know I was not alone. I started to look more outside of myself, than inside. I started to see the world more spiritually. I also started to try and see myself more of a being that was simply experiencing life inside a body. That I wasnt so immersed in my body that it overwhelmed me. I told myself that the cravings were not mine but that of a body whose inner flora was out of balance. Sugar, alcohol, deep fried foods etc were their ( gut bacteria) cravings, not mine. It helped me to distance myself enough from my body cravings, to try and sit back and just let yourself experience it. To find it interesting rather than lost in it. Life is all about this. Experiencing stuff. some stuff is wonderful, others not so pleasant. It also helps to know that this feeling will pass, so its a fleeting experience. One that will come back less and less too, as you start to eat healthier and your inner gut bacteria changes. It might also help you right now to allow yourself some other food instead of the pizza. An apple, simple salad etc Dont feel guilty about ALL food otherwise you are just choosing another path that will take you into misery. ( this is the bit where i am being a hypocrite but I am trying to change this in myself now.. eating more often without fear or guilt) People who starve themselves are unhappy but so are people who eat all the chocolate bars, pizza, deep fried foods. This is a journey into discovering both yourself and the true needs of the amazing beautiful vehicle you travel around inside. It is thrilling to be alive, to be human, a gift.  

Dieting is really hard! Your body will try to tell you that you are starving to death at first. The hard part is that you do have to eat. The trick is to experiment to find that diet plan/foods that will work for you. A lot of people here have tried multiple approaches. Even when they finally find the methods that seem to work best for them, they keep adjusting and fine tuning their plans. Please do make sure that you eat something. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up to binge eat and then to feel worse about yourself after that. Extreme diets and starving oneself don't tend to be realistic, sustainable plans for most people. I hope that you will be inspired by the many stories here of people who have found success. It's really hard in the beginning, but it feels really good to see results later on. Hang in there! You are not a nobody! 

I just finished reading *all* your journal entries, hun. You talked about girls who are in abusive relationships with guys... But let me tell you, people can also be in abusive relationships with food, too... You talk in one entry about punishing yourself for eating more than 1000 calories, and in another how you "deserve" to be punished... Wanting to lock yourself away... So many things that just broke my heart. No one should feel like that just from food. I don't know if you have access to any local support resources, but I honestly think there may be more underlying issues that maybe talking to someone can help you work through? You shouldn't have to go through this on your own! You've got the career goals down - and that's wonderful! It's those deeper issues that I see reflected in your journal entries that concern me... Maybe talk to your school's counselor? I know you said you already graduated, but I'm sure they can arrange something for alumni... I wish you well, because like kpwcalories said, you are not a nobody. 

YOU can send me any time for support - im here almost every day. 

I truly believe losing weight is much harder than recovering from alcohol or drug addiction. With those the addict can totally abstain. Those of us who are addicted to food can't do that. A certain amount is required to sustain life. So we limit instead of abstain. Much harder in my opinion. There are certain things I can abstain from, I never eat rice, pasta, potatoes, bread,or sweets. But there is still the problem of limiting calories. We are all in this together and we need each other for support. I have sent you a buddy request. 

We have all been there at one time or the other. I have tried many different ways of losing the weight. When I started out at the beginning of 2015, I weighed 82.5kg. I tried starving myself and excluding carbs from my meals. The more I tried to be disciplined myself, the more I messed up. Eventually I got hold of a weight watcher diet/info booklet and started using the point system. This enabled me to eat from each food group, and to choose better options. I occasionally allowed myself to eat pizza or some form of junk food once a week as a reward if the scale went down. Walking was also a good way of allowing my body to get rid of stress as it gave me a sense of self control. You need to understand that losing weight is for you; and that we are all facing the same battles. I have gone down from 82.5 to 73.9Kg. It’s a very slow weight loss process for me but every day I am learning what works for me. When you mess up....what you need to do is start fresh the next day. The winning mindset is to never give up. Also break your goal weight up in portions. Set realistic targets each week. Just don't give up.  

Okay you want pizza so have your pizza but lets do it different. Lets make chicken crust pizza which taste amazing and its no carbs and all protein. Or make zucchini boat pizza or if you like mushrooms have a portabella mushroom pizza. So many different ways to eat what you want just healthier.  

We are all here for you Beth. Know that while you may not have the support you need within your circle of family and friends, that you FS family is here to support you and help you along the way. You need to first believe in yourself and tell yourself you are an amazing and wonderful person. You are on this weight loss journey to better YOURSELF and do it for YOU. We all believe in you. Believe in yourself and know that you can do this :) 

There's something in pizza your body needs. So have a piece or the smallest pizza you can get. Don't feel guilty, it's biology not you failing. If eating it triggers a impulse to binge eat salads instead of comfort food. Pizza is tough, but when I crave cheeseburgers I make a cheeseburger salad with everything that I would have on the burger except the bun. Also keep in mind this is the time of the year for seasonal depression, which kills me!  

Have you decided on an eating plan? Are you tracking your food? There is a lot of support here but ultimately it is you that has to take the steps. Are you able to research the different ways of eating? Read others journals and see how they are doing it, look at others food diary for ideas. Everyone deserves to be happy and healthy, you included 

Losing weight is hard but doesn't have to be awful. Find ways to burn calories and eat foods that you enjoy without high calorie intake. I obtained a list of negative foods from my doctor that actually burn more calories digesting than it adds to your calorie intake. Grant it most of these are fruits and vegetables but when you combine them with reasonable portions that fit in your diet that can help you obtain your goals. I love pasta and it has so many calories, eat smaller portions with a salad, you could do the same with pizza. A great way to burn calories is to walk and swing your arms, if you do not feel comfortable walking where you live, go to your nearest big box retailer. I worked at Target for 37 years and we had several people come to the store everyday and walked around the main aisle for an hour. Also a great way to make new friends. 

First....hugs! It's apparent you aren't in a good place with yourself or with life and I hope and pray that you find the strength within to turn this all around. I see you have a couple of buddies already, so that's a start. You can always add me on as a buddy too. :)) Sometimes you have to reach out to others first here. I've had buddy requests sent to me and I've sent buddy requests out. Read through profiles and see who will be compatible in regards to a buddy. First, maybe you should sit down and write out specific goals and a plan on paper and then look for buddies who are going to be helpful in assisting you to get to those goals. Don't wait for life to happen to you; get out and make life happen. Got to have specific plans and goals in life. It won't come to you.   

@sammy , thank you for sharing your story with alcohol .If you can distant yourself from your craving , I can do it too as long as I believe in myself ! Thank you for your support ! @kpw Thank you for your comment ! Yes I will find a better meal plan that works for me ! @Roobert, I was a victim from fat shaming and after that I become really conscious about my body image , but now I think It's okay , I'm not alone , I have support from all these lovely people on fat secret ! @Liz, Thank you ! @rhon , Thank you ! loosing weight is hard but we are in this together ! @Turk Thank you ! I will keep going until I reach my goal weight ! @bon I will look for low calorie pizza in the store next time :) @Chele, Thank you for your support !@wcurtin , thank you for commenting , I know how depression feels ~ hanging there , we'll loose weight together !@Rckc , thank you , yes, I just made a new diet plan ^^ @joe thank you , I will try that at home walk and swing my arms :D , @Arabella , Yes I can't just wait for things to happen , I need to be the one that make life happen ! Thank you for your comment, it's really encouraging ! :D  

You sound much better today! 

You have support here....just know that! 

You don't need to starve. Food is to nurture not punish the body. Take time to find recipes you love and put care into making it and nourishing your body and soul. I read so much pain and I wish for that pain to be healed.  

You DO have support here! Sometimes the rest of the world seems indifferent but WE people here know/or have had experiences like yours. That's what my wife (Angie) says, "PIZZA!". We had to find an alternative! We tried many types and all are good, some better that others! We just had to find (for us) low-carb, gluten-free, sugar-free, better for you replacements. Try these for start: http://www.ditchthecarbs.com/2015/04/23/fat-head-pizza/ https://eatketo.com/chicago-style-stuffed-pizza/ The stuffed Chicago is a monster! Tried to do 2 pieces but.... Sure helped cure that PIZZA ITCH!  

Food is not evil! But I know how you feel. I could not relate to food healthily for many years, I was terrified of gaining weight. Food is fuel and you need to fuel your body with quality food. You can do this!