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Hey dearies!
I had a second nerve block to my spine yesterday. Scary stuff ..... I woke up in the recovery room with pain greater than when I went in. They had to give me some morphine into the IV. Knocked me right out and I slept for an hour. When I got home I did the ice packs and some meds....today I'm feeling 50% better and for that I am so very grateful.
I noticed that I fasted for 20 hours yesterday and it didn't seem to bother me....I wasn't starving....just missed my java.
I want to get this weight off so badly...but I want it to happen faster than it is so again I am leaning toward LCHF. I am meeting some online friends next month...I knew this for 6 months....I could have lost the weight by now....and didn't....and I am so pissed at myself. But I still can't wait to get together...we will be 11 women on a retreat in the countryside of VA. Just hope the bears don't want to visit!!!! :)
I removed the pics I put of myself .... every time I came on and saw the pics, I got so many mixed feelings and for the most part it brought me to a sad place. When I saw the pics of me at 316 lbs it brought back all the teasing and bullying I went through my whole life. I was always fat. I was always the fattest in my classes; the fattest in my group of friends; fattest of my sisters; fattest...... On top of that I was born with a clubfoot....so I had to wear oxfords when all the girls wore such pretty shoes. And I tripped a lot....have two size feet....teasing. And if that wasn't enough I wore glasses since 12 yrs of age...so now I was the 4-eyed, fatty, with the ugly shoes...oh, and then there was the acne stage. So, I removed the pics....unfortunately I can't remove the memories. Even at my age, some of those memories have me tearing up. Silly woman!!!
the end.
carry on :)
Geez.....talk about losing my mind! The reason I decided to journal was because of a post by LadyinDenim regarding statins and their relationship to dementia. I've been on statins for years and lately my short-term memory leaves much to be desired. Need to get with my dr about this. My cholesterol readings have all been perfect. Don't know if it's the meds or me....maybe time to get off the meds....don't know if I've already done damage that can't be undone. My mama had dementia.....she was bedridden the last 3 years of her life....she lived with me and dh...so I saw first hand how dementia robs one slowly and daily. I don't want to go down that path.
now, carry on......
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 Comments
Glad to see you here today - stay with it, it does get easier.
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Wow, that's a lot. I'm glad you're doing better after yesterday's procedure. I can't relate to everything you wrote, but I've struggled with my weight for most of my life and I was a true geek in high school. Add to that I got glasses one week and braces on the next in sixth grade, an age when most don't feel that great about themselves anyway. The braces stayed on for 6 years! Not fun. I'm thinking about the statin thing, too. In need of some blood work and a discussion with my doctor, no doubt.
09 Sep 16 by member: PhillySue
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Have a wonderful time on your retreat! I'm sorry you carry those sad memories and that the little boogers still get at you. When I think of negatives in my past I am reminded of a sweet and sour meal (doesn't matter what kind!) If it weren't for the sour, I wouldn't know just how sweet the sweet is :) As you said, carry on :)
09 Sep 16 by member: Becca P
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LCHF combined with fasting will help. I'm PMing a link to Sue and Linny regarding lipids and LCHF, and statins.
09 Sep 16 by member: mskestrela
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09 Sep 16 by member: PhillySue
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But look at how much you have lost - and all you have gained. We all have these terrible insecurities, that is not human to not have, but, you are honest about it, yourself, and, now, you are onto the last hurdle - 21 kilos is nothing really, is it ! good luck...
09 Sep 16 by member: Beijing2828
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Well most of us have these terrible insecurities, or some, or a few..
09 Sep 16 by member: Beijing2828
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Linny so sorry to hear about those physical problems. I hope things get better, and will be thinking about your wellbeing!
09 Sep 16 by member: warrenwinter
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I understand why you took down your pics,though you look beautiful.I can relate so much about "always being the fattest".The teasing,the fat shaming.It still happens even at 50 yrs from some of my relatives.Some compliment my weight loss with an insult hidden in the compliment.I just ignore them all,even though it really irritates me.Before it used to hurt me.As for statins, I took them for years.After losing quite a bit my readings were normal but the doctor insisted I continue to take them,saying they are "helping me".One monthago I decided enough.I just stopped taking them.I am doing my best to get healthy and stop taking all these meds especially the bp meds. I hope the nerve block helps you.Linny please update ,on how effective it is in alleviating the pain..My mother is supposed to have one.She lives with severe pain and surgery is out of the question due to kidney failure.It is at a point that pain killers are ineffective.
10 Sep 16 by member: UmmBilal
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I knew you guys would understand.....most of us have been there, some more than others, but you have felt that pain of being ridiculed. One would think that as we grow older we can deal better. Some years ago when I was in my forty's my gf and I were passing these teens sitting at a table in a dinner. As we passed, one of them said "free Willy". My gf had to guide me away as I wanted to hit him upside the head! Punk kid! But, I was good....hey, I was walking to my table and food was in my near future!!!! :)
10 Sep 16 by member: IamLinny
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