madaboutmoose's Journal, 04 February 2013

Monday. Slight fluctuation up. Just 2 tenths of a pound. Really nothing.

The batteries we are returning are the old ones. There is a core charge when you buy a battery. We could not return the old ones till the new ones were hooked up. The weather has been bad or we just haven't tell up to the drive. I think we will today but DH isn't up yet. It's up to him. He's the driver

Grateful today for ..

A dream I had last night that made me think about my circumstances.
Finding strength and comfort in knowing someone bigger and stronger than me in in control.
My mother who truly loves me and tells me she loves me even when I'm an idiot.
Hope that this crisis will resolve and my life, my love will forgive me.
The realization I have to do what I have to do. I am responsible

Kindness towards me has been rough these past few days. I guess the true test is how can you be kind to yourself when you've really screwed up. Done something wrong and hurtful to others. Hurting myself is easier. I'm as human as they come. This is new territory to me. At least in this magnitude. Thanks for being there even thoughninhavent disclosed my dilemma. Wish I could say but I'm not there yet. Take care.

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Comments 
{{{{hugs}}}} It's always the hardest to forgive yourself. But it is usually the most necessary. I am not religious, but I can tell from your post that you believe. I thought this quote might help you: God loves you and forgives all of your mistakes. Why can't you love and forgive yourself?  
04 Feb 13 by member: jessabridge4444
Carol, I am sorry that you are struggling so right now. We all make mistakes, and some of them are doozies, believe me I know. Just remember that God loves us warts and all. I know how hard it can be to forgive yourself. I struggle with that ALOT. But as Jess says, if God can do it, so can we. Hang in there, and hope that you get things squared away with your love. Hugs to you my wonderful, sweet, imperfect friend...you are just like all the rest of humankind! We are all flawed and fall short, but all we can do is pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and try again. Love you my friend! 
04 Feb 13 by member: ctlss
Carol I'm sorry you are in a bad place right now. Whatever you did, whatever happened, it was certainly a mistake and the way you regret it now shows you care, and that's the most important. We all make mistakes, we are all humans.(((hugs))) 
04 Feb 13 by member: barbabella
So sad you are having a rough time, for whenever you are ready, we will be here, no worries for you about that.  
04 Feb 13 by member: gg-girl
What ever happened or you did, you are already punishing yourself. I can see you are so sorry, and you are trying to make good. Be kind to yourself, while trying to make up or fix the best you can. You are awesome we all have faults, no one is perfect. SMILE.  
04 Feb 13 by member: Lizzygracemusic
It s just a big long learning journey.....it s not that you need to beat yourself up over it...the question is did you learn how not to repeat it : ) time and sorry....it s all you can do.  
04 Feb 13 by member: sharonfriz
{{Hugs}} I did something shameful last year and couldn't find the words (or courage) to even post it here the way you just did. Enough to get our attention, well wishes, positive vibes and prayers. We all love you, love will stregthen you and lucky for you (and all of us) you are surrounded.  
04 Feb 13 by member: cindyshine
Love and Hugs..so sorry your in a hard time right now..sure hope you see the light at the end of the tunnel soon...No matter what you did at least its not as bad as it could have been..you are human..forgive your self..I know its hard to do..cause we are soo much harder on us than any one else...Take care...:O) 
04 Feb 13 by member: BHA
Thank you for all the comments. You are all right. Time. I'm not great at waiting and I really hate being human. I have always believed in every crisis there lies an unseen opportunity. I believe that is true in this one as well. I can only correct my erred way ... can't fix the hurt I've created. That is out of my control and oh how I dislike being out of control (although I so often am). Day by day. I truly appreciate the company.  
04 Feb 13 by member: madaboutmoose
Like you family I love you 'no matter what' you couldn't do anything to make me stop caring for you. Hope you can find it in your heart to forgive yourself. You were there for me when I did something monumentally stupid a couple of years ago, telling me to be patient and forgive so let me hold you in my heart and tell you the same thing - you are human and that's what makes you so special. God loves you, we love you, enough to cover the times when you don't love yourself. Your mum sounds like a lovely woman, and she raised another just like her. Breathe sweetie, breathe, this will heal in time.  
05 Feb 13 by member: sarahsmum

     
 

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