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Ok, so I feel like I am on a constant roller coaster as far as my perception of myself lately, and I wondered if any of you could relate.
I have been having ALOT of trouble with my brain "catching up" to my weight loss. (until this weekend, but more on that later). It's a very up and down sorta feeling. One day (or even multiple times DURING the same day) I will feel just as big and awkward as I did 8 months ago, and not really feel like I've lost anything or not much, and I still feel like my formerly obese self.......then the next day, or a couple of days later, I will feel like I can see the progress ALOT and my self esteem kicks into high gear all of a sudden........
For example, this weekend I was around a large group of people who hadnt seen me in all these months. Before I even got there, I was very pleased with how thin I looked in the mirror, how my clothes looked etc. Once I got there, I was constantly told how terrific I look, how 'slender' or 'thin' I looked....A whole lot of people were crapping themselves over it...it was AWESOME.
I know I'm not exactly 'thin'..I still am 2lbs from being overweight and not obese...yet, I know what they mean-compared to me 8mos ago, I AM looking a lot more thin than not. Compared to the tight size 22 I was 8 short months ago, my size 14 butt looks downright small.
As someone had talked about today already-Yolanda!!!, I saw a friend right before I started all this, and she was a 14 at the time, and I thought "Wow. I'd love to be her size. She is not fat." (she was complaining how fat and disgusting she was -eye roll----I outweighed her by ALOT then-more than 70lbs-and so what was her view of ME???????) Anyway, we are now the same size. She is spitting nails. She was under some delusion that I had lost water weight and ignored it when I told her I was losing....she did this for almost 70lbs.........then she realized I couldnt have lost 70lbs of "water weight" I guess hahahahhahahahahaha. I deliberately avoiding seeing her for about 7 months. LOL
All this has been wonderful for reminding me I have indeed lost this weight and I am looking better.But this is not always the case. Sometimes I look at myself, or I look in the mirror and I feel like I am still that obese woman who couldnt see her feet. I have to look for things to help my brain catch up constantly most days. ("Oh hey, I can see my feet, my shoes, my knees now!!!" I can wrap a regular bath towel around me without a gap now!") That kind of thing. I have to be looking for "proof" I guess? that I have lost weight to prove it to myself almost daily. Everytime I go to put on my jeans in the morning, I always think "these are too small-there is no way that's gonna fit"..and they do. Its a real mind game...my brain doesnt seem to register nor remember I've lost over 1/4 of my body without me looking for things to "prove it" to my brain!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like I'm rambling.
But my point is I want to hear that I am not the only one who sometimes is struggling with the brain/body disconnect that I seem to be having a good amount of the time now.
Diet Calendar Entry for 24 March 2014:
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910 kcal
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Fat: 37.09g | Prot: 85.60g | Carb: 65.82g.
Breakfast: Butterball Low Fat Turkey Bacon, Cooked Egg White. Lunch: Meijer Diced Onions, HEB Ground Chicken Breast, Meijer Diced Green Bell Peppers, Rotel Original Diced Tomatoes and Green Chilies. Dinner: Sweet Potato, World Catch Tilapia Fillets. Snacks/Other: Slim Jim Beef Sticks Smoked Snack, Sonoma Jack Light swiss wedges, Dannon Oikos Fruit on the Bottom Nonfat Greek Yogurt - Peach, V8 Original 100% Vegetable Juice (11.5 oz), Guittard Extra Dark Chocolate Chips, 365 Chia Seed. more...
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 Comments
Notjune1, when I lost this weight the first time, I used to have nightmares that I somehow gained the weight back overnight and I would bolt upright in bed and grope my body to make sure it wasn't real. Lately, I've been dreaming I'm thin again and I wake up knowing while I'm not there yet, I smile because I know I'm almost there. The mind will F*** with you and you will be a mess for a while, so be patient with yourself. Know that it does take some catching up, and your perception may be screwed up for a while. THis is how girls can get so easily anorexic: "I'm so fat" they think, and then they lose the weight, maybe 10 pounds, but their minds trick them and they keep going until they look like skeletons or kill themselves. Patience. Let me spell it for you: P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E. Believe what others say when you get the props. Also believe that you have your own goals. You've come a long way and you deserve the kudos. I've been there and so have gazillions of us. I googled "When will my brain catch up with my body weight loss" and I got this: http://bit.ly/1gSKdaR -- 19.5 million result. Do you feel less alone now? XOX
24 Mar 14 by member: mrsmole
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Hahahahhahaa. I figured someone else must feel like this!
I doubt very seriously I will turn into an anorexic, as my hubby told me he will inform me if I get too skinny, and I KNOW my mother will...lol. My rational brain knows I've lost all of that weight....my rational brain sees the clothes I fit into...the rational brain knows I take up less room in my chair, on the couch, on the bed...I know I have to pull the car's seatbelt a lot less to get over my body to click it...all these things register with my rational mind.
It's that not-so-rational part of me that screws with me lol.
I had heard it takes time and effort for the body and brain to synch after a large weight loss, and by the time I get done, it will be at least a 98-100lb loss, and it is understandable I feel like this-its normal. My rational brain knows this.:)
I just needed to know I'm not the only one whose brain is stuck 80% of the time thinking "Maybe nobody can tell..maybe I was just that fat...maybe I imagine I am smaller than I actually am.." I'm working on the self talk, and looking forward to the Love Yourself challenge starting this week-I think that will help some of that.
24 Mar 14 by member: notjune1
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Girl you are not alone ...I was just telling my husband the very same thing today! I woke up and thought I don't look any different than I did 3 months ago when I know for a fact that I have dropped almost 20 lbs. It makes me feel a little crazy that one minute I can think "oooh I look good" and the next I am thinking how fat I look. For a while I kept the pair of pants around that were so tight on me that they were hard to button just to try on to see my weight loss. We are our own worst critics. I have been trying something new with my weight loss. I started taking progress pics of myself in my workout pants and sports bra. I would never in my life post these but I can look back and see just how far I've come when my brain is being testy. You are doing amazing and eventually your brain will catch up ;)
24 Mar 14 by member: Lperez421
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inside me is a fat little girl, and the thin girl is doing her best to keep her in... People react different to you when you are fat, or not-so-fat. People that know me longer they react to me like i'm "one of them" now, really weird, smiling at me as if they know me better now somehow. People that are new to me still react to me as if im fat, giving me "the look" and the shoulder, you know those shallow ones, you know what i mean! so yes i know what you mean where you lost faster on the outside, then on the inside. I think plateau-ing is about your brain catching up (*lol*)
24 Mar 14 by member: puhpine
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I feel like that all the time. I figure I will for a while until I get down where I really want to be. That sure helps when people remind you how thin you've become. It feels great! Congrats on your weight loss! :)
24 Mar 14 by member: springskinny
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People DO react differently to you for sure. I've gotten some cold shoulders lately..people who are so jealous they are spouting snakes from their hair...then you have the other truly obese people, who struggle so hard with their weight and who are VERY VERY overweight who aren't just jealous, they are downright HOSTILE toward me...then the thinner people who act like they are in a competition with me all of a sudden....then the people who are genuinely complimentary and happy for me. It's made me a lot less 'invisible" than I used to be.
24 Mar 14 by member: notjune1
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Yeah, I never happen to open doors for myself anymore. Its like I magically exist. We went through a drive thru the other day and I adked for a low carb monsyer and a diet dew and the male cashier said "whoa thats a lot of sugar"... he thought about it, blushed and walked away. I told my husband it was because I was do damn hott. Lmao regardless, I still have fat days. Ill catch the mirror just right and think lord im just as big as I ever was. Of course we all know thats a lie. I guess the real changes are the ones in our perception of ourselves, and that takes time. We will get there, I hope. Alot of us are in a challenge starting tonight called learning to love yourself or something along those lines, if youre not already in it you should lool it up and join :-) the more the merrier!
24 Mar 14 by member: Annabelle3117
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Oh and most of my friends hate me too, ya'll are all I have left! lol
24 Mar 14 by member: Annabelle3117
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It's not daily but yeah, I have it too. I guess I'm fortunate I don't have a lot of 'friends' to spit nails at me - but my customers and colleagues I've not seen for months do double takes. I think it's the daily grind of it personally that takes the 'impact' away for you personally as it does me. And for the first year or so I constantly updated my journal with non scale victories as this is (for me at least) more than a number. I'm in the same challenge as Yo and hoping to come out of it with a better attitude. I'd say I love myself 80% of the time but the 20% is a killer.
25 Mar 14 by member: FullaBella
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Yep..totally depends on the day, hour, minute for me too lol
25 Mar 14 by member: notjune1
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