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Slept poorly last night.
My younger daughter posted on facebook that we as a nation need to change the dialog about rape and we need to advocate for women. Men are not held accountable for crimes against women and rape victims are routinely subjected to interrogations about their own behaviors. What were you wearing, were you drinking and how much, were you flirting, did you invite him in. She linked to a blog on medium.com written by Laura Louise titled, "Michelle Marks is dead, Mark Turner is a rapist, & men are still blaming every single thing but themselves for their crimes against humanity."
Above this link, my daughter wrote that she herself was raped two weeks ago, had been raped multiple times since the age of fourteen, and it would probably happen again. She wrote, "Let me be clear: this is my story. If you ever weaponize it and direct it at me, you will be ejected from my life without a moment's hesitation. If you try to absorb this experience and make it about you, it is another violation, and another unforgivable one."
I felt that last bit was directed at me. She has so much rage, and there was a point she refused to talk to me for two years. I offered my support and she replied that she wanted me to work on changing things by tirelessly advocating for women.
They were boyfriends, friends, dates. No strangers.
Tonight I am cooking for my two daughters, three grandkids, son-in-law, and younger daughter's new boyfriend. She says I will like him. I understand he just graduated from high school. My daughter is 26 years old. If I weren't fasting right now, I would be a mess.
I come from a family that protected child molesters and rapists. My boundaries were/are so messed up. I feel I am in part to blame for her suffering. I want to help and don't know what to do.
I'm going to make a beautiful dinner and make my house a safe place with love and family. I don't know what else to do.
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248.0 lb
Lost so far: 6.0 lb.
Still to go: 113.0 lb.
Diet followed 100%.
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Diet Calendar Entry for 25 June 2016:
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2790 kcal
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Fat: 136.95g | Prot: 84.37g | Carb: 322.31g.
Breakfast: Tortilla Corn Chips, Cooked Pinto, Calico or Red Beans, Coffee. Lunch: Tortilla Corn Chips. Dinner: Whipped Heavy Cream (Unsweetened), Strawberries, Green String Beans, Carrots, Red Cabbage, Plain or Buttermilk Biscuits, Chicken with Gravy (Mixture), Lettuce. Snacks/Other: Salsa, Tortilla Corn Chips. more...
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steady weight
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1 to 20 of 22
 Comments
Love her Lady, that is all you can do. You can't change the past, you can't go back and fix anything. Move forward and give unconditional love.
25 Jun 16 by member: debrafrederick
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I agree with Debra and your making your home a safe place for her. That's all you can do! It hurts so much to see our children go through things in life that we have no control over when we are programmed as mothers to protect. It often leads to feelings of guilt and failure. Don't EVER feel like you haven't done your job! As much as we'd like to, as much as we feel the need to, as much as we feel we should be able to... we cannot control what goes on in the outside world. (((Hugs))) to you and your family, buddy!
25 Jun 16 by member: Caterpillar2Butterfly
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25 Jun 16 by member: bdmgoggins
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Loving, caring, listening. And encouraging her to stand up for herself.
25 Jun 16 by member: erikahollister
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home must be safe.... I have experience with such things... but i was always safe at home and that's what kept me going. it never leaves you... that's why I'm here actually. .. I got fat on purpose so no one would want to touch me anymore. ... I finally feel safe and can lose the pounds...... be as supportive as possible it's gonna be a real long road for her
25 Jun 16 by member: 8hunter6
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praying for you and your family, sweet denim lady
25 Jun 16 by member: ImLaura
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If at all possible, get professional help. These folks, especially the good ones, will help you sort these issues out in a way that will help protect her/you from more pain hurt anger shame embarrassment and whatever else nasty that can creep in. Coming to forgiveness is the full circle. I personally prefer CLINICAL SOCIAL WORKERS to psychologists or psychiatrist. They will advise and help you find help if/when meds are needed. This is the path I followed and after many years of sorting out, found forgiveness. Sometimes the path to good health was harder than the abuse...but eventually found peace. God bless you and your family. No matter what, you have my support. 👼🏻 🕊 🙏 💐 💖
25 Jun 16 by member: Sarah1950
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I have attended individual and group therapy, as well as peer support groups. It would be good for me to talk with a professional specifically about rape. I just don't have any tools to deal effectively wth this. She has shut me out of her healing process, maybe for a good reason, or what seems like a good reason to her. Meanwhile, I will just love her. It kills me when she says, "It will probably happen again." I want her to stop drinking. I want her to introduce her friends and dates to the family. I want her to be safe. She's grown, on her own. I do need to talk to a professional. I will call a crisis line and get a referral.
25 Jun 16 by member: LadyinDenim
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Heartbreaking. Lifting you up from a distance with love and healing vibes.
25 Jun 16 by member: mskestrela
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I'm so sorry about all that your family is going through. I hope you have a wonderful family dinner.
25 Jun 16 by member: kpwcalories
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I sent you a private message through FS.
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Could she enroll in a self defense class? Maybe that would make her feel a little more empowered and get some rage release at the same time?
25 Jun 16 by member: bdmgoggins
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She has been seeing a therapist she trusts for over a year. She goes to the gym 5 days a week and is proud of her strength and endurance. I would love for her to learn self defense or a martial art. HCB, there might be something to your idea. She refuses to confide in me. She will discuss her experience with a man she met two week ago. I need to start with myself. As far as she is concerned, she has all the care and support she needs without leaning on family. I need to respect her boundaries. She wants me on the outside of her fence.
25 Jun 16 by member: LadyinDenim
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So sorry for your heartache right now. Life really is a messy business, and nobody is exempt. Just different messes, different days. Praying for your daughter, to be able to release this rage. While it may spur her on in her activism, there could also be more damage in the bitterness to both her and those she cares for and wants to care for. Prayers for you, for peace to reign in the midst of confusion, hurt and these trials. Keep in touch here, ENJOY your fast ...you have created a setting for the best you know how to give. Rest in it. Hugs.
25 Jun 16 by member: Becca P
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I think you hit it, Becca. She shows this hard edged in your face look to the world, but I can't help but look at her and see my little girl, who was so shy as a child, she wouldn't hug her own grandmother. But she is who she is right now, so oh, god. I will call and get an appt. Tuesday. For the women here who have been raped, thank you for your support, and I am sorry for your burden, and hers, and mine, and everyone who loves anyone who has been harmed in this way.
25 Jun 16 by member: LadyinDenim
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25 Jun 16 by member: erikahollister
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I'm keeping good thoughts for you and your daughter. I was particularly struck by your last two paragraphs. Try to make home a place that she wants to come and to feel safe. Admit freely to her that you don't know what to do to help her and perhaps she can guide you. It could be that she wants to work things out for herself, but maybe she just needs to hear (again) you are open to helping.
25 Jun 16 by member: izzypup68
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I have shared in here before the fact that I was a battered wife, one of the things that I don't share much with anyone was the fact that I was raped repeatedly by my husband after he would beat me up. He seemed to enjoy forcing himself on me when I was battered and bleeding. It took me years to process myself through the damage it did to me. This was back in the early 80's and I was so humiliated and shamed by it that I never told anyone. I never received therapy of any sort for it because I never asked for it. As far as I knew back then, there was no such thing as a rape accusation between spouses. But it was rape, he forced himself on me when I was not willing and fighting him only succeeded in giving me a further beating so I learned to lie still and take it. I could not tell my mother, not until after I had fully healed and found my own identity...around age 42. She was quite upset when I did tell her and she felt like she should have been there for me, the plain fact of the matter was, I needed to do it on my own. It was a matter of coming to terms with my own guilt and shame more than anything else and no one can help you reach self forgiveness but yourself.
25 Jun 16 by member: debrafrederick
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I'm glad that you're trying to be there for your daughter. My mother just denies that it happens and makes fun of me for it, so she's lucky to have you.
25 Jun 16 by member: 0alanna0
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She was smiling and bubbly the whole time. She really wanted me to like bf, who is 23, not 19. Everyone had a good laugh at my expense. SIL set me up for that one. She ate three biscuits, played with the kids, and let me give her a long hug goodbye. The day is over, but I won't forget how hurt she is. Am following through with counseling. Will text her each day. If I don't have anything to say, I'll send a meme. Thank you for sharing your story, Debra. It reminds me she has strength in herself. OalannaO, I am sorry your mom failed you and hope you are safe now.
25 Jun 16 by member: LadyinDenim
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