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22 June 2008

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING I HAVE LEARNT THIS WEEK IS...

THE POWER OF WORDS

Whether it is spoken, written or even unsaid, words are so powerful that they can make a person bleed; they can set a person free; they can make a person soar or they can tear at the heart.

This week I learnt that I misused the power of words for my own selfish and short lived pleasure. When I get angry, I sometimes attack with my words to wound the person, perhaps because I cannot inflict physical pain. But abusing someone ends up hurting you more than the person in the line of fire. Like a boomerang, the situation hits you back with a vengeance and you begin to feel guilt and remorse and end up becoming more distraught. Attacking someone also creates a reaction and usually the victim will attack back twice as hard. After all, its in our human nature to protect ourselves from harms way.

From this I have resolved to minimize conflicts by discussing and rationalizing with the person instead of using my words as a weapon of destruction. I got the opportunity to practise during a second flare up with my husband. I calmly explained that if he continued to shout and accuse me, that it would lead to feelings of resentment and upset but if he wished to continue he could do so, but suddenly he stopped. That was like a miracle. I managed to remain calm and make him be quiet.So by using carefully selected words, I was still able to express my feelings, in fact even more loudly and clearly than ever and still be able to resolve a situation. Later, when he had calmed down, I clarified his misconceptions and it was all cleared up without any conflict or sulking or verbal punches.

The spoken word becomes even more powerful when it is chosen correctly. I am still figuring this out but after reading so many journals here, I see people using negative words and negativity will just bring your mood down tenfold. Instead, we need to learn to use more positive language, even when things around us seem bad. One tip I got from TV was if a child is doing something wrong, you dont say "You are bad" because you are emphasising the 'badness'. Instead we are supposed to say "You are not being good" which encourages the behavior they should be striving for. So by using positive language, we limit the amount of emotional stress we cause ourselves. I thought to myself, "hey, now that I have begun trying to use positive words, I feel that my life is beginning to improve".Then as I reflected, no, my life hasn't changed, my vision has. Instead of seeing everything as half empty, I can now see things as half full.

The spoken word is powerful and the written word is also powerful. I wrote a letter to a couple of car dealerships to ask for some leasing information. I got a response asking, do you want to lease or buy? Of course, I was extremely miffed that they had obviously not read my email properly. I proceeded to express my annoyance for three paragraphs and then I stopped. I realized that just one sentence was enough to express my feelings without sounding like a raving lunatic. By deleting 2.5 paragraphs, I was able to maintain a professional image, get my feelings across and still be able to continue discussions without any hard feelings on either side.

Another powerful source of the written word..why here on Fatsecret of course. All the comforting comments, suggestions and loving messages have been my rock. I honestly believe that this place is helping me to transform in a million ways. Being able to journal and record and receive comments etc..makes me more dedicated to sticking to my dieting. I feel like I would be letting all my friends down if I were to just walk away and quit now. And I could never keep it up without the support of all the constant words I receive or get to read about. My most favorite written word? It has to be the email I received a couple of days ago. Someone had written that they had not imagined me looking like I did. So, I asked what they thought I looked like. Apparently, I sound like a 55 year old white granny!! I have not stopped smiling and occasionally giggling since reading that email. It was one of the most honest and funny words I have received from anywhere in ages. How funny that mere words have the power of tickling our funnybones!

Finally,this week I learnt that the most powerful word is the unspoken word. Yesterday, my daughter and I were talking about me banning her from the computer for shouting at me. During the discussion, I became emotional and began crying because when I had told my sisters about my battle with my daughter and trying to get her to do chores, one sister actually said "oh its the battle of the brats then is it??" That was so painful that just thinking about this and other such comments they had made, makes me cry. I felt so sad that, here at Fatsecret, complete strangers were offering me support but my own family used the power of their words to pain me, even if unintentional. As I started crying, my daughter slowly walked up to me, pulled me towards her and hugged me really tight.."Thats ok mom..dont cry..dont listen to them, I know what you are saying is right". After consoling me and calming me down, she went off a got me a coffee and sat next to me. Even though we didnt talk for a while, just her sitting besides me supportively spoke volumes and her gesture said the words I had longed to hear for so long:

I LOVE YOU MOM.

22 June 2008

Challenge week 5 is to journal something positive every day. Well I didnt get a chance on Saturday, but its only 1 am on Sunday..so consider this a moonlite Saturday journal!

I went to a graduation today but ended up having to hitch a ride because hubby was on call and came home last night at 1am and again went to work today until 6pm. He was too shattered to go and I couldnt take the car in case he was paged again.

So anyway, the good thing is that I have discovered this one friend whom I feel comfortable asking for ride. Previously, I have been reluctant to ask a favor of anyone but she has proven to be a darling.

The graduation was ok but food wise it was brilliant. Again, for the second time in a row, I went out on parole (from my kitchen) and stuck to my diet. Only salad and kebabs and some chicken cubes. The chicken was covered in a yogurt gravy which is not very Atkins but nevertheless I dont think the yogurt drippings will cause too much damage.

I also made someone very happy today. I decided that moms have a big part in their childs education and to gift mom with a bouquet of flowers. Apparently, only one other person had given her a bouquet, so my gesture became a lot more meaningful. I also gave the elderly mother of my ride a small bouquet as a small gesture of my appreciation and because I love grannies (BadAndee, thats where its rubbing off from LOL!) I kept my optimist creed to make people happy so I felt really good about that. I also believe in random acts of kindness and I did a double whammy today.

I looked pretty today..well I think so anyway..so it was nice to dress up and look good..even if no one else at the party was as decked up as me!! (daughter asked..are you going to a wedding?)

I had a really positive moment with my daughter. She had told me that she hated me when I took away her computer. I tried to explain to her that if I didnt teach her values through consequences, she would never change and I had to do things that I didnt enjoy doing to get the behavior I want. I then got emotional telling her that my sisters had been very mean to me and called me a bully and other names and that was so hurtful when I had been making such a concerted effort recently to improve myself as a mom. I began crying...(ok wait..there is a positive part to this....!) and then out of the blue..she came over and hugged me and said.."Dont listen to them..you are a good mom and I know what you are doing is right"

She then proceeded to make me a coffee and sat next to me for quite a while as if to offer me a silent support.

A brilliant ending to the day.

21 June 2008

20 June 2008

A nice day today. Lost another pound bringing up my total weight loss to at least 6-7 pounds in the past ten days or so.

I hadnt dieted in a couple of weeks so it had bumped back up to 150lbs. After resuming my Atkins, the weight went down again. Probably 90% water gain from all the sodium in the junk I ate. I guess I better enjoy it while it lasts. Atkins always shows drastic weight loss initially but then the going gets tough.

My FEEL GREAT CHALLENGE WEEK 4 didnt elicit many responses so I am a little bummed out about that. Everyone was supposed to post their experiences at the end of the week but I seem to be the only one who checked in.

Anyway, I have submitted week 5's challenge because we have to keep plodding on. I think I will be wrapping it up soon though in the next few weeks.

WEEK 5 CHALLENGE

Have a great day..and in the very unlikely event that we dont read each other journals over the weekend..have a wonderful weekend!!!

20 June 2008

Weigh-in: 143.0 lb lost so far: 5.0 lb still to go: 8.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment losing 2.1 lb a week

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