Jonathan Walsh's Journal, 15 April 2015

ready to roll!!!!!!!! lets do it 

Im in! Hope you get some relief from your sore muscles today. 

I believe your all in Mobile Rose! Good to hear from you this morning. Let's rock this day brother. Top off your tank & put the hammer down my friend. We are going take this mountain & make a mole hill out of it. 

MY Best (Ultimate Warrior Yell) Back at you, my friend....YOu keep kicking and rocking along...Yes, we gonna go to the peak!!!! One day at at time, One step at a time...I AM ALL IN !!!! FOR ALL DAY WEDNESDAY!!!!!!!...and then we can think about THURS. tomorrow...:) 

ALL DAY WEDNESDAY it is!!! The bar has been set. Wednesday is push yourself to the limit day. Glad to be making this climb with you gang! To the peak! 

WOOOO! Sore and back for more. I find it funny when people ask me when they won't be sore any more. I tell them the day I'm not sore in some part of my body I'll let them know. And you know I've been all in, every day from Day 1 till the end. 

WOOOO! Sore and back for more. I find it funny when people ask me when they won't be sore any more. I tell them the day I'm not sore in some part of my body I'll let them know. And you know I've been all in, every day from Day 1 till the end. 

Sore & back for more! That's a t-shirt slogan if I ever heard one. Letty you have an entrepreneurship opportunity with that one. Slap a gym or fitness class on the front, your slogan on the back, & BAM! Cha-ching! I'd buy one. Size 4X, but rapidly approaching 3X.  

And I do have a fitness class. They hired me at the gym where I workout a couple weeks ago. The name of my class is Total Tone. That would be a good idea. 

I like that! Sore and back for more! That is me! Sometimes I have to use Icy Hot before the gym! Lol 

At this very moment, I smell like a hot tub full of Ben-Gay. 

Meeeee!!!! You keep me soooo motivated--Thank you! Wow--Kick boxing? That is intense! I'm trying to just get on my treadmill every day. If we can slow down our schedules, I just might make it. You are doing fantastic!  

New Jon, you have a secret. There's something you eluded to about how New Jon came to be that you eluded to in your first journal. Not to stress you, but to challenge you. I'm asking you now for a challenge. What challenge will you set for yourself will you meet in order for us to know what that personal moment was? I'm asking with this in mind: I don't want you to disclose something you are not ready to without feeling free of whatever impediment it was caused it in the first place, and when you're well ready to share, please know that I think you're in a safe place here as one of our greatest heros. My inner feeling is that when you 're ready, it may free you. If you're not ready, forget this post. Your welbeing is important to me.  

Jon another day dawns and the battle continues. Sounds like a war novel of some sort and actually it is in a sense. I filled out some sort of bio with all my info weight family etc. don't know where it went but is out there. Continue the climb I am with you write again in a while 

Herpinusa is correct. I have a secret. I have a history. I have events I am proud of & events I am ashamed of. I have family issues. I have abandonment issues. I have issues with being ostracized. I have enough issues. I also have been blessed tremendously. My problem was I continued to carry my issues underneath my blessings & tried to hide them. I internalized them & ate my way to nearly 500 pounds out of shame; which culminated in another form of shame; my weight. Ah yeah the weight. You can't hide that SOB. As I continue this awakening of sorts & talk things out here & in my head; I almost feel the issues caused the weight, but because I became so big, I could not ignore it, the weight had to be addressed by clearing the issues. So as my tangled mental web has begun to "untangle" & file itself away in neat folders; the issues that created my weight, is the same weight that created the event that forced me to heal myself & let my issues go. Does that even make sense? I have a story. It's long. You will not understand it with out my history. It's even longer. I'm not special. I will work on it. Some of it is sad. Some is happy. Maybe I put it on paper so I can read it to myself. Then when I feel it is palatable enough for people to read, I will send it to those who are interested. Not that I am ashamed of it. I'm proud of the arc of my life. My motto has always been "It's not where you start, but where you finish" long before I read it on a poster or a t-shirt. Like I've said before, we all don't start on the same rung of the ladder & some are more challenged than others. That's life. My life has been one of those lives. It's been tough; it has also been rewarding. I did a few things very badly; I did a few things very well. I wrecked a few things; I fixed a few things. I overcame a lot; I let one thing bury me. I am now here to kick it in the ASS. I'm proud of my life. It's made me a pretty solid man, contributing member of society, a respectful son, a protective brother, a loving husband, & proud father. I just let the shame of my beginnings & the regrets of my mistakes get too much foothold, which buried under this weight. But I got a shovel now. I'm digging out. I know all that dirt from digging created a mountain. And I'm climbing it with you all.  

You are doing a great job. There's no perfection in life. We learn from our mistakes and each mistake makes us who we are. We make the decision to fall back into that or learn. I once made a statement that I had no regrets because my mistakes make me who I am. That's not true, though and I am ashamed I said that. I do regret some things I have done, even if I have learned from them. It would be terrible for me to say that I did something wrong and it's okay just because I learned from it. I think I have learned to slow down on some things and think more as I am getting older. I think for the most part, we are all headed to the same place, but have taken different roads. The finish is what matters. Hopefully, that finish makes us better people, making better choices. From the posts that you have written, you are a strong man and you take the time to care about others. You inspire/motivate everyone. That mountain is a tough climb, but you are making the climb fun and we'll eventually all get there together. 

I agree Jillzee. It has taken me along time, but I embrace all of my mistakes, except one. My one mistake caused such great harm to others I love. It's been very difficult to deal with. At the time I thought I did the right thing. I thought I prevented a tragedy. Many years later, I found out what I did was allow a monstrosity to continue. I want to tell people, but I just can't do that yet. Maybe if I could, it would fully release me. A few short weeks ago, I never even dreamed of facing the situation & accepting it daily to get past the pain. But over the course of flipping my switch, New Jon is walking on ground Old Jon never treaded on. 

on I am a day late and a dollar short I feel like I am jumping in the middle of everything but I'm with you brother. I'm old enough to be your father not that I'm trying to replace any one but if I can give you a different perspective on some things being that much older or maybe you can do it for me who knows but we are all here pulling for you and each other together we will make the climb out and upward 

Strange you should make such a comment after some of the events of my day. I appreciate the comment Mobile Rose. I never really had much of a father. And yes, we are going climb every day until there is nothing left to climb.