Simille's Journal, 09 September 2008

Well folks, I've been MIA for a couple of days. Not quite sure what happenened--there was a spate of weird work days that threw my whole schedule off. I did manage to get all of my exercise in, but no more than that. Money has been SUPER-TIGHT lately, and with the bizarro schedule, meals have not been planned and have been less than satisfying. I haven't had any good cheese or produce in the house and it is amazing how much I rely on having those things to keep me on track. Captain Craving has been whispering sweet nothings in my ear, and while I don't have any junk-food in the house (thank the lord for a man who doesn't snack)I don't have any snacks that help me combat the cravings. I need to up my water intake--I think part of the problem is that I haven't been drinking as much at work as I should (it's hard to take a swig out of the water bottle with 6 people in line waiting for you to take their passport photo) and with the increased exercise and decrease in water-saturated nutritional goodies I am just getting down-right dehydrated. I'm off today so I'm going to drink so much I have water coming out of my nose, and hopefully that will help. Thursday is payday and I will have some extra holiday pay from Labor Day, so I'm looking forward to hitting the grocery store and stocking up. Last week's check was small 'cause I took a day off due to the nausea--grrr. I should have just toughed it out, but I didn't, so Oh well. Next year should be better financially--I'll be working, of course, and Hill will be able to get his lawn care business off the ground. We got here late in the spring, so most people already had their lawn contracts for the season, and though he has advertised, Hill has only gotten about 6 customers this season, and had to drop a couple of those for non-payment. Consequently, our financial reserves are loooow, and though I do get paid pretty well comparatively, retail photo techs just don't make a lot of money. I hate to keep focusing on the money thing, but it's just what's going on right now, and stress over not having enough contributes to my lack of motivation in areas of fitness and eating. Which is completely bass ackwards really, the more I exercise and the better I eat, the more capable I feel and the more capable I feel the more able I am to deal with stress. It seems like everything is (or can be) a vicious cycle. I try to remind myself though, that I am EXTREMELY lucky, both in terms of the wider world (I complain about not having enough money, but I do have food in the cupboards, electricity, and a laptop), and in my own country (I do have relatives to turn to if things get really bad!).

Blech! Just reread my posting and seriously thought about deleting--but then remembered I had raked BadAndee over the coals for doing that so I won't, but I will say--blah, blah, blah! Just more verbal vomit that points to my interior struggles right now. I am fighting a war with wanting to be satisfied with where I'm at and railing against the mediocrity of my life. Well, to you, railing Sarah, I say..thpppft! Just calm yourself down, drink some water, eat a carrot and suck it up! Things have a habit of working themselves out so relax! Y'all...just remind me to relax and get over myself! That's your job!