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Tuesday and raining like crazy!! This weather isn't helping me.
The good news is I made it through yesterday in fairly decent shape. I must tell you though it wasn't easy. I went to the market and I spent a great deal of time while I shopped thinking about what I would buy and eat on the way home. Actually had a bag of white chocolate covered pretzels in the cart for a while. Read the nutrition (if there is indeed nutrition in them) labels on frosted sugar cookies and mini-cupcakes that I was pondering. Didn't buy junk. Didn't eat on the drive home. Told hubby how much I've been struggling. He of course was wonderfully supportive. He always has been when it comes to me and my weight. Never critical. Never judgmental. While he and I certainly have our struggles he truly is my biggest fan. I am very blessed.
I did eat some nuts and had a light beer in the evening ... but in contrast to what my eating has been of late it was a vast improvement.
I have started tracking my food and exercise again on here. It has been a while since I've used those tools. My husband is right. I do know what to do. I've done it many times before. However, I need to put it into action. And so I have. The next big step will be facing the scale. That will come soon. As many of you have reminded me, I know the number on the scale doesn't define me ... and I know the scale is really my friend. The kind of friend who is brutally honest, which is the kind I prefer.
These hot flashes though are going to be the death of me. I have some herbs coming that were very helpful to a colleague when she was going through this. I hope they help tame these menopausal symptoms. I'm not a big fan of being hot. I am hot way too frequently. Not sleeping well because of the hot flashes at night. I'm certain the hormonal shifts are impacting my mood and motivation.
And then ... sadly ... a gentleman I work with had his last day with his wife on Sunday. She had breast cancer a couple years ago ... "cured" ... then ended up with brain cancer ... which caused her death. To keep with the light hearted theme of this fall ... my best friend is close to having to decide to euthanize her dog. My heart is heavy.
I thought I had overcome the old desires to mindlessly stuff my face with food. I was wrong. I am a little frightened about how "obsessed" I have been feeling. It is a very familiar feeling. Indeed ... I am a work in progress ... I'll never be "done" ... I am quite fallible.
Yet ... or perhaps still ... I am grateful.
1. for this community here ... I remember journaling here and the support I can offer and receive is very helpful to me.
2. knowing somewhere deep inside of me ... is the desire to be kind to myself, to treat myself as a dear friend
3. that even though I have been feeling low ... I am so grateful that I can feel and have others to share my feelings with
4. though the weather has been miserable ... so far I have not gotten "stuck" in the snow or spun out on the ice!!
5. soon ... the days will begin to get longer ... slowly but surely!!!
Day by day I'll find my way. Thank you all for sharing yourselves here on fatsecret ... for being here with me ... for being transparent. Still practicing kindness ... and my new mantra (thanks hubby!!) "Mexico, beach, warm, bathing suit" ... LOL!!
Diet Calendar Entries for 14 December 2010:
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1908 kcal
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Fat: 99.97g | Prot: 101.68g | Carb: 156.61g.
Breakfast: Weight Watchers Mexican Cheese, water, large egg, La Tortilla Factory Low Carb Tortilla. Lunch: light laughing cow cheese, Flat Out Light Italian, Weight Watchers Yogurt, banana, white turkey meat. Dinner: Smart Ones Salisbury Steak and Asparagus. Snacks/Other: cashews, almonds, macademia nuts, Genuine Draft 64, peanut butter, braided pretzels, luna mini. more...
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3205 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Desk Work - 9 hours, Driving - 2 hours, Precor Elliptical - 44 minutes, Resting - 4 hours and 16 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
Carol, great job with the shopping...it's funny, I do the same things at the grocery store when I am in a funk...the fresh baked donuts looked especially appetizing (maple glazed long johns) the other day when I was there with mom, and as I stood there drooling, she said "Ooo, I want one of those and I can't take them home any more since dad can't have them." (diabetes), so we got mom one and she ate it in the car on the way home...I resisted the siren's call, barely. i went around that store buying stuff to make cookies, knowing that I couldn't eat any, and picking up all kinds of things and setting them back down after reading the "nutritional" info. And my hubby is the same as yours...he tells me the same, that I know what I need to do, and how I feel when I don't. We are blessed in so many ways. Have a great day, Carol. I am praying for you.
14 Dec 10 by member: ctlss
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Stef ... thanks!! It is amazing how many calories are packed into one frosted sugar cookie. 180!!! And there were probably a dozen in the package. If I had purchased them I would have likely consumed the whole damn package (in secret of course) to the tune of 2160 calories. Then of course felt like CRAP later. YAY for me that I didn't do that to myself yesterday.
14 Dec 10 by member: madaboutmoose
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Hi Carol, congrats on coming back, I can only imagine how hard it is to come back here and to 'start again' so to speak. We are all behind you, wishing you well, supporting you when you can't support yourself. So glad your hubby is supportive, it makes a world of difference. Glad you didn't pick up those white chocolate pretzels. You don't have to resist what you don't have in the house. Hugs.
14 Dec 10 by member: sarahsmum
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So glad you are turning up the volume on the good healthy voices in your mind. Everyday you seem a bit more ready, a bit stronger... Awesome job on leaving the junk at the store. This is the never ending journey...one day at a time, one bite at a time...
14 Dec 10 by member: sharonfriz
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Hey Moose! Glad to see you're back! If you fall we're all here to give you a hand back up. :) You CAN do it!
14 Dec 10 by member: Junebug7210
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Hi Carol! Getting here really late tonight. Long day and long night. I should be sleeping now. lol I am glad you are doing better. You are right about the weather. It sure doesn't help with our moods or motivation. Does it? You have started tracking your food again and that is a big plus. I need to start doing that again too. It has never been my strong suit. As usual your grateful list is awesome. I hope you are having a good night and hope to see you journal again tomorrow.
15 Dec 10 by member: chattycathy1955
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I like the way you are talking Moose:)
We at F.S. do this Food diary, journaling, exercise, accountability weigh-in's, because in this life with all its bumps and bruises we are we are worth saving and are worth the effort! TOWANDA!!!!!
15 Dec 10 by member: Lisa Online
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It feels really good to take the package down, read the label and decide it's not worth it. Sometimes of course it IS worth it but it feels good when we overcome that voice inside that says, "OH come on! It's just one little package of cookies! Just do it!" Sounds like you're on an upturn, moodwise. No fretting about the nuts and beer--nuts are good for you and sometimes so is beer. Plus, you can't turn around months of less than ideal eating in a few days. It takes time.
15 Dec 10 by member: beets_yum
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Hi Carol! I like your mantra lol it sounds like a real motivation to me! I hope those herbs will help you with the hot flashes, it's been too long they drive you nuts. Good job with the pretzels and cookies. Have a great day, it is good to read your journals and have news from you...
15 Dec 10 by member: jessyline
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Hi! Winter is a difficult time, holidays are hard, changes of any kind are stressful, finances put a strain on us, health problems weigh us down in many ways - you have them all, Carol! Glad to hear you are back working on your own health - I am inspired!
15 Dec 10 by member: abbadabba
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