Lizzie983's Journal, 25 December 2012

Merry Xmas! :)

Watching a good movie with my dad. It's nice to be home.
I missed my mum very much today and since I am back. We had lunch at my granny's. She has been so sweet to cook plenty of meat for me. I had lamb, it was so deliciuos!
Then tonight we had pandoro for dinner. It's a traditional Xmas kind of "cake", full of butter and sugar. I allowed it myself today, and will try not to eat that stuff anymore till next Xmas. I don't want to wake up the carb monster!!
No scale here. But I can already feel I gained weight.
I have been eating more than usual and walking less than usual :-/

It's the second Xmas without my mother. I haven't been able to decorate my father's house for Xmas. My mum used to put plenty of Xmas decorations everywhere here. Somehow, they remind me about her too much.
While having coffee, my granny and me were talking about her and cried a lot. We miss her so much. She was only 49 when she died.
It's still tough to be here. In a way I am glad to see my dad and my granny, some old friends. On the other side, I would like to go back soon to Germany, life is a bit easier there for me, from the emotional point of view.
I had an emotional eating episode yesterday, I suppose because I felt lost and alone.
Really hope to see some good friends of mine soon. I need their support very much.

I'll try to go walking with the dog tomorrow morning. Then we'll have lunch with my father's sister and her family. Can't wait to play and talk with my nieces. One of them, Sophie, is very smart and loves computers (as I was as a child). The other one, Lizzie, is such a sweet little girl. Then I'll have to answer all scientific questions from my aunt and my cousins, it's going to be fun.

So, have a good time with your families!
Life is good :)
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Great journal Lizzie - Merry Christmas! 
25 Dec 12 by member: FullaBella
Christmas is so full of emotions, both good and bad. It sounds like you are doing well, experiencing and accepting it all, looking forward to seeing your nieces while feeling the loss of your mother. Going home to Germany will be wonderful, I'm sure. I spent Christmas Eve with my Dad's final family; the woman he loved for years when he died, and all her kids, grandkids, their spouses, their spouses children, etc. I had a wonderful time, though there was an touch of sadness with all the joy. Though Dad has been gone several years, we all love and miss him, mention him often. My 80 year old stepmother's boyfriend respects that. I hope you're having a wonderful day, Lizzie.  
26 Dec 12 by member: crabby Kat
Lizzie, I'm sure your dad really appreciated having you with him this Christmas. 49 is sinful to pass. My dad was 48 so I know the feeling, but for me, that was over 30 years (almost 40 years) ago. How crazy is that? Is your neice named for you? Not surprised she's such a little sweetie. Scientific questions? 
26 Dec 12 by member: Helewis
Just try to take it one breath at a time. I can only imagine what you must feeling and how hard it can be. All the wonderful memories still bring sadness. I will keep you in my prayers. I am happy that you are able to see family and enjoy your time with them. Take care of yourself. 
26 Dec 12 by member: jaime30024
Hi, I was 18 & my dad 48 when he past away. 28 years later I still miss him! But It gets easier with time. I still talk to him, & in s weird , re-assuring way I know he hears me! Make the most of your time with your family. They are all precious! :)  
26 Dec 12 by member: schmetterling34

     
 

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