FullaBella's Journal, 25 January 2013

I caught myself being shortsighted and judgemental again today. So what else is new, right?

My friend (the personal trainer)and I were discussing food again today. He's not MY personal trainer, he's my carpenter. He'd likely BE my personal trainer but I can't afford HIM and a CARPENTER both and I need my gutters replaced first. Obviously leaving your mind in one too long wears it out.

Anyway, as we were discussing nutrition yada yada yada he said something that stunned me. In fact, it caused me to actually 'repel' physically and lean back in my chair to distance myself from the inane thought.

'Yeah, we decided one day after a month of eating healthy that we deserved something good and went to 'FastFood' place.'

Now, I already knew he ate fast food from time to time whenever he got caught out on a job without a lunch plan but to hear him use the word 'deserve' rather than.. 'compromise' stunned me.

Hence my realization that I was being judgemental. I expected that someone who counsels on nutrition and body performance (and earns money doing so) would consider eating 'unhealthy' a compromise, not a 'reward'. Not something you 'deserve.'

BEFORE you blast me - hear me out. Give me a little wider berth than I gave him, LOL. Don't be a bigot like me.

HE has been doing this 20 years. I'm still working all of this out in my head, making peace with food, finding what works, doesn't work. You know all that, I write about it all the time.

Although I folded my arms across my chest in protest, I managed fortunately to avoid repeating the word 'deserve?' in a snide sarcastic tone. Rarely do I keep my mouth shut that well but this guy has biceps bigger than my thigh (and that's BIG) and could seriously mess me up.

Anyway, he followed up with the VERY thing I was thinking. Or maybe, the horrified look on my face clued him in. I would never last in the World Series of Poker.

"..... But funny,we were sick as dogs that afternoon. Scott said he thought we got food poisoning and I told him he was right, but we did it to ourselves. That reminded me I deserved more."

Ahh... that's better.

Naturally, being the human being I am, I like hearing what I believe and am slow to come around to that which I don't. I CAN, but I'm slow. So I was relieved to hear this picture of health (and I tell ya, that is one buffed out picture of health guy, wowza) echo my sentiment that the very foods that were hurting ME as I plowed my way up the scale are akin to 'food poisoning.'

Back off the lawyers, McWendyBox - I'm not saying your food is poison. I'm saying it was poison to ME. And while I have since learned all that bread I loved and craved from Subway wasn't doing me any good, I don't care that my footlong was likely only 11inches. I made the choices I made. I'm making different choices now. I may choose to have one today but not every day ~ my blood sugar can't handle it.

When I did the weight loss thing back in my 40's I set aside something similar to what a lot of people here call 'their cheat day' ~ I called mine 'anything goes day.' I didn't like the word 'cheat' because of the feeling of guilt associated. My method was one day a month I would go out and eat alllll thaaaaat stuuuuuffff I'd been denying myself all month. Ice Cream, Enchiladas, Krispy Kreme, KFC, etc.

And while I BEGAN this time with that plan, I let it go. If it's working for you ~ GREAT. I did try it about one month in, I went to Whataburger to have one of those cheeseburgers that had been whipping me into a frenzy everytime I saw the commercial.

But by then, I'd read the article on MINDFUL EATING and as I took a small bite, allowed myself to taste it, savor it, feel it on the tip of my tongue ... (( compared to my previous dining method of finishing off a double cheeseburger and fries in about six bites washed down with a diet coke )) when I ate that 'mindfully' to truly enjoy it...I DIDN'T. It was cold, gross, greasy, tasteless and unsatisfying.

It took me about four 'restaurant' experiences like that to get over my 'anything goes' day this time because EACH time, when I selected the cheesy, greasy, fried, sweet, etc., food that I FELT I'd been denying myself, I realized, I wasn't enjoying it.


So new plan. I shifted and started making peace with food. I have probably mentioned this somewhere but I began to live the mantra 'Food is my Friend, I just have to choose my Friends Wisely.' I even posted the explanation of it somewhere but never got any comments but if you're interested let me know and I'll copy paste it here or message it to you. It was an eye opener for me.

I know I have a weird way of looking at things, and if you're still reading you now know it too, but I gave up the 'anything goes' day because it finally struck ME (not you, just me) as ...ironic and dumb. I equated it to having a kegger at an AA meeting on chip day or a casino night at a GA meeting. Why would I want to make it a point to set aside a day to eat the very food that got my body in trouble in the first place??

Starting that day, I decided if I wanted something, I'd have it. A small portion of it, but I'd have it. No waiting until my 'day of the month' or going crazy with a binge because a craving was denied.

I started rewarding myself a different way but also, making my every day food BETTER FOOD. Every day is Christmas Feast Day in Bellawood. And if I am going to go OUT to dinner, it's going to be a freaking nice place with GOOD food and I'm talking King Crab Legs or something.

Because, I deserve better.
Thank you for reading.

Disclaimer: the views expressed above are those of one whacked out bezerk gal just trying to figure it all out. Do not try this at home.

Diet Calendar Entries for 25 January 2013:
1466 kcal Fat: 54.99g | Prot: 120.19g | Carb: 133.12g.   Breakfast: Egg, Egg White, Coffee, Schwans Blueberry, Coconut Oil, Quaker Old Fashioned Oatmeal, Flax Seed. Lunch: Celery, Starkist Albacore Tuna Water, Mustard, Parme Cheese, Wholly Guacamole. Dinner: Pork Loin Walmart, Romaine Hearts, Tomato, Fat Free Raspberry Balsamic. Snacks/Other: Schwan Triple, Dannon Light Fit Zero Fat, Apple. more...
2181 kcal Activities & Exercise: Sleeping - 24 hours. more...


Hear hear!!! I would like to see your Food is My Friend journal. Just comment the day and we can find it if you don't feel like copy/pasteing. Every day I become so much more AWARE of my healthy vs. CW (conventional wisdom) healthy. I get pissed off that I can't get grass fed beef in the regular grocery store or that the aisles are filled with bleached flour and high fructose corn syrup. Chipotle today was out of Diet Coke and water was my only other option and I realized it was a much better option even though I really wanted the Diet Coke (which they fixed by the way). I had the Diet Coke and believe it or not I feel sick to my stomach. I hope and pray that the pork added to my salad was a happy pig running in a big farm yard during its short lifetime but since Micky Dee's owns Chipotle I kind of doubt it. I think I have just talked myself out of ever going there again. I'll shut up now. :) 
25 Jan 13 by member: Neptunebch
LOL LOL I love it. When you DO start thinking about it more and more it makes you lean toward better choices doen't it! Sometimes I am embarrassed when I stamp my foot because my store doesn't have a 'better more organic thing' and jokingly growl at my friends who live close to WholeFoods and TraderJoes but then I remember we do live in a country with food at a store and I need to just stop being such a diva and just make better choices. I read a comment from a woman who said she and her husbands were truck drivers and when they delivered some chemical used in Coke that they had to put a HazMat warning on their truck - that was it for her on drinking cola's. True? I don't know. What I DO know is back in the day, we'd use it to clean the battery cables on the car when the 'gunk' built up. AND I used to use it to tenderize my steaks. If it breaks down battery acid and steak... well, I'm just sayin'..... 
25 Jan 13 by member: FullaBella
Funny, but I think the title "Personal Trainer" is bantied about quite liberally. Any person that is lean and trim around here can get a job as a personal trainer. I am amazed at how many personal trainers under 21 are employed at the local health club. After all, he 'is' still installing gutters. So, if a "mensa" candidate gets coerced into eating at a fast food restaurant by a personal trainer, well, I would say he might better consider a vocation such as a 'salesman.' Anyway, hope he's better at gutters. BTW, I agree that we never 'deserve' to sabotage our success; we may talk ourselves into it for the temporary gratification, but we always regret it afterwards. IMHO. 
25 Jan 13 by member: DairyKing
I hear ya DK, just like any of those folks on the morning news consider themselves Diet Gurus because they managed to get their book published. Maybe you read too quickly or I just wrote it poorly but I did not get coerced into anything - I'd already eliminated fast food sabatoge long ago and was relieved he continued his story of the experience to reinforce it was a bad choice of eating and bad choice of words. I realize as I feel the need now to defend him, I probably did write this poorly so will clarify: when I called him 'carpenter' I should have said 'contracter' and that he owns the business and has done over a half million dollars of work on my buildings and has a crew. Additionally he has operated a gym and has been guiding people toward healthy choices for two decades. So while I have reached the age in life that I no longer follow along behind every pied piper who plays a tune, I do like listening and sharing things with people from whom I feel I can learn.  
25 Jan 13 by member: FullaBella
I hear you!! If I am going out then it can be crab legs, steak, lobster, creme brulee....hahaha! 
25 Jan 13 by member: jaime30024
Yep Jaime - if we're going to enjoy the food, then we need to enjoy the FOOD.  
25 Jan 13 by member: FullaBella
We do deserve better! And thank you for making me feel better about cooking virtually all my own food. I WANT to know that it was cooked in a non-stick skillet with a little cooking spray instead of sauteed in a quarter cup of butter. I have long been terrified of eating salads at restaurants because I see their restrooms. I really struggle with eating out. But I am going to take your advice and get some of my favorites the next time I go out! I spent so much of my life making poor choices that I celebrate the opportunity to make good ones. I am still struggling with it; but I am making progress. Keep pushing forward Bella! You are making great progress on your journey! 
25 Jan 13 by member: RiverRes
Thank you Paula. I was restaurant phobic for a long time because of the same - hygiene and NOW the control of my food. I will probably always have the OCD which is why I avoid buffets when possible simply because it decreases the number of people who've leaned over and touched my food. Good food, good health, good life, my friend. We deserve it all, don't we! 
25 Jan 13 by member: FullaBella
Wow, with all those words, you still didn't say what you meant! Well, I be! :D It's all right. Sometimes I just float around seeing if I can strike a nerve or stir up some hate and discontent. Sometimes, others do a much better job of it though. I still need to practice. 
25 Jan 13 by member: DairyKing
Awww... you rabble rowser .... 
25 Jan 13 by member: FullaBella
My angelic friend, you got it so right again! I know for some, a cheat day seems to work, but for me too, it was a set up for disaster... in the form of a sugar binge. And, as you say, the farther I get from that, the better. Eating sugar free for almost 3 weeks now, I'm having barely any sugar cravings & the natural sugar I'm eating in fruit tastes so much sweeter, plus I'm just overall feeling better:)! So, while I don't think you were really that judgmental or short sighted at all, you go right ahead as we all learn so much from you in your Bellawood. (P.S. I'd love to read more about your Food is my Friend mantra.) xoxox  
26 Jan 13 by member: Ruhu
Thank you Angel Ruth. I'm so thrilled to read how you continue to win the battle over the sugar ~ you rock. I guess I felt judgemental because I reacted (physically, though silently) before he had a chance to finish but was glad I waited. Yes, the natural sugar is really so much better once it's not competing with the processed stuff, isn't it!  
26 Jan 13 by member: FullaBella


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