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Recent revelations:
-I am still pretty out of shape and 10k is a lot longer than I think it is sometimes.
-I still think with training I could hit my goal of finishing the race within 90 minutes. I looked up my previous race time and it was 95 minutes. My pace was 14:45/mi. So I was already going a smidge faster than 4mph last time.
-Over the weekend I had a spur of the moment, short distance jog pushing my baby in the stroller. (I was running late to meeting up with a neighbor friend so I decided to run part of the way to her house to avoid being any later than necessary.) I managed to have a little more endurance on the way back home than the way there, but considering I was able to jog at a decent clip for ~1/4mi before having to slow down so that I could breathe better doesn't inspire tons of confidence about being all that fit for race day. (However, the improvement between the two trips was encouraging since I was able to maintain a jog for almost twice the distance coming home. My dad pointed out that the difference may be accounted by having more warmed up muscles. Good to remember for race day if I do it this year.)
-One idea I had had before that I now feel is absurd and unrealistic was doing the race with my infant in a baby carrier. Actually trying to run any distance at all has proven to me that that is more headache (and other aches too I bet) than it's worth. My former roommate paid me a surprise visit over the weekend. She lives a few states away and had driven up with her husband- the roommate I mentioned in a previous journal who helped after I had a rude awakening from my bedroom window. I had my daughter in my Moby carrier and started running out to her, a distance of like 15 feet, and was reminded very clearly about why well endowed women like bras with support. Ordinarily I wouldn't imagine something like that would make a big difference, but then this is coming from someone who's never really been bustier than a coat rack. I can't really imagine doing the race well while bouncing ~15lbs on my chest for 6+ miles (assuming the rugrat was willing to be jostled like that for that long). My mom jogged a 10k the weekend before I was born (which I think is part of the reason I was born 2 weeks before my due date), but that's her. I'm not 9months pregnant so jogging with baby is optional for me. I'm thinking this mama may need to just stick on hugging my little one at the finish line instead of during the race.
-After talking with my dad I realized that I don't know what exactly my motivations are and if they are good or just impulsive/ reckless. However, he's willing to do the race with me next year. I can't believe I am toying with the idea of doing this as an annual celebration- sort of. I still don't like distance running for its own sake. Part of me feels like it would be a good, semi sentimental, milestone type thing to do it this year because it's exactly 10 years since my last race. I had thought the one I competed in was 2003, but when I looked it up I realized it was '04 when I ran it. It's dumb, but I'm wanting to do it somewhat because of that. Some sort of coming of age nonsense maybe? Even saying it aloud makes it seem like a bad motivation to do it, so my heart (or whatever prompts me to do foolish, pride inspired things) is kind of warring against my mind that if I do it, it HAS to be NOW because next year it won't be the same, it won't be my decade anniversary.
-I feel a little less prepared than I had thought I was, and THAT is part of what is spurring me to keep going. It's the idea that I have a choice to give up and postpone to next year, or actually train make a decision in 2-3 weeks and maybe go for it on my own this year after all. Therefore, I kind have it in mind to start doing some training- nothing really intense, mainly distance walking with the stroller- and go from there. Maybe this will stick, maybe it won't, but if I'm going to dive in I want to do it whole hog, knowing what I'm getting into and not based on some fleeting whim. I guess I'm afraid that this may end up being a fantasy of accomplishment like several other things I aspire to and fall short of. I had chronic trouble with following through with plans. Sometimes that's fine, but I don't want that pattern in my character anymore and I have to be careful I don't set myself up for injury because of some imagined gauntlet that I threw down for myself. So that's where the chips lie for now. More later. :)
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