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The end of the week has arrived once again. Just like clockwork!! I have just one "out of the office" appointment today and time to finish up more of the dreaded paperwork. Slowly but surely I think I am making progress. I talk to myself a lot. It must annoy my office mates!!
Weight continues to hang about the 180 mark. Up a little, down a little, up a little, down a little. It's okay I suppose, it is what it is. Info uses fasts, sometimes full fasts, sometimes modified fasts in his approach. I'm not very good at not eating at all. I imagine he is right ... if I had a few really low calorie days I might see that 175 number but I just haven't felt motivated to do so ... or perhaps not "moved" to do so. Besides, I located a beer that I tasted at the Brewer's Festival in Portland at a local store and purchased some!! It isn't "light" beer ... it is full flavor and absolutely delicious!! Anderson Valley Brewing Company's Summer Solstice Cerveza Crema!! I had one last night. I was certainly still within my calorie range. We will go out tomorrow night and I will enjoy myself with whatever I feel hungry or thirsty for. This is what I wanted. The ability to stay within a decent weight range and still have fun. That I am doing. I have to remind myself of that though. Remembering where I have been, acknowledging where I am at, and also maintaining focus on my goals.
I would like to have some satisfaction in my life. Meaning I would like to be able to be okay with me. Sometimes that seems difficult. Sometimes I find myself smiling broadly and feeling so comfortable with me. Yogamama wrote about the loss of a dear friend last year and how upsetting it still is to acknowledge his loss. Life is so tenuous. What we think will be around forever sometimes is not. Rather than be irritated by "what is missing" or "what I have not achieved" or "what is unfair" I would like to be more congnizant of what IS ... what I HAVE ... what is BEAUTIFUL ... what is RIGHT. Writing this stirs up some emotion for me. SIGH. So ... I will focus on being still, breathing in the goodness in my life and the multitude of positives. And, allow myself to feel those other things too ... because the sad things, the frustrations in life, the "unfairness", the hurt I witness in my work, those are all real too. Wow ... awfully deep for a Friday morning!! May we each find some joy in today. May we all be able to acknowledge our own strengths and challenges and be kind to ourselves. May we feel connected and alive!! Take care!!
Diet Calendar Entries for 14 August 2009:
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1296 kcal
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Fat: 25.47g | Prot: 116.21g | Carb: 163.99g.
Breakfast: Fiber One, water, medifast cocoa. Lunch: 2% cottage cheese, Yoplait Light Thick & Creamy Orange Creme, Whole Wheat Sandwich Thins, Alpine Lace Light Provolone, white turkey meat. Dinner: Perrier, Green Giant Broccoli and Carrots, boneless skinless chicken breast, Uncle Ben's Ready Rice. Snacks/Other: Speical K Bar - Chocolately Pretzel, Marathon Nutrition Bar Honey & Toasted Almond. more...
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3003 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Sleeping - 8 hours, Resting - 4 hours and 14 minutes, Desk Work - 9 hours, Driving - 2 hours, Precor Elliptical - 46 minutes. more...
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 Comments
I relate to the general "insatiability" to which you allude. There are two nagging voices that debate inside our heads. One says, "You should be happier than you are. Look at everything you have accomplished! What a nice life you have! You have a nice life! You just don't realize that fact!" Then the second voice says, "Yes. But is 'this' all there is? Is there something ELSE I am supposed to be doing or loving, or living?" My spouse and I live a semi retired lifestyle three months out of every year because we do not "go to work" in a conventional sense - yet we "draw" a MODERATE salary. Our circumstanc does not afford us the kind of luxury to do things BIG so we try to do them up right but SMALL. That kind of lifestyle guides one to count his blessings. The more one counts his blessings - the more they begin to multiply! 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - That's me counting you as one of my many blessings! I love ya more that Twinkies Baby!
14 Aug 09 by member: poet-in-motion
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LOL about talking to yourself a lot and annoying your office companions. Maybe you should tell them that you need to speak to at least *one* interesting person once in a while. ;-)
14 Aug 09 by member: information
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Will I ever get to the point like you, where I will go out and eat and drink whatever I want like you are doing tomorrow night and have done in the past??? Being comfortable with that. I know you do not do it all the time but just to do it once would be so nice. I do not see it in my future, I am so self programmed to get the lighter fare, the chicken, the fish, not sure I can get past that and not sure I want to. I am having such a hard time losing eating the way I am I would really be in trouble eating what I want. Just what does Chicken Alfredo taste like anyway. I forget.
14 Aug 09 by member: WECANDOTHIS
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LOL!!! It has been a long time since I had an alfredo sauce. OMG ... that sounds wonderful!!! You caught me in a fib!!! I'm not actually really eating ANYTHING I want ... I still try to choose wisely but I do stray from my typical routine. For instance ... onion rings on vacation. I would 'never' eat onion rings at home ... but there is a place we go to in Oregon that makes them PERFECT and I indulge. I tend to order shrimp ... or fish ... or chicken ... although I do have an occasional steak. Now, I might have an alfredo sauce someday ... oh my personal favorite!!! That and really good bread!!!
14 Aug 09 by member: madaboutmoose
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Your diet might have been within calories but the beer may have been the wrong choice. It slows down your metabolism!! I do horribly while drinking my booze, and I love the OCCASIONAL cocktail. :) I have my fun, and live when I want to or know I CAN AFFORD to. When I am goal oriented or have a new goal in mind I push for that, and pass on the indulgences. Then again I've probably done so well mainaining since Nov (actually up and down) because I have lived! (moderately lol)
14 Aug 09 by member: cindyshine
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Love your philosophy about trying to focus on the cup being half full and not half empty. Part of this weight loss journey is to figure out how you can lose the weight but still be able to enjoy food too without going overboard, stressing about it, and getting off track all the way. You seem to have been able to do this. It's not easy. Bravo to you!!
14 Aug 09 by member: mbhpro
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Great post, again. I have not decided on my ultimate goal weight yet but I am also hoping to settle at a place where I feel good about my health and how I look, but I can still have *some* of the foods (and drinks) that I really enjoy. If I am super thin but I can only maintain if I *never* have good bread, or beer, or cake, that is just not worth to me. I hope that we can both find that magic balance. Have a good weekend!
14 Aug 09 by member: erikag
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14 Aug 09 by member: madaboutmoose
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I've mentioned it before, but I try to start each day listing all the things I'm thankful for. It helps if the negative stuff pops up later in the day. It's like putting on sunscreen for protection! (that's better than the other analogy that came to mind)! Hope your Friday was super, and the weekend is a great one for you!
14 Aug 09 by member: amryk
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You did a great job getting to where you are - you deserve the fun you are having! I almost had a beer too, but none were cold so I had water. It was good - I was so thirsty!
14 Aug 09 by member: abbadabba
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