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05 July 2016

Slow and steady! :)

Weigh-in: 246.0 lb

lost so far: 4.0 lb

still to go: 86.0 lb

Diet followed 100%

(1 comment) losing 5.6 lb a week

04 July 2016

Weigh-in: 246.8 lb

lost so far: 3.2 lb

still to go: 86.8 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

(1 comment) losing 2.8 lb a week

03 July 2016

I've noticed that while I have been using Splenda as a sweetener, I have either stopped losing weight or gain a few ounces/pounds. It's an up and down thing. Yes, I know my other foods have not been perfect, but they never were. Truvia and Stevia in the Raw packets seem to do the best for me. Today, I am putting the Splenda away, and using up the Truvia I have left.

I still find it hard to actually spend the money for the "better for me" things, because if I don't like it, I won't eat it. That is a waste of money and food. Boyfriend would probably eat some of it because he doesn't really care what he eats... not picky about anything. So, for now anyway, I stick to foods I know I like and just cut out those nasty breads and pastas as much as I can. Pasta and rice is easy...breads I miss a little.

I'm getting a little tired of making two different meals more times than not. So, I've been making his meal and I opt for something that's not even close to what he is eating. I can't force him to eat what I do. He did like the Pizza Casserole I made, more than I did actually, So I suppose I will keep looking for things like that. I just don't feel the need to eat much anymore so I'm not looking as hard for food stuff.

As depressed as I have felt the last few days, I have NOT gotten into the "eating for comfort" thing at all. Seems to have had the total opposite effect most of the time. Even the "eating out of boredom" doesn't happen much anymore, and when it does...it's a string cheese stick.

Every once in a while, I notice myself walking taller/straighter...like someone confident in themselves would. I don't know if it is happening all of the time. It's like sometimes my conscience is actually paying attention and I become aware of it.

This was just to remind myself that there have been changes and to put down what those changes are, that I have noticed anyway. To remind me... I want to do this, I can do this, and that even the little changes make a difference. Thinking about myself this morning, and I am proud of the weight I have lost, even if no one else is in my real life.

Weigh-in: 247.2 lb

lost so far: 2.8 lb

still to go: 87.2 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

(12 comments) losing 3.5 lb a week

01 July 2016

Today I am wondering.... WHY??

I have the feeling of not knowing what the heck I am doing this for. Yes, I started out doing it for me... because I don't wanna be insulin dependent like my mom, brother and sister. Yes, I feel way better and have more energy than I did just a mere 20 pounds ago (well...19 lbs as of today). But I don't know why I should bother. The energy and better attitude are not getting me anywhere.

I suppose, I had hopes of maybe something changing in my relationship, because I had the feeling that my weight and not feeling good had a lot to do with why it was so "stale", and void of any kind of affection (and I mean ANY kind) or emotion. I felt like it didn't really matter if I was here or not.

I guess I just had high hopes and the disappointment is gut wrenching. I wasn't just doing it for him, and it will never be that way. I have family I wanted to be around for.... but that isn't there either. I was doing it for me, but now I don't feel like I should even bother.

I'm still looking for recipes, foods, and advice. I haven't given up yet on the feeling better part. I think I am giving up on believing anyone cares if I am here or not. My life has always been existing in the background of everyone's life. I'm used to it. I just have to talk myself into coming to terms with the fact that it will be that for as long as I am around. I have to keep it in my head that I have never been and will never be the center of anyone's life and whatever I do....it has to be and will only ever be....for me

(26 comments)

01 July 2016

Weigh-in: 248.2 lb

lost so far: 1.8 lb

still to go: 88.2 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

add comment losing 11.2 lb a week

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