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Rationality vs. Our own internal reality
I'm not sure how this is for all of you, but for me, the way I see myself has never quite matched up with reality. Do you know what I mean?
At my heaviest, I would look in the mirror and still see myself more or less the same way I always had. Rationally, I knew I was overweight. Rationally I could tally up the 30 or more symptoms that I knew were being caused by my bad habits. That reasonable, thinking part of me knew the two were connected and I had to do something. But, still, no matter what, that mirror never really looked all that different from what I'd always seen. I'd look in the mirror and think, "I don't look **too** bad." It was strange, and I knew it.
Now photos... those I could see right away how bad things were. But there is definitely a disconnect from our logical, rational minds and the internal reality we see / feel--that movie-in-your-mind lens that we experience our lives through. At least that's true for me.
Now I am only about 2 lbs away from my next mini-goal of 90 lbs lost. I am wearing pants that are 6 sizes smaller, and they are not even tight. I feel great--most of those 30 symptoms are gone or are much, much less noticeable. In the mirror I can see loose skin, and I can see a real difference. Yet that "internal reality" still doesn't show me much in the mirror. It's so odd how that works. After losing almost 90 lbs, I still see pretty much the same guy I saw at my heaviest. The same guy I saw when I was 18 and at my thinnest. I still have more or less the same reaction, "I don't look too bad." Even though I know I still have at least 50 or 60 pounds to lose, and probably more like 70 or 80.
Why is it these two don't match up? Why is it the mirror doesn't show us what our rational minds know?
Still, photos make it pretty obvious that I've lost weight, and that I have more to go. But that dumb mirror somehow doesn't show me either of these facts. I mean, rationally I can kind of see it... but definitely not to the same degree photos do.
The sad part for me, and maybe for a lot of you that struggle with weight, is that disconnect between rationality and that movie-in-your-mind thing is that it also affects food cravings and other *bad* behavior when we're trying to lose weight. The rational part of me can say a thousand times a day that I need to be good, but that irrational internal reality thing can come out and DEMAND I eat something I know I shouldn't. Saying no a thousand times is great and a real success, but it is a huge motivational boo-boo when we lose it to that irrational part. It really damages our motivation--even though we should know that it is this irrational part of ourselves doing it.
Oh well. There's really no point to this post. It's more of an observation. I don't have anything in the way of a solution, but I guess I just wanted to ask if you all have the same issues with this disconnect thing? Or if it is just me?
Diet Calendar Entry for 08 November 2013:
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748 kcal
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Fat: 21.77g | Prot: 90.18g | Carb: 47.00g.
Breakfast: Hormel Compleats Roast Beef & Gravy with Mashed Potatoes, Aldi BEAUMONT FRENCH VANILLA CAPPUCCINO, Syntrax Nectar Sweets whey protein isolate - Chocolate Truffle, Silk Pure Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Milk, Vitafusion MultiVites Gummy Vitamins, Coffee. Lunch: Aldi BEAUMONT FRENCH VANILLA CAPPUCCINO, Coffee, Silk Pure Almond Milk - Unsweetened Vanilla, Syntrax Nectar Vanilla Bean Torte Whey Protein Isolate. Dinner: Ranch Salad Dressing, Mixed Salad Greens, Yellow Sweet Corn, Baked Potato (Peel Eaten), Pork Chops (Center Loin, Bone-In, Lean Only, Cooked, Braised). Snacks/Other: Light & Fit Greek - Cherry, Roasted Salted Cashew Nuts. more...
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 Comments
Wow, your timing is perfect. I just listened to a podcast this morning where the host talked about this very same topic, and it took seeing a picture of herself from behind that her husband took to realize that she was a thin, fit person now and that she was happy with her body. She had to see a picture of her without her face associated to the body to see it objectively. Check out the podcast "Half Size Me", episode 56. This is an amazing weight loss/maintenance podcast hosted by Heather who has lost 170 lbs. and is in her second year of maintenance. her guest interviews are also very informative, educational and inspiring. I listen to it on my commute every day (both ways!).
08 Nov 13 by member: kkd1125
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P.S. Her podcasts are in iTunes where you can go back in her archives and get this old episode, or on Stitcher for current episode streams.
08 Nov 13 by member: kkd1125
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It's not just you. My thoughts also. As people say, "you're spot on".
And yet, last night I was told to quit dieting (again) and that I was thin enough and they were horrified to know that I at one time, weighed 40lbs. less. Only thing I can think of is the exercising and muscle. Technically, I am still overweight in my mind and my minds eye.
Yet I didn't see or just didn't acknowledge the fact that I was obese when at 246. I had to read a post op medical record where the doctor stated, "moderately obese". Then got on the scale and saw the coordinating damage.
Rob. Don't underestimate your post. You've made a huge point. Thank you for letting me know it's not just me that thinks like this and wonders...
08 Nov 13 by member: ClassicRocker
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I can totally relate to this post. Before I started eating better and exercising I would look in the mirror and see the same guy from his 30s that was in good shape- NOT the 48 year old who had eaten whatever he wanted and let himself go. As you say, however, the pictures were the proof of the disconnect between perception and reality. I'm in the same place now in a way- I'm losing weight, and honestly sometimes I really DON'T like what I see in the mirror. I think the whole experience of gaining and then losing large amounts of weight is traumatic to the psyche, and even though losing weight helps your self-confidence it still doesn't take all of the self-doubt that is bouncing around our still recovering brains.
08 Nov 13 by member: waynem37
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My pov is that the mirror shows us exactly how we think about ourselves. So it is a very useful tool into the psychological You if you take the time to realize its full potential. What you see in the mirror is the reality of how you see yourself.
Most of the time the outer reality or as you call it "rational" reality is what you see when you look at a picture of yourself or what someone else who is not emotionally connected sees when they look at you. It is objective and the shape, fat or thinness of the body is seen, nothing more. Your brain disconnects from the emotional aspect and you just see what is there. Best way for this is to cover the face or any identifiable info before looking though.
Here's a old trick you can try to see yourself as you would in a picture but in the mirror. Just stand and look. Don't do anything else. Have staring contest with yourself in the mirror. After a few minutes your brain will disconnect and just see a person there.
08 Nov 13 by member: Mjgh06
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And then there's the theory of camera distortion as "the camera adds ten pounds". There is some truth to that depending on the lens and angle of lens used to take the picture.
08 Nov 13 by member: Mjgh06
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This sounds exactly like the conversation I had with a friend of mine a few days ago...crazy stuff :)
22 Nov 13 by member: Jassifras
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I'm sorry I never responded to you guys. I think I got swamped at work right after I submitted this one. Hah! Remind me never to wax philosophical again -- kharma came down on me hard for it. Thanks, Jass, for bumping it. kkd, you're right, that audio is exactly on this same subject. I listened to about the first 15 mins of it, I'll have to listen to the rest another time, but wow. So on! Rocker, thanks for the input. I appreciate it. Wayne... I saw your related posts. I meant to respond, not sure if I ever did -- work has been crazy lately. And Mjgh, so true! I'm so glad I'm not alone for this. It kind of makes you feel a little psychotic, but all in all it seems pretty normal for us. Still it is strange.
22 Nov 13 by member: Rob.c.weiss
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